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Old May 07, 2011, 09:40 AM
roses4me's Avatar
roses4me roses4me is offline
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Location: quebec, canada
Posts: 252
just woke up
I'm thinking , 'LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!'
and I am covered in hives... an allergic reaction to stress... took an antihistamine
have had minor intestinal bleeding this morning

most of this is due to a traumatic event last May (2010)
yesterday afternoon I took a nap and work with terrors and horrible memories

hopefully just posting will make it a little less horrible

roses

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  #2  
Old May 07, 2011, 10:30 AM
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roses4me roses4me is offline
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feeling a little better now
not feeling, 'leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone.'
but then am not doing anything to trigger it either

I am thankful for the creation of this site
I am thankul for absolutely everyone here

roses
  #3  
Old May 07, 2011, 10:49 AM
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lynn P. lynn P. is offline
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(((roses4me))) - I'm so sorry you're not feeling well mentally or physically. I'm not familiar with your history, so I don't what advice to offer. Just take extra good care of yourself today. Hoping you feel better soon.
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  #4  
Old May 07, 2011, 01:38 PM
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roses4me roses4me is offline
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more flashbacks
a really, really bad day

I dream of confronting my mom but cannot
she never had the intellectual or emotional capacity to realize the consequences of what she did
in fact her own actions hurt herself so bad that she used to lock herself in the bathroom crying
(and she passed away)
bad day

roses
thank you Lynn
not really looking for advice or anything else
just trying to survive
  #5  
Old May 07, 2011, 05:41 PM
Ambrosa Ambrosa is offline
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Location: Australia
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Awwww (((((Roses))))) I'm so sorry you woke up feeling like this. Has the antihistamine helped with the hives?
The flash backs I hate them I couldn't handle them. But after coming to terms with what happened and forgiving the person that's when I was able to move. The T i used to see. Said you must be able to forgive the person. you don;t have to like, love or even talk to the but you can forgive them for what they have done.
  #6  
Old May 07, 2011, 05:44 PM
Ambrosa Ambrosa is offline
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Sending you positive vibes your way and lost of hugs
  #7  
Old May 07, 2011, 06:07 PM
Franz Rudolf Franz Rudolf is offline
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Member Since: May 2011
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it feels so bad to hear what you are feeling and thinking. You wake up with the fear of having a bad day. You dont need that! You must think for yourself: There are no good or bad days. There are just simple days and it is up to me to make them good or bad. To decide for the good day. To make up your mind that you are going to have fun, loving to be alive. Believe me, I know that it is not easy many times. I have pain 24/7 since I was 12 and I am 65 now. Many mornings I just wanted to be dead, but the power inside of me made me decide, that there are going to be good things, that I will enjoy the day. I go out (roll out) to the beach, have a coffee, maybe talk to someone. I come home, lie down for a while and then I have my lunch. After that I work on my books and enjoy my own creativity. I fill my days with activities that I enjoy. You see, I used to wake up wanting to die. Now I wake up and do what I decided the evening before. And now I have a good quality of life. Why dont you try that instead of just feeling sad for yourself? I used the last 30 years a method called SRP - Subliminal Rationality Programming with hypnosis once in a while, helping me to find my way. Why dont you try the same?
Good luck
Franz Rudolf
  #8  
Old May 07, 2011, 10:35 PM
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roses4me roses4me is offline
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woke up at 5 pm , sort of , couldn't open my eyes
the muscles in my legs were twitching
felt like my palms and bottoms of my feet were swollen, pins and needles and burning and frozen
my mind felt like it was locked in a birdcage in the back of brain without access to the controls necessary to even open my eyes
I know from past experiences that with extreme effort, I can open my eyes, but I am unable to process what I am seeing... don't even know what I am looking at at

And the ministry has frozen my accounts, I can't even pay bills because of them. they have frozen my visa so I can't the minumum balance... so the amount owed will just keep increasing

they actually think they can force someone who is ill to deal with all this

usually when I get like this, I block everything from my past out and go back to work in a fast food restaurant (don't have the concentration for anything else). For about a year I do that , then everything bubbles up and I try to move forward legally, people do nothing and close files and it all starts again.

don't know what will happen now, just know I don't have the health to do what needs to be done

roses
  #9  
Old May 07, 2011, 10:45 PM
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sundog sundog is offline
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Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California
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((((((((((((((roses)))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. I wish I had something helpful to say. Just wanted to leave you some hugs I really hope things improve for you
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