[Darbypar]

I haven't seen a psychiatrist in 20 years since i was 14. I've been diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder, depression and ADHD, but I had a "mental breakdown" on Sunday and the past year is very foggy. The ER said to see a psychiatrist and I'm suddenly realizing how messed up I am. I realize that the voices in my head aren't normal. I realize that my blackouts aren't blackouts to my children and apparently, I say things that I forget later.

Today, I see a psychiatrist and I'm excited and yet very angry. I feel as though I am 2 different people... one is an introverted, crying, hysterical mess and the other is angry, vindictive, un-trusting and violent. This angry voice tells me to throw my kids over the balcony or drive into oncoming traffic. Why have I thought this was normal all these years? Obviously, I ignore her and then get upset that such thoughts cross my mind, but how could i not know that it's not normal?

I had a psychiatrist break my trust when I was 14 and I've hated them since. Even though i'm excited that i might find an answer, I'm angry and want to hurt someone.

Today, she told me her name is Darby, which ironically, is my user name and an email address I've had for the longest time. What does that mean?

[Trekkie]

Sending best wishes your way! Hopefully the name commonality is a good sign.

[BlondeFairy]

Sending positive vibes!! I agree, I hope the name is a good sign!!