[CatEngland]

I guess I have this thing about money- paying bills when they are late-I freeze up, put it off until the very last moment, and I inevitably get behind with my payments. I get so nervous when I speak to the people that I start to cry sometimes! Thankfully I get nice people so it isn't too bad. I am so ashamed of how I have leg my life, it is just one more "FAIL' in my life. I can't keep living like this...

[DenisDonnacha]

You're not alone, trust me. Being late on payments isn't a fail, it's just being a little late. They have plenty of money already, few more days or weeks won't do any harm. that's how I look at it.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I'm the same way. I put everything off as long as I possibly can. I've gone weeks without water and weeks without lights too. With a terrible economy and an "uneducated" (haven't finished college yet) single mom, thinking about the bills sends me to a whole other level of stress. Because of that I block it out, forget about it intentionally as long as I can.

I currently am just living life "figuring it out" I can't afford to live basically but somehow I am figuring it out as I go. This is why my credit score is 300. I don't know how much help I can be, or if I should even offer advice, I'm no role model in this sense.

I'm obsessed with calendars lately, it's helping me get back on schedule, perhaps get a day planner and try to be sure to put all important dates in it and force yourself to send the check by the date in the calendar so you don't have to call and explain why it's late again!? Best of luck.

[CatEngland]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

I'm the same way. I put everything off as long as I possibly can. I've gone weeks without water and weeks without lights too. With a terrible economy and an "uneducated" (haven't finished college yet) single mom, thinking about the bills sends me to a whole other level of stress. Because of that I block it out, forget about it intentionally as long as I can.

It is horrible to have that feeling you get when you see bills in the mail- and they just keep on piling up. I put off my mortgage for way too long (my ex husband got me in debt and I am still paying for it) and it went into forclosure. But thankfully I am getting out- but have huge *** payments for the next 5 months. I hear you about blocking it out- I am well educated, have a good job, and was taught right from wrong about paying bills. My mother gets freaked when she mails in a payment a few days late, never had a returned check- and pays cash for everything.
previously -I have to mentally psych myself up to pay the bills, putting it off so I didn't ruin a good day. I have made a mess of things to say the least. I have gotten rid (10 years ago) of credit cards- but am still paying one off.


I currently am just living life "figuring it out" I can't afford to live basically but somehow I am figuring it out as I go. This is why my credit score is 300. I don't know how much help I can be, or if I should even offer advice, I'm no role model in this sense.

I am afraid to check my credit score- must be in the 200's

I'm obsessed with calendars lately, it's helping me get back on schedule, perhaps get a day planner and try to be sure to put all important dates in it and force yourself to send the check by the date in the calendar so you don't have to call and explain why it's late again!? Best of luck.[/QUOTE]

I am also becoming obsessed with calendars- which is a good thing- writing down a 6 month plan for paying bills. 2 months ago I discovered that my credit union has a free online bill paying feature- now I don't have to make myself sit at a table with a checkbook, bills, envelopes, and stamps and just feel the overwhelming pressure of trying to balance it all out. I can now start paying some bills ahead of time- like for instance- my fuel oil costs about $400 every 3 1/2 weeks (we live up by Canada and it is coooold!) so now I pay $50 a week to the company and when I need oil- I just pay the balance. I am also going to start that with our Vet bills- $10.00 weekly and we can get each of our cats checked out every year (we have 4 of them)

Some weeks I can't send out as much as I want- but I am making a dent. We got rid of our cable TV (dish network- never wanted it but ex did) and our tv is now Netflix and Hulu- about $30 a month.

It is so nice to have people to talk with about this stuff- I don't know if anyone I know would understand- and you can't just strike up a conversation and say I am 6 months behind in my mortgage- how are you doing?

Thanks for letting me share...

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

lol thanks for sharing! It does seem like you are pushing forward and I know from personal experience just pushing forward is a HUGE step. Keep up the great work! I'm glad you're finding things that work for you. Just stick to your guns and keep it up. It's funny the other day my boyfriend and I were talking about the slump I'm in. I was saying I just don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to make things better financially to get out of this hole. I was saying this while we were outside smoking a cigarette after we ate our chineese. I go back inside and open my fortune cookie and it says "The root of all success is action" bam! In my face. I haven't been putting enough action into my words and pleas of normalcy and stability. I've just been hoping for it and not reaching for it.

You seem to be reaching for it, keep that up. That so far seems to be the hardest step for me, to reach for it. But one day hopefully... You really seem to be doing well, I have an ex who had to have his credit perfect but he used mine to fall back on, for things he didn't care if it didn't get paid. I left with a credit score of low 400s and in all honesty, none of the loans in my name at that time were for me.

So I left and had no money no credit so I just made it worse. Got a credit card and maxed it out, than maxed out another. When the bills came in the mail, I threw them away and never looked back. Now I'm trying to figure out how to start to pay some people back. Mania mixed with frustration and stress over bills is not a good thing lol. But I'm working on getting to where you are now. Even getting to the point where you can work on it takes work lol

[ECHOES]

Makes me very very very very nervous.

After many financial issues, car repossessed, bill collectores, etc., what I did that helped was:
I wrote a list of my expenses and the date, in order, that each bill is due.
Then I divided them in half, so half of my expenses come out of each paycheck (every other week).

