[twinarmageddons]

Hi everyone. I am 17 and have recently been diagnosed with severe Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and also Panic Disorder by my therapist. I have always been very shy and timid, and extremely fearful of social situations, though that has definitely increased in the past few years.

My family doctor prescribed me 50 mg of Zoloft and 1mg of Abilify to use per day. I've only been on the Zoloft for a few days, and it seems to already have a slightly euphoric affect. I have been extremely hyper the past few days, and can't really help this crazy surge of energy I have. My mom apparently also says that I randomly space out with this "crazy look" on my face, haha. I think that's just me spacing out though. I also have really bad insomnia from it, but my doctor said those are side effects that should fade away after a few weeks of using it. I just started Abilify yesterday afternoon, and didn't really notice a difference from it. He said that also takes time to take affect, though.

Anyways, just thought I'd state what all I'm on. My main question derives from this; am I delusional? And if I am, does this mean it is just part of my anxiety?

Basically, I get these "obsessions". It's not like obsessive-compulsive disorder, it's obsessions with shows/games/webcomics. These obsessions usually last from months, to years. My last obsession lasted about 3 years. My recent one has started full-force, about three months ago. People may describe it as just "extreme fandom", which may be all it is. But when I say extreme, I MEAN extreme. And they never involve real people, it is always anime, video games, or cartoons of some kind.

So here comes the weird part. I think a lot of the time, that the things in my obsessions are real or are going to come to life. I know in the back of my head it's not true later on, but when I am thinking about it, I sometimes can't really tell what's real and what isn't. It literally consumes my mind. If I see something that is even vaguely coincidental of my interest, I will freak out and think it is some sort of sign that I am going to get pulled into an alternate dimension with these characters or vice versa. And the thing is, when it is happening, I actually think that. Or sometimes even after I just start having this panic attack or hyper episode and think to myself, "That's just too ironic not to be true! Something is going to happen!", and then continue to think it's a sign. I still do, a lot. And then sometimes, I also already think that the characters and situations already are here. I imagine myself talking with characters, and situations with them, and when I think back to a certain moment, sometimes I even have "memories" which include them, even though there was no one there and I was not talking aloud to anyone. Or, I will think "Oh man, __________(insert a character name) is probably right around the corner during a thunderstorm like this...this apocalyptic weather surely is a sign of something..." Or something of that nature, it's just an example. It's like your childhood imaginary friends taken to another level, and they never seem to go away. Sometimes I legitimately think that creepy characters from my obsessions are going to be hiding in my closet and will try to stalk and hurt me, so I go and sleep in my brothers room. In fact, I haven't slept in my own room in awhile. The thing is though, I would be very unhappy without my obsessions, and don't know how I would function without them. I have never lived without an obsession, even since I was a small child. I had the same kinds of delusions then, but I would think of it as normal at that age.

But the thing is, from things I have read, if you recognize the delusions aren't real, you're not delusional. So maybe this is part of my anxiety? I'm not sure. But I do know that my vision between reality and my fantasy worlds is extremely skewed, and I often find myself mixing them up, which can be very frustrating. Sometimes I actually think I am in their world, rather than them in mine, and think I am on some sort of mission with them.

No, being in social situations and getting out more does not affect this in any way. Regardless of what situation I'm in, with normal friends (which I no longer have, really.) or hanging out with people. It is not just something I use because of my lack of socialization. I am constantly thinking about my obsession and nothing else. When I listen to music, I only hear and see pictures of my obsessions. I find it hard to talk about anything else around my family, and they get very irritated by it, except my brother, since he usually shares the same interest with me, but doesn't get as into it as I do.

Another strange thing I do, is when I am walking or doing something, I do not imagine myself, as myself. Okay, I don't know if that makes sense. But when I'm walking, I also usually imagine myself as a character from my obsession. I don't actually picture myself as myself, and find myself on occasion, in my head, pretending i'm these characters. I will talk in their voices, and my family thinks I'm usually just being silly I think, and not that I am mimicking a fake character and temporarily feel like I am them.


I just don't know what to do. I know it's not healthy, and yes, i've tried to shake the notions and obsessions away before by doing other things, but it is always to no avail.

Sorry for this being so terribly long. But, do you think this is just part of my anxiety? I have not told my therapist about these delusions yet, and am not sure if I should.

[mindamarie]

That sure is a confusing topic. I've never experienced anything like that so this may be not be helpful, but it sounds like you might have delusional states. You see, I'm bipolar and I have delusions at time, and at the time I think it's real, but when I calm down and I go into a different cycle thats when I realize it wasn't real. So I think you might be OCD about your comics or anime(just a thought, i could be wrong) and that causes you to go into a delusional state and you only realize it was in your head after you come out of that state. Make sense? I dont know if that was any helpful or if im even right, but it's just a hunch. I'd definitley talk to your therapist about it though because it does seem serious enough to interfere with your life.

[twinarmageddons]

Originally Posted by mindamarie

That sure is a confusing topic. I've never experienced anything like that so this may be not be helpful, but it sounds like you might have delusional states. You see, I'm bipolar and I have delusions at time, and at the time I think it's real, but when I calm down and I go into a different cycle thats when I realize it wasn't real. So I think you might be OCD about your comics or anime(just a thought, i could be wrong) and that causes you to go into a delusional state and you only realize it was in your head after you come out of that state. Make sense? I dont know if that was any helpful or if im even right, but it's just a hunch. I'd definitley talk to your therapist about it though because it does seem serious enough to interfere with your life.

It's possible, I see where you are coming from with that idea! My therapist said I don't exhibit any OCD habits, but I don't know if she has registered in my actual obsessions. She said those kinds of obsessions don't actually have to do with OCD. The thing is though, I really don't think she understands the extent of my obsessions. When they cause me to think only about them, and I think I have an impending doom that happened in the stories/comics, and if I think a "character" is stalking me (usually with malicious intent or sometimes some strange romantic fixation with me), it can actually be legitimately distracting and debilitating. I will find myself looking back or around, thinking they are around somewhere, and just have this nervous feeling in my stomach that something is about to happen. It's not always bad though, and sometimes is almost euphoric in its sense and feel that they are around as my friends, in a way that I feel I am about to embark on some great adventure. I realize how crazy that sounds, but I can't bring myself to think it's crazy, especially when it's happening. I feel like coincidental signs I see that relate to or are in the comic somehow are targeted at me, and that it is just "too ironic to be coincidental", like I said before. This makes the delusions worse, and will often trigger them. I suppose I will tell my therapist about it, i'm just afraid of what she'll say, haha...there's the anxiety part of me showing through. I guess that's what she's there for, though. :33 Thank you, I'm happy you answered and helped out!