[LiveThroughThis]

Was having a good day yesterday. Then during evening my bf and I were talking about where to get dinner. Our friend was heading home from vacation but wasn't sure when he'd arrive in town. So we do this stupid dance where my bf goes off and plays his guitar, and I'm just kind of hanging around, waiting for him to make a decision (it's usually me). Our friend said when he got home he'd just meet us. I'm starting to get hungry, told my bf we'd go anywhere he wanted, my treat. Before I met him, I thought I was bad about making decisions. It can take him FORever to decide on some of the simplest things.

Admittedly I could've had a snack, but the only "snack stuff" we had would've filled me up too much before dinner. We finally agree on a place, and head out. Dunno if anyone else suffers this, but about a week before my period, if I wait too long to eat I get "nervous" (that's the best way to explain it; I get bloodwork done regularly for a med, and my thyroid, etc. all checks out fine)...my mom is diabetic, and I get irrationally afraid I'll pass out or go into a diabetic coma--though I'm clearly not diabetic. I think it's just the hormones, cause it doesn't happen any other time.

Anyway, we're on the way there, and I start to get nervous, foggy feeling, my hands get sweaty/clammy, and overall feeling crappy, fast. Had to get gas on the way. I tried to remind myself I'll be fine, once I get food (or just my drink, sometimes that's all it takes) in me, won't be long. But I was already keyed up, and I don't always know if my P. attack will accelerate, so when we got our drinks I took some Xanax (Rx-ed specifically for my panic attacks). I immediately began feeling better, and felt even better after dinner.

Got home and I had a little umph of energy so I spent 20 min cleaning (posted bout this in another thread, yay for me!). So I figured it'd wear me out enough to go to sleep, as I fall asleep regularly. Watched a documentary, still felt agitated. I'd already taken Xanax and thought maybe it'd take more effect.

Finally went to sleep, slept 4 hrs (I've got Sleep Apnea plus I slept a lot yesterday). But I feel heavy--chest is heavy, body's heavy. Even though I'm tired, when I put my mask on--no matter how I positioned it--I couldn't breathe through it, so I gave up. I feel stuffed up, so that's a partial culprit. But I feel so foggy...it's taking effort to type this out without typos. I can take deep breaths, but it's difficult.

I know that it's leftover anxiety---I've been through this dozens of times before. Yet, it can still--like now--scare me. I go to the, "What's wrong with me? Why is my chest like this? When will it go away?" My boyfriend's asleep, has to be at work soon, and though I could wake him up, there's nothing he can really do, and don't want him working sleep deprived.

I haven't gone to a reg. doctor in years, so I have an appointment with an internist in 2 weeks. I'm hoping he can get down to the PMS issues I have (the above, on top of debilitating fatigue/drowsiness I'll have for a week+ beforehand. My Sleep Dr says he's been hearing this from his patients a lot, and he believes there's definitely something legitimate going on.).

It's just hard when I feel like this cause I don't have the energy to clean, the concentration to read. I'd watch something funny but I have Netflix only and I've already watched the good stuff a jillion times so it just becomes background noise.

Hopefully I will get so worn out I'll fall asleep. Besides getting hungry, there was no real reason for the trigger, and no real reason to still be anxious. I do have a lot on my mind, admittedly, but it's stuff I won't have to deal with for another couple weeks. My bf was asking earlier what was wrong, and I said I'm tired of not being able to drive myself to my T and other appts, to pick up my meds---I have to find someone to do all of that, and the resources are limited (I'm looking into seeing if we have cab company). Three+ years ago I was an extremely independent woman living on my own, paying all my bills, driving myself anywhere I wanted to go, going in grocery stores with no problem, sound/lights not an issue. And yet after all of this time I STILL have trouble accepting that at the present time at least I'm no longer that person. I'm only in my 20's---it's almost unfathomable to me.

I've typed enough. Hoping I'll crash soon and wake up without this, or depression, etc.

[hamster-bamster]

I think in a situation like this you have to have a snack even if it fills you up too much to have a proper dinner. If you know you have this vulnerability at that time of the month, you also have to be prepared. I would keep vanilla yogurt, milk or better - if you can get it - kefir in the fridge and frozen berries in the freezer, and make yourself a healthful smoothie any time a situation like this arises. You will be glad you did. I can give you a recipe.