[CatEngland]

Hi there- over the summer- I am meeting my fiancé’s twin teenage boys (they are from England and I live in the US) for the first time. They will be living with us for about 2 months. I suspect there will be a problem when they are here- and it is still taking me a while to get used to how things will be. From what I have been told by my fiancé- the boys don't eat anything. (I have looked online at message boards and only find things that deal with toddlers that are pickey eaters mostly)

When he first told me that- I assumed they were just picky eaters- so I went through what usually all people say when I tell them "oh, well some kids are picky- they must be more into junk food then- do they like pizza?" no grilled cheese? No Hamburgers? no- basically all the boys will eat is bread and butter, garlic bread (only a certain brand- if there another brand that is identical looking is mixed in with the other- they can pick it out) crackers, some kind of drink that is like a juice but doesn't contain juice. One of the boys- "M"- will eat a certain type of pizza, and will eat some sort of kebab- but the other "J" won’t eat anything. Their physician does not have them on any vitamins- and my fiancé was told they would “grow out of it”. They don't drink milk or eat any dairy products. They may eat some kind of potato chip, they don't like candy (that is good!) and they have been surviving on bread and butter for the most part. "J" is even in a group similar to the boy scouts over there and went to a weekend camp where they were served army rations- he didn't eat a thing for 2 days and got weak and had to be picked up.

“J” also has some vocal tics and was seeing a mental health provider- I guess the tics have subsided for the most part and they were working on food issues. I am unsure if he is still going or not.

I am a speech pathologist- I totally understand sensory issues, kids with food texture problems etc. I have worked with every kind of disability under the sun, but usually the kids were younger and not a teen.

I know that as the adult- I have to work on some issues of my own and be understanding-and right now since I haven’t met the boys- I don’t have a clear cut picture of what goes on with them. I have my own anxiety problems and know what it is like- and I need to familiarize myself with all I need to know before they live here.

I know that they boys will have to eat their bread and butter or crackers- whatever- but what troubles me is that they have been catered to over the last few years and have not even really been offered or have been around other food choices. They are fed what they want, and they eat when they want, and they are not even exposed to a daily meal of choices of foods that they may or not like or have tried to eat. I feel they should see other people eating thins, be exposed to the sights and smells of other foods, and this may help them through things.

I know that this goes beyond them being “fussy” and it is a valid issue- but I will be cooking our dinners, having many foods on the table that they can try “M” will try food sometimes- but “J” now has an anxiety about getting sick from food. I am not cold hearted, but I want to at least expose them to different foods. They don’t eat any vegetables (what teens do though? Lol) no fruits, the only meat might be chicken for at least “M” and J might eat French fries.

Has anyone else had to deal with teens with food aversions? Or as an adult have them and can give me some advice? I know I am to be patient and not force things- but I do want to encourage them to at least take a bite and see- they can spit it out immediately- just to try it perhaps.

I know there is a difference in our families- my family is big on celebrations, dinners, with focus on foods, and serving family favorites. I know that in the boy’s lives they live very sheltered and do not ever go anywhere to eat other than their house, they take their lunch to school, and when they go to a friend’s house they are served what they only eat.

I would like any suggestions or advice- I promise not to force them- but I would like to offer up more than just bread, butter, or friench fries to them.

Thanks!!!!

[Piraeus]

If it was me, I would just serve them the food, and don't try to cater them.
I'm sure they will find something to eat. It would tick me off if they didn't eat what I serve. Cooking can be hard work. Maybe they just don't see that.Best of luck.

[Trippin2.0]

My niece has lived on bread and butter for the most part of her short life, maybe I can offer possible insight?? She doesn't 'like' flavour, or mixtures of it. It's something to do with sensory over stimulation the dr said. Getting her to eat ANYTHING flavoured or colourful has been a chore! She's only 10, but there has been noticeable progress We have slowly upgraded her to cheese. So now she'll eat a McDonalds cheeseburger (no sauce or garnish) Mac n Cheese, toasted cheese sandwiches and only Marguerita pizza. She only eats plain ice-cream, and oatmeal biscuits, and half a banana. Oh and fries and chicken are safe too. Sometimes she'll try some chocolate... This has been a long process, she's been 'picky' since she was a toddler. She will willingly go to bed hungry if the food looks too 'strange' and her mum hasn't prepared something seperate for her. What I've noticed is, since there's a level of trust built up between her and a few of us, with the right words and coaxing, she'll begrudgingly atleast TRY a bite of something new, and that's how we've expanded her menu... And yes, in the past, she has been known to go into a panic over being expected to eat something she couldn't comprehend eating. Now that she knows we're trying to help, the worst she does is sulk.

