[Gabu]

Warning: My classical disjointed ramblings ensue. For an abridged version, just read the first and last paragraphs.

I seriously think that I really need to find some kind of resource or method I can use to help improve my communication skills. I was over at my sister's the other day getting job seeking help and advice, and as usual I was pretty nervous about talking about what I am trying to do, what I am doing to reach those goals, and so forth. So I was stuttering, having mental blocks, and just couldn't really explain myself nearly as well as I could when I type things out.

I've kinda had issues with talking for a very long time. From what my mom says, I never really talked until I was 5. It wasn't that I knew how, it's just that I never felt the need to talk until then, so I'd say one or two word phrases. Of course this would frustrate me to no end because no one understood what I wanted. And I'm still frustrated that this problem continues to today, though not in the same form.

I can completely talk to people clearly and without any problems when I know the person extremely well, like my closest friends or my mom and know that I won't get hurt by something they said to where I think it's my own fault. My mom is the exception since I know her well enough to know that she is pretty self-centered.

So basically I can talk to 3 people face-to-face and feel comfortable doing so. Dad very rarely yells, but it's frightening enough to keep me from talking to him as much as I probably should. And my sister and brother-in-law are good-intentioned, it's just that they like to poke fun at me for who I am. It's not malicious at all, just simple wisecracking, and I know that, but it still makes me nervous talking to them despite me knowing them very well.

To put it simply, unless I know and trust the person extremely well or otherwise can think and believe 100% that their retorts are their problem, I tend to get extremely poor in my speaking ability. This doesn't seem to apply so much as in a school classroom for some reason, so I can give presentations and such, but I honestly can't talk to other people even if I was going to die unless I called for help. Unless I am otherwise talked to first, or are my friends and mom, odds are that I won't start a conversation on my own, which has really impeded my ability to have friends and actually have more speaking confidence as a whole. In fact said friends I first met on the Internet and felt like I could trust, and are in fact friends themselves.

I just don't know what's wrong with me. Apparently when I was really young I was thought either as mentally challenged, autistic, or possibly both, but I guess that didn't fit. When I got older, I took a neurological test and turned out not having Asperger's, yet still people come to that conclusion time and time again. I checked one of my referrals and had Generalized Anxiety Disorder, though it seems more like I have a social anxiety issue way more than a generalized anxiety.

It's like people know I have a problem of some sort with my social skills but aren't really sure what they can do to help me. I am getting more frightened about the world so I stay inside my home. Any attempts to make friends or otherwise get attention fail because I get scared.

To put it simply, I need to communicate better, but I have no idea how to start.

[Rohag]

Hello, Gabu! My quick impression is that your basic, raw communication skills are good, but your personal anxiety response affects your communication. Different people respond to anxiety in different ways; for you, anxiety "attacks" your ability to communicate.

Of course, I think you should discuss this with a professional. Nevertheless, I suspect your personalized response to anxiety is the main problem and not your communication skills.

[BeyondBlue]

I agree with the poster above. I have the same problem and because of depression too I isolate myself too much which isn't good when it comes to being aorund people. I've become social phobic. So it makes me have poor communication skills. My therapist is helping me in this area.

[Silent_tsol]

When I'm anxious I jumble my words and thoughts. It frustrates me to know end but similar to you, I can type out thoughts very well. I tend to rush through and get lost. I agree that it's more of an emotional issue than a communication thing. Anxieties often mix and match in a way, like I have GAD (officially) but I have a lot of OCD tendencies. Have you done any therapy for your anxiety?

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I really appreciate this thread tonight.

I think I realize what a big part of my problem is now because of reading this.

I think my own communication skills are good.

I am intelligent.

But my anxiety often puts me on the defensive or just plain makes me feel numb and dumb and then of course I can't talk or even move sometimes.

Alone, my anxiety is not so bad, but with people, I just freeze up and feel like a 4 year old again, unless, as was mentioned, it's people I know very well.

Ty,

Billi