Exposure Therapy.

Don't know if this should be here or be in the therapy section. Mods feel free to move it. I wanted to start a thread discussing exposure therapy and what worked/works/is working for you. Or even what didn't work.

I'm in inpatient right now as I right this, and I've been told that I'm going to be starting exposure therapy tomorrow regarding my phobia of calling people on the phone. This all stems out of my frear of looking foolish, but the phone thing in particular is actually pretty bad. Even just thinking about it can (and has) triggered panic attacks.

Starting tomorrow I'm going to be calling people. I think for now it's just nurses around the hospital, and my therapist, but I'm not sure. I'm dead scared. The only thing going though my mind is this:

Oh, you have my sympathy with the calling thing; I have always had trouble with that, hated that part of new jobs. I have always worked in front offices so had to answer the phones sometimes and being new, not knowing who was calling or who I worked for and having to get the information and get the call to the right person or know who the right person was or answer to the "question" being asked on the phone.

I still remember the first call I got in my first apartment in 1973 and how I had to say "yes" to the people wanting me to buy a subscription to the newspaper because I was too afraid to say "no" and/or hang up. And it was always hard to call people too; my stepmother once gave me a really bad back-handed compliment, "Perna, you sound so sweet on the phone. . ." when she overheard me calling a store to ask about a product (like I'm not sweet in-person :-)

I do not like calling people.

Correction: I can physically call people. I just don't like feeling like I don't have any control. Over what happens from their end.

I am scared to death of being foolish or stupid or silly, or someone criticising me or getting angry at me for above or for *calling* or for catching them at a bad time. Last fall, I had that in-home therapist who prescribed me "1 phone call a day" and I did not do it. I was too scared.

I am going out every day and getting used to being around people all day. Maybe I will graduate to the phone. On the phone, I cannot see how the other person is or what they are thinking as much. No facial expressions and silences terrify me! I even get scared that they hung up! lol

I appreciate this thread. I do not like the phone. I don't even like real-time chatrooms sometimes. I talked to a face to face group of people today; I said hello and told them about my uncle coming down, and my voice shook a little. I am scared of sounding scared and looking weak, too.

My mentor is talking to me about this. He is stressing that when I call someone or talk to them, I *don't* have control over them or over what happens from their end. And often, it's about them, not me.

But it's scary.

And it's scary facing fears, because I *facing what I am afraid of*.

Billi

Perna: You might be scared, but I am seriously proud of you that you can do that. I can't beleive you took a job as a secratary! I think that would break me. lol.
I hope to get to where you're at: comfortable enough to do it, even if you are still scared.


Billi, you have explained exactly what goes through my head. Thank you. and because I know (first hand) that it's hard. Did your therapist sit with you and try and get you to call while he/she was there? If not, then wow... I wouldn't have done it eather! The only difference that I could see between what you wrote and how I feel is chat rooms. I feel okay in chat rooms. A quick appology for my spelling, and then I'm good. I'm really good at reading people through text alone, and I feel less presure on any form of text. Still much prefere face to face, but I feel I have at least some controle. And I can't hear the judgement in their voice if I say/do something wrong like I can on the phone.

Also, you're really lucky to have a mentore. I'm super happy for you that you have that resourse.

It helps so much to know that I'm not the only one though. I'm still really jittery today because I know it's going to happen later today, even though I know I'll be 'safe' through all of it.

I just wish that I could get it through to my nurses and stuff that I'm not afraid of dying: judgment and looking like an idiot is worse than death.

I don't know what I would do without Ani, my mentor. He's someone with severe PTSD who learned how to deal with it. My therapist was a "tough-lov-er" and did not sit with me, just said, "You can do it." Yikes! I could not. but my mentor did sit with me when I did have to make calls. I just kept thinking what he told me: "Billi, you cannot control how they talk to you. Just be yourself, keep your voice down, and cope with the emotions as they come. Stay calm. Realize that if something happens, it's probably not about you." and of course, "You can do it. Talk to me about it afterwards. And if push comes to shove and you really can't handle it, you can make up some excuse, "I really have to go to the bathroom." or "(meal) is burning! I gotta go. Call you back later."

My mentor has known me since I was ten. We go way back. He is also my best friend.

Billi

Hi Switch, It does suck that facing your fears is so hard! And it really is!!! I do not share the extremeness of your fear with this particular issue, but I do really have a hard time sometimes calling people. Especially, for me, businesses where I have to ask for something or make an appointment. And then feeling so nervous about it makes me feel kind of dumb... But I try to be nice to myself about it. I hope you will let us know how it went! Thanks for posting!