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#1
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I can't be out of work forever, right?
Even though this has been my time, to heal, to ask questions, to go to therapy, to attend every 12 step meeting I can... I wish the idea of A JOB wasn't so painful for me. I have a brief "phone interview" this Wednesday. The only way I can get by is to say "I don't care." Whatever happens, happens. But I dread it. Going to a job has become about "serving others" at the expense of myself. I don't want it to be that way! There must be something about work that I'm not getting. Other people do it and don't feel like they are being stripped of their humanity. Only me. I don't want it to feel that way. I want to have "say" I want to have "agency." I am not a robot. I do not have to be taken advantage of. If I could just figure out how... I'm trying not to hide. I just feel so angry!
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#2
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Yes! Yes! I wish you that. May the answer come to you and with less effort than you fear.
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![]() Elana05
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