Now, that I've been unemployed for about a month, I've become even more isolated, lonely, and scared to get another job. My last job was my only social outlet. My intention was to change my life, my living circumstances. I just kept getting passed up for FT. I'm back where I started, but with no income. I really screwed myself. I feel like life is passing me by. I have barely any family, no friends, never married, never had kids. It keeps getting worse every year. My boyfriend is my only friend, and I don't even think he cares about me that much. He's getting very annoyed with me because I'm ALWAYS home now. I haven't talked to anyone in over a month except my mom and my boyfriend. I am very embarrassed that I quit again. This is my 3rd time quitting that job. I kept going back because I was comfortable with the people, and too scared to meet new people at a new job. That sounds ridiculous to explain to other people who know me, well, think they know me. They just call me lazy, or a big baby. I'm 5'4" 130lbs. doing manual labor that the men didn't even want to do, I don't know how that makes me lazy....... I read about shy people taking certain types of jobs because they have no confidence, and are too scared to try to get what they really want out of life. At this point, I don't even know what I want anymore, but I'm very lonely, and bored with life. I love animals, but disagree with a lot of human behaviors to tame them, even when they are trying to help them. For example, the ways that some people try to get dogs to behave.....it can be so rough and mean. I'm too shy to correct people, or stand up for the animals, so I avoid it altogether. I hate myself for that. I don't even know if that's what I want to do with my life. I just feel like such a loser, and a coward. Just needing to vent today.

[Miswimmy1]

You are not a loser or a coward.

[jelly-bean]

You are certainly not a coward or a loser. The fact that you come here tells me that you are trying to make something of yourself. Does your bf know how you feel about yourself? Maybe if he understood better it would make a difference. I don't know who tells you that you are lazy but he/she doesn't know much about depression or shyness either. You are not alone. You have us and we understand. Can you see a therapist or your family doctor. Get some help and the others will understand that there is a problem and maybe more understanding. Good Luck!

[Yoda]

When I was reading your post I misread it as saying, I am always a lobster.

Well truth is you are no more a loser than you are a lobster. You are in a down part of your life but this shall pass. You have happy days ahead. It will may take a bit of time to find a job you like but you will.

Thank you for your support. That's all I really needed. I wish I could get some support from those closest to me. It's funny that they don't understand shyness and depression because my mom herself was/is shy and she's certainly depressed. My boyfriend also CLAIMS he's shy, but I see how he is. He's not nearly as shy as I am. He can make friends easily, and likes to join in on basketball games and stuff like that. I would never dare to do anything like that.
Anyway, haha, maybe I am a lobster........I'm always RED, sitting in a tank waiting to be boiled alive. My defenses are always bound up tight like those rubber bands that are put around their claws.
At my old job, I sometimes forgot that I am shy because I knew the people so well. I remember when I first started though, and so dread having to go through that again.

[whatbeanbelieved]

Just a thought... would it be possible for you to break down what you mean by "shy" and having "no confidence"? Sometimes it can help to look behind the label and see what you're really experiencing. Are you anxious in social situations? Do you find it difficult, if not impossible, to speak to people you don't know? And if these two things are true, then is it because there is something specific about meeting unknown people that bothers you?

Hope things look up for you.. this sounds like a really difficult and messy situation. Sometimes just a little consideration and support is the key - but it may not come from those spaces you expect it from (family, friends). It may be that you will have to reach out for such in other spaces... Many hugs and all the best to you...

Hi, thanks for asking me that question. If I think about it, I might be able to pinpoint what my main issues are, and start from there. I can think of a recent example that might describe my shyness a little. Last week, I was waiting in a long line to return something at walmart, and this lady starts yelling and complaining because they won't give her her money back. I started getting really nervous and blushing. I guess I was scared she'd bring attention to her, and I'm in the line of view so people would be looking at me too. I guess I'm not so shy that I can't leave the house or work, so I'm kinda grateful for that. I think I somehow learned to pretend that when I'm out, I'm in my own world. Also, I've always had customer service jobs, so maybe I learned how to fake being a little social. Usually, people can see through that though, and call me out on it, or try to bully me a little. They then ask why I'm so shy/quiet, and comment on how red I get. I guess I'm always terrified of blushing. If I didn't get so beet red, I could be a little more at ease because I wouldn't worry about people finding out that I'm shy. It almost seems like they want to take advantage, or tease, sometimes bully me if they know I'm scared of them.

[plumapplepear]

I also panic around people and think that something will give away how scared I feel around them. The strange thing is that I need social contact to survive the isolation.

[whatbeanbelieved]

I want to apologise in advance for asking too many questions. My intention is not to add stress... and I really hope that this doesn't lead to such. While reading your posts though I had a bunch of questions that popped up.

What I'm understanding here is that the attention (or perhaps more specifically the negative attention) led to a state of nervousness and embarrassment -- is that mostly correct? I'm now wondering if similar nervousness and embarrassment happens when you receive or are about to receive positive attention? Is it just being seen by someone properly that bothers you, or is it being seen by a LOT of people? I'm also understanding from what you write a little later in your post that this kind of attention leaves you feeling vulnerable, helpless? As though if they know you, they will hurt you? It's almost similar to how you see people treating animals - with unkindness and cruelty, with an intention to control, and with no regard or respect.

So what I wanted to ask you (in addition to the questions above) was this: what in your life may have led you to believe that people hurt others, particularly in groups? And also, what about being seen and known is so scary?

I hope this helps a little. Additionally, I'm also wondering if it is this particular workspace that has this kind of atmosphere -- some workspaces breed animosity and vulnerability.

Hugs and take care!

[ladytiger]

i have been talking to my therapist about this and i told her how i am not really shy i am just reserved because of years of mistreatment. she is having me to work on introducing myself to people and having topics to come up when having discussions and to get the awkwardness out of the way.

[widowlost]

I'm curious if you had an overbearing parent growing up. What you say reminds me alot of myself. My mom was always making a scene in public when i was growing up and now even if I simply ask a question in public I feel like a spot light is on me.

[widowlost]

I know this sounds silly but if you do want to strike up a convo in public and break the ice try an unsusal shirt. I use to have one that read STOP LOOKING AT MY SHIRT. You wouldnt beleive the compliments i got on that shirt, it was quit the convo starte and cofidece booster as strange as it sonds.