[blackandblue13]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. I decided to register in the site so I could ask you if anyone else feels the same way as I've been feeling. I actually have no idea what else I should do right now. I guess I just need to feel that this is "normal".

For the past year, year and a half maybe, I've been feeling very anxious about certain things. I tend to cling to something specific and "obsess" about it. For example, (even though I now KNOW that this is absolutely silly!) when I heard about the supposed "end of the world" in December 2012, I got so anxious I couldn't sleep or stop thinking about it. I am pretty sure that I read every single web page about the theme (ok, maybe not EVERY single one. But close to that).
This is just an example. Now, looking in hind-sight, I see that I really was going crazy about it. Until I simply stopped thinking about it (I don't remember how I did it). And now I don't have the slightest problem about this.

Now, the actual present problem.

I've been in a relationship since 2011. I really, really love my boyfriend. A lot. I'm pretty sure I've never loved someone this much, and I really want this relationship to last.
Recently, maybe for the past 2 months, I've been feeling especially anxious and sad. I cry a lot for no reason, when we're not together. I obsess about conversations I've had with my bf about his past relationship (which doesn't bother me when I think about it rationally, and is a perfectly normal thing to talk about).
I tend to replay everything in my head over and over again. And I feel indescribably sad and "lost" whenever I'm not with him. I'm always thinking he's going to leave me (even though I know he's not or doesn't want/have a reason to), I'm always thinking that something bad is going to happen to him, and the list goes on.

I'm currently trying to study for my Uni exams and this kind of thoughts really is bothering me and keeping me away from focusing in what I'm doing.

So I decided to google anxiety disorders and read more about it.
Turns out I found a type of anxiety disorder called Separation Anxiety Disorder, somewhat common in children, that don't want to be away from their parents. But it also happens in adults (ASAD).
As soon as I read the description I thought "I might have this". First of all, now that I know about this type of disorder, I understand that I suffered from this as a child. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and I got very, very attached to my mother. I would refuse to sleep on my own without her, I'd refuse to be without her during the day. Even when she left for work (I stayed with my grandparents, we lived with them for a while) I cried a lot and it was hard for me to understand why she HAD to leave.

Eventually I overcame this situation when we moved in with my stepfather. But I went through a phase of nightmares and "sleep walking" (according to my mother and stepfather, because I have NO memories about this whatsoever) at the beginning, when we moved in to our new house.

I guess this seems more normal in children than in adults.

Now the problem is: I think I may have "replaced" my mom by my boyfriend, somehow...? because I'm studying away from my country, and live on my own, so he's the most important and present person in my life right now. Definitely the person that I feel most attached to, and the person that I count with the most.

Do you think that this is possible to be happening? :S what should I do?
This situation is emotionally draining, as I'm always worried about him and our relationship when we're not together.
I can't focus on anything

[Silent_tsol]

I came up with a while bunch of thoughts related to your post but I'm on my phone so it might come out jumbled.

you didn't say how long you've been living where you are but one thing that easily makes sense to me is feeling attached to him because he's "the only one" there for you. You may suddenly be feeling that you couldn't be secure if you didn't have his support. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to rely entirely on yourself without anyone else because the idea if that can be very daunting and scary.

Another idea, I'm not sure what your relationship with your father is but often times we recreate abandonment our fear abandonment if we have felt it in our past. Especially if it were projecting your father onto a new male figure in your life.

Another term that you might find has some things that fit for you is co-dependent.

I find that for myself, when I have something that is really stressing me out, my anxiety gets more out of control. So it could be your exams that have sent you spiraling. You might be able to have free access to an on campus counselor who may be able to help you work out some coping skills for how you are feeling. Don't feel embarrassed for setting them, schools have them because college of stressful and they keep them because they are used frequently.

Ask your bf for reassurance. Sometimes as relationships progress we forget to voice all those feelings that came out so openly in the beginning because you start to feel comfortable and some the other person knows how you feel.

[blackandblue13]

Firstly, thank you very much for your reply.

I've been here for 2 years. But I have friends around here, at Uni, and I live with 3 other people who I'm friends with (these 3 are not close friends, though).
I don't live with my boyfriend. We're both students and we both live with friends, so I think I can say that I'm relying on myself most of the time.

To be honest, I got shocked about the idea of feeling this way about someone because I'm a very independent, autonomous person. That's probably why I had never figured that I'm actually so dependent on "one person" (whoever that person is at the stage of my life). It seems now that I'm the way I am to kind of mask my fears...? Well, that's just me diverging on my thoughts.

My relationship with my father doesn't actually exist. The reason why my parents got divorced was because my mother was a victim of domestic violence, which I recall vividly, and I never had/don't have any intention of maintaining a relationship with him. It doesn't really bother me, trust me.
But yes, I can relate to being scared of abandonment a lot. In fact, that's probably the reason why this happens when I'm away from the people I love, in this case, from my bf.

I think you're right again. After I posted in the forum I was thinking that last year, by the same time (examination period), I felt really obsessive about other things too. It can't be a coincidence, I get more anxious when there is another factor stressing me. Exams really know how to do it...!

In fact, I just got the courage to book an appointment (even did it online) with my Uni's mental well being service. I was feeling rather embarrassed to do it, but I guess there's no harm in it. Thank you

About the reassurance... I ask for it quite a lot. Not excessively though, but I do. Sometimes I just can't help it, because of my nearly-constant fear of him leaving me. I know he understands I'm just asking for reassurance, but I also see it affects him, because he feels he's not doing enough. And I honestly think he is :/ so I'm trying not to talk about that subject.

Thank you!