[Xeneon]

Im kind of nervous about going back to work. I have been off for 3 months and going back will be good because I need the money but I have two jobs. My one job is great and I'm gladed with it but other job is horrible. I have tried 3 times to get my schedule but they haven't called me or emailed me. They called begging me to come back and now I can't even get them to call me back. What the heck?? So I'm kind of nervous and my anxiety is going up about it. I'm trying to ignore it but it keeps telling me that I'm going to hate this, that my life will be horrible. I keep trying to tell myself no no that my anxiety. I keep trying to reason with my anxiety but my anxiety is kind of winning because of how my boss is actting. Last year was horrible. My boss would make fun of my hair and be a complete jerk to me. I kept proving him wrong so we finally are on the same page and I just don't want to go back to proving myself with him. My other thing is too, I don' t just have that stuff on my plate. I am a Red Cross disaster team member,mission board member, babysitter and a basketball coach. OOO and on top of all that I'm learn to play the guitar. I'm scared that I won't be able to do this and I hate letting other people down and I at the time I can already tell I'm going to be letting myself down too because I don't want to fail but it just doesn't look promising.I have a 8 hour meeting tommorrow with the job I acturally like but I have sat threw 2 meeting about the subject already so I would really like to pretend I did but didn't. So I don't know whats going to happen and I hate that!!!

Aside to all my ranting my sister said she wanted to be on anxiety pills today. She has always looked down on me, when I was in therapy and now she is the one getting the anxiety pills. It makes me laugh but at the time, it makes me happy that she realizes that sometime we all just need a hand.

Thanks for reading!!!