[tmwmdm]

I'm here looking for something to help my boyfriend. For starters, I should tell you that we've lived together for the past several years. We've always gotten along really well, we don't have arguments and both appreciate the lack of drama in the other.

For the last several months, he has been wrestling with extreme anxiety. It is at its' worst when he is at home. He says that as he's driving home, he can just feel the anxiety rising in him. He says he just feels like he's going to explode but there's no reason and nothing to explode about. Reminds me of the "free-floating anxiety" spoken of in another thread. Being at home just drives him crazy, he says. To quote a text he sent just today "Not sure what but something about home drives me up the wall". By the end of the evening, his hands are shaking and his heart is racing.

Other symptoms? Complete lack of sex drive. He's totally capable, he just doesn't want to. I thought perhaps he was seeing someone else or found someone else he desired but he insists that he just doesn't have any desire at all.

He is also sleeping a great deal more than he used to. He says he likes going to sleep because then the feeling goes away. I've also noticed a decrease in his appetite, I think. That's hard to gauge because he's been home so little and because he's never been one to eat regular meals unless I make them.

I expressed the thought that perhaps the anxiety gets worse on his way home because his mind is clearing, because he's putting the thoughts of what he has to do next for work away. He doesn't feel this can be the case because when he was recently working out of town for a week, he had much less anxiety in the evenings. I'm still convinced (or maybe it's just hopeful) that because when he's out of town, he's sort of always on the job and therefore doesn't ever let down in quite the same way.

He absolutely, completely and totally refuses to see a doctor. He won't go see a doctor when he's feeling close to death's door ... there's no way I can get him in there for this. Believe me, I've tried. I've suggested couples counseling and he won't even talk about that.

So here's my ultimate question ... do you think I could be on the right track? Or is it silly to think that he could repress his anxiety during his work day and thus experience it mostly at home? Has anyone else ever experienced anxiety only at certain times of the day?

[OrangeMoira]

Welcome to PC! Glad you're here posting.

I experience anxiety in certain situations. For example, I get anxious and argue a lot on Sundays. For me, it's anxiety about having to go back to work/school on Mondays and about my husband "leaving me" to work on Mondays.

It probably isn't the actual time of day since he doesn't have the problem when he's not driving home. But maybe that's the only time he drops his worries enough to notice the underlying anxiety. Maybe when he was out of town he was still busy at night, so he wasn't anxious.

I'm sorry he won't go to a doctor. I hope he is willing to try other methods to feel better. Will he read articles or self help books? Will he speak to a church counselor or someone who isn't in the medical field? It bothers me that he's having such extreme problems and won't even discuss counseling. Sometimes that's a warning sign (or sometimes it's just a guy thing). ((((tmwmdm))))

What happens if you both leave the house in the evening? What if you leave and he's there? Is the anxiety still there?

I'm sorry the two of you are going through such a rough time. I hope the other aspects of your relationship are okay.

[Cyran0]

Hey tmwmdm, and welcome.

It sounds like I'm a lot like your husband so here's what I can tell you about my experience. I am less anxious at work because I have to focus and do things. When I get home and can relax I don't have anything to distract me and I experience the anxiety in full force. It's ironic but the more relaxed the situation, the more anxious I become. One of the big ways to deal with anxiety is to get out of your head. This can be done through mindfulness, breathing, exercise, and a hundred other things that work differently for different people.

It's too bad he wont try therapy because they teach these techniques there. The doctor issue is also a problem because what helps me more than anything is Zoloft and Ativan.

I hope you're able to bring him around and get him to do something because what he's going through, I have to tell you, it's horrible (probably worse than he lets on) and can cause people to make illogical choices just to avoid the pain (not coming home because he gets anxious there is a good example).

As for what you can do, coming here is a great start. Arm yourself with information and be as comforting as you can.

Cyran0