[gkwalthew]

Starting last night I was having a bad craving. I have some serious food issues, and I've been trying to figure them out with a therapist. I get these cravings that start out as little ideas, and just grow and grow and gradually become all I can think about. In this case it was Wendy's, I could smell it, taste it, see myself eating it, but I've been feeling so terrible about myself and my weight, for hours I refuse to give in. I know they say a craving only lasts 20 minutes, but mine last hours, its all I can think about, it will not stop until I give in. But tonight I didn't want to give in. Im so tired of being fat. When I refuse, to distract myself from this screaming in my head to eat Wendy's (or whatever the craving is that day), I do things to take my mind off of food and distract myself. But the only things that will distract me, are bad behaviors, I picked my face for hours. I sit starring in the mirror and pick and destroy my face. It gives me the same feeling the Wendys would. Just satisfying, a good feeling, but also a terrible feeling, because now my face is jacked, and i know its bad. Even after trying to distract and satisfy this need inside me, I still have this thought that wont stop, its less now, not desperate for wendys but just wants to eat. eat anything and everything. So, now i've jacked my face and start eating everything, and i hate it, I get no pleasure from stuffing myself, it takes hours and only once im so full that im bursting can I stop.

I'm starting to think Im not just a fat *** and love food, I feel like its an obsession, this process happens all the time, not everyday, but often. I don't know much about OCD, but I feel like this food thing is like other problems I have, Like my face problems, hours of destroying my face, I bite my nails until they bleed...I know I have some bad anxiety but Im starting to feel like it really comes out thru this ocd. For almost a year I compulsively pulled out my hair...i rock myself to sleep every night...

When I read about OCD i read about hand washing, turning lights on and off, thats not whats happening to me, Im having obsessive, vivid, paralyzing all consuming thoughts of food, and this compulsive need to fulfill these cravings, when I try to ride it out, I always lose and give in. It's painful and I dont enjoy eating like this at all. In the past 6 years since this began, I've gone from 120 pounds to 250, this summer I got down to 230 but since college has began Im sure Im back to 250.

Is Food OCD a thing? Am I obsessed with food? I can deal with having no nails, I can almost control my face issues, I got over pulling out my hair, but I am terrified at this food issue. My rapidly gaining weight scares me and I feel like I have no control, last week I was told I have high blood pressure. Im 18 and I have high blood pressure. I feel horrified...I need some kind of solution, I cant do this.

[Miswimmy1]

OCD can manifest in many different ways... nothing about OCD is rational. I would mention this theory to t... hopefully he/she can help you out...

[hamster-bamster]

It certainly is abnormal and should be discussed with a professional as soon as possible. Good for you that you are so detailed and careful and precise in your account of what happens to you - be sure to use this skill when talking to the professional.