[unaluna]

this is the only control they have over their lives? my nephew uses Ensure. he has zero control over his life.

[CatEngland]

Originally Posted by Piraeus

If it was me, I would just serve them the food, and don't try to cater them.
I'm sure they will find something to eat. It would tick me off if they didn't eat what I serve. Cooking can be hard work. Maybe they just don't see that.Best of luck.

For the majority of their life- their mother didn't cook at all- so it was left up to my fiance - who kind of was on his own with them, and didn't give it much thought about how to expose them to new things, and not cook them separate dinners.

I guess he got used to them like that and since everyone around them accepted it- he didn't question it too much. His ex-wife always said she was a picky eater as well- and it was left at that.

I think I will just cook a regular dinner. I will make sure there will be a variety of foods- and they can see how a dinner is prepared as well as everyone sitting down to a meal together. The shocking thing for me is that they don't know or have been taught that when you go out to eat to someone's house (especially being teenagers) you have to be polite and eat what you can. They have never seen a person come home from a hard days work, and actually cook a big meal for them. My son knows how to go to someone's house, and be polite, and do the right things- but I guess those kinds of manners were important for us to teach him, and I think the boys need to see how a meal really works- and you can't just eat bread and butter and be polite. I will take it easy and slow- thanks for your wish of luck!

[Trippin2.0]

If their aversion to food has got zero to do with their knowledge of the variety of food available, and what hard work cooking is. Also wether or not their mom cooked for them, then has nothing to do with manners and politeness. IF, I'm right, then I'm really sorry, bcoz your summer will be stressful as you're setting yourself up for failure. Think about it logically, what 'normal' teenager turns down junk food, or WANTS to eat bread, butter and crackers, even after you offer him lasagne? Really? They're not even a TINY bit curious? Even if their mum didn't cook much, doesn't mean they know nothing about food, or that that would explain their behaviour, I'd expect them to be curious about what they were deprived of and or jump on the opportunity to have something better! Think about it, they've NEVER seen or HEARD, about other food? Really? NEVER been intrigued to try it, coz they weren't cooked for?? Makes no sense... Once again, goodluck for your summer.

[kindachaotic]

I have to agree with Trippin. My son was like this until the past 2-3yrs & he's almost 26yrs old. A sensory overload issue.
It had nothing to do with what I fixed or what he was exposed to at school or relatives houses. Whether it's the smell, apperance, taste or texture in mouth, even of he liked the taste, he could not help it. Not something he could change about himself, he would also go to bed without eating. That was a trial that was short lived.
There would be lengths of time from 2mon-2yrs he ate the same thing 2 meals a day & something like pudding as a snack. At least the pudding had milk in it. Also made sure he had a multivitamin, until he left home anyway.
His diet is still very, very bland.
You can fix your meals like you always do but don't take it personal if they eat none of it. This can't be changed in 2mon so try & enjoy your visit with them.
Best wishes.

[Trippin2.0]

Thank you kindachaotic, atleast there's someone who not only understands but validates the info I thought would help.

[siriushousewife]

Maybe you should just sit down and talk to them like they are adults. Find info on food aversion and sensory overload and share it with them. Then, take them to a fancy grocery store, give them some money, and help them pick out things that are "upgraded" versions of what they are comfortable with.....perhaps some gourmet crackers, a nice baguette, some high quality butter. Maybe that would spark some interest in food? Also, get them in the kitchen cooking. They don't have to eat what they make....make sure they feel secure that they don't HAVE to eat it. But just get them involved in the process. Tell them what you enjoy eating, have them help you look up recipes, shop for ingredients, and prepare it. Watch YouTube videos of proper chef techniques. Perhaps the exposure to preparing a meal would slowly lessen the sensory overload? Also, please explain to them about nutrients, why it's important to eat a balanced diet, and how harmful a limited diet like that is on their bodies.