On index cards, I write down the date I will get paid and each bill that is to be paid from that paycheck. They get paid right away, online. Done.
It took a bit of time to get to where I was not always behind, and where I could pay everything as it became due.
With practice, I realized that a lot of the anxiety was coming from my not really knowing my financial status. Now, with the above system and with having my bank send me an email every day of what my balance is (after the bank has done posting overnight), I now know at any moment how much I have in the bank. That has been a big relief, even if I only have $10. The anxiety of not knowing was worse.

[AnotherDayDown]

Finances are a big anxiety for me also. Even looking at the bank's homepage pop up in my "favorites" list makes me cringe. I don't want to call the bank and tell them they charged us the debit card fee even if after they said they wouldn't. I don't want to deal with the identity fraud case we have- someone used our card number to buy $216 worth of stuff at walmart. I don't want to deal with the fact my husband broke our brand new bed because he was moving it yesterday. I don't want to look through the pile of papers sitting on the counter. It's just too much. I might end up putting it off one more day.

[CatEngland]

The anxiety for me was paralyzing- I used to not be able to check the mail, or even go through it. I would even be embarrassed to see the mailman because I knew he "knew" I was in deep financial trouble.

I even used to have to psych myself up to make the calls I needed to make. I would try every trick in my head- thinking - if I called when I got home, I would have the whole night to relax and it would be a reward (never worked), I would set times to call- then realize that my day had been so good that I didn't want to ruin it with the call, and it would not get done. Basically I just waited until the day it was due- call it in- with super anxiety- on the brink of crying, pay the $20 fee to do it over the phone, and then be relieved until the next problem.

AnotherDayDown - could you have your husband do the calling for you? My ex husband was good for that- and did make a difference for me in some circumstances...
ECHOES- what a great way of doing things- I think you are right- not knowing where I was financially really made me a mess. This weekend I am making a new budget up until June 2012- I know one major problem I have- it is over spending on little things that add up. I tend to go overboard grocery shopping so I guess I need to budget my meals also. Its so hard to eat healthy and cut grocery bills down. I have started crock potting more.... I would love to help anyone out paying bills- or facing their bills and balances if I can help it- I am sooo better dealing with other people's fears more than myself!

[CatEngland]

Hey- do any of you feel like - well- it’s hard to put into words- but I almost feel like I am in financial trouble because I "deserve" it- I mean- I know it’s not right to say this- but it's kind of like I have to face the financial trouble because I brought it on myself and deserve these problems because I was somehow a "bad" person- "bad" meaning I didn't do what I should have done with my money in the first place and faced the problems and did like my mother taught me to do- so this is what I deserve?

I accept the problems (not really accept them because who would- but I understand that this is a repercussion of not being good financially) and I am getting what I deserve so I accept these problems better than someone else who is more disciplined than I am? (this is so hard to put into words and make sense)

[Marla500]

I am right there with you, and this time of year it is even harder. I am the same way with grocery shopping, I think because it's easy to go in to get one item and come out with more than a few.....my problem is that I always have a long list of new dishes I want to try....and I need to space them out more. I do feel guilty for getting behind. a budget does help, I used to have one and need to do one again.

[AnotherDayDown]

My husband is the main reason we are in the financial rut, so no haha...he wouldn't be much good at calling either. I did call the bank yesterday though, and they sorted out the identity fraud. It was really easy. ha. Checking the mail makes me nervous, like you too.

[lancetrot]

Being financially secured is about the short term and the long term. You're not theonly one in living with anxious, but you can battle that anxiety with a programme and goals. Short term is paying off your bills every month and if it's great when you have money to go towards savings! Question is, how practically should you have in savings to feel prosperous? The answer is specific to you and your situation, but there is lot of differing advice from experts. My guess is your anxiety is caused by now knowing if you're putting enough in savings and what if something bad happens; it's time to take control of your money instead of letting it control you.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by CatEngland

I guess I have this thing about money- paying bills when they are late-I freeze up, put it off until the very last moment, and I inevitably get behind with my payments. I get so nervous when I speak to the people that I start to cry sometimes! Thankfully I get nice people so it isn't too bad. I am so ashamed of how I have leg my life, it is just one more "FAIL' in my life. I can't keep living like this...

Hi CatEngland,
I can relate. Money has always been one of my worst anxieties. I would freak out just grocery shopping or paying a bill and end up so sad and in despair I'd crawl into bed and cry. Many hugs and supportive thoughts to you...
For me, therapy has helped. But meds have really helped. I am on zoloft (about six months). Even though the money situation hasn't significantly improved, the way I look at it has. I am more able to take it in stride and not feel totally overwhelmed...

[gma45]

So glad I am not the only one! Complete panic every month! I hate it.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I can relate to alot of it. I'm sure there are countless numbers of people across the country in similiar situations. Most of my financial problems ( credit card debt) was caused by overspending while I was hypomanic and when the bills rolled in that caused depression and the stress sent me back in hypomania & it turns into a vicious cycle. It was literally decades before my diagnosis of BPII so alot of damage was done. Now that I understand my behavior along with the meds I am able to control it most of the time.
Fixing all the damage and forgiving yourself is not easy to deal with.