[HaleBopp13]

I have no official diagnosis of any phobia, and I know that I must go to see a psychologist to get one... but over the past three years my concern has grown over an escalating problem that is interfering with my life.
I do know that a prerequisite for Agoraphobia is a history of panic disorder. I don't remember being officially diagnosed with that... but... in my mid-adolescence I do know that I had a series of 10 panic attacks in the span of 2 years. Then... they suddenly stopped.
But... then, around 16, I developed Bipolar disorder. I had a tendency to enter an bipolar mania or depressive episode quite suddenly and my behavior during these episodes was bizarre enough to make others afraid of me.

In high school I had no real problems with crowds. I would go to football games and high school dances and have a great time. But...
In the time since I have left high school I have been developing an increasing fear of going anywhere with a large crowd or to a place where it would be difficult to escape.
At the same time, when I did try to go to crowded places, I started having panic attacks again... for the first time in over five years!
I don't know what to do.
It's like my fear is a self-fulfilling prophesy.
I can leave my house and go to the library or to class. But... I have difficulty going anywhere where I am trapped in a crowd of loud noisy people.
It is definitely becoming a problem.
My family has little understanding of my refusal to go see my younger sister's band concerts and performances in high school musicals... and of my resistance of the idea of going to band competitions, football games, or community dinners... potlucks, silent auctions, picnics, etc.
They don't understand my anxiety about taking the metro bus, or my resistance to going out to eat at restaurants.

At first some members of my family thought I was refusing to see my sister perform her talents because I was "jealous" or "being selfish." Thankfully, they usually don't think that way anymore and seem to notice my legitimate distress over my inability to do things I once loved. And they are becoming concerned, and even making accomodations such as telling me if such an event is coming and asking if I feel up to coming. I really really appreciate this... but it doesn't take away my fear that I may be developing the dreaded agoraphobia nor does it take away my grief that I can't participate in things I loved to do once upon a time, and my shame that I am afraid of such everyday events.

It's getting worse as time passes. I am secluding myself more often and some of my old friends are distancing themselves because they think I'm avoiding them when they invite me to go someplace. Nevermind the fact that I love having them over to my house.

I don't know what to do. This problem is getting out of control. Agoraphobia or not... whatever the heck it is... I really want it taken care of asap.
Do any of you have advise for me?

[sorrel]

I've experienced similar, and still do to some degree. But I've never been diagnosed with agoraphobia, as they lumped *everything* in under depression in my case...
Therapy helps me, and a good GP, and supportive managers at work. Understanding the deeper reasons for my panic helps immensely.

[Diversion]

I have never been diagnosed with agoraphobia but i can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying. My husband is extremely outgoing so he pushes me (often to my be met with my tantrums over it lol) to go outside and involve myself with new things and people.
I honestly think if he weren't in my life i would stay home all the time by myself and be ok with that.
I do make an effort every day though, even if it's to the mailbox or the grocery store. And albeit very uncomfortable, i'm making an effort to actually smile and converse with others while i'm out. I"m hoping it gets easier the more i do it.