[BrokenNBeautiful]

Hi.

Billi here.

I went grocery shopping today---something I am learning not to hate.

I don't hate shopping, I hate the anxiety! lol

Anyway, I was going thru the checkout and attempting to pay for my groceries. I was still buzzing from the anxiety---even when I cope with it, I am not entirely without it---and I forgot to enter my PIN as I swiped my card.

The woman was looking at me very weird and she says in (what I thought was) a snippy condescending manner: "How are you going to pay?"

And I go, (calmly, although I was feeling humiliated) "Ma'am, I thought I had swiped it already."

I noticed that I had forgotten to enter my PIN. I then did.

She goes, "Okay, thank you Ms. ___________. Have a nice day." The voice still sounded very snippy.

I left, my face burning.

Suddenly, something shifted.

I realized I was *triggered*. My abuser had talked to me this way most of my life and hearing that woman's voice had been a TRIGGER.

I was able to embrace my hurt inner child and say to her, "That woman was not very nice, I know. But you did not mean to be delinquent. She did not know you. She could have been treated badly by her boss, too. Remember last summer they were threatening a strike?"

I still felt shaky, but managed to come home in one piece...

Billi

[pbutton]

I'm impressed Great work!

[knphelan]

Great job facing your fears. It is tough to have the courage to confront your fears and think positively about that. This was a great stride and the more you face this fear the easier it will become. This was step one. The hardest step of them all.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thanks.

The "adult" was definitely in charge, not the child in me.

I was able to deal with it.

Will keep practicing.

Billi

[gma45]

Way to go! Really making steps in the right direction. It gives me hope seems like lately I have had many triggers I just start crying I don't understand? I never was like this before.