[internettie]

If there is something to be afraid of, I'm afraid of it. Thinking of doing almost anything makes me feel anxious. Here's the brief list of things that make me anxious/afraid:

• taking a shower (what if the shower head breaks off and water can't be stopped flooding the bathroom)
• washing clothes (what if the washer breaks down and floods the laundry room)
• drying clothes (what if the dryer catches on fire)
• eating while alone (what if I chock on the food)
• eating in general (what if I chip a tooth)
• driving (what if the car breaks down or if I get into an accident)
• being arrested (for something I did or didn't do, the claustrophobia would kill me)
• taking my medication (it might make me drive under the influence and I'll get pulled over and arrested)
• turning the faucets on (what if they don't turn off)
• the furnace (what if it quits working in the winter time)
• using the space heater (afraid to use it because it might break/blow up)

Those are just some of the things that bother me on a daily basis and cause me to have anxiety and panic attacks. I never used to worry about any of this stuff. It's only been in thee last 6 months that it's been like this. Things were kind of crazy here this past summer (we had a horrible wildland fire that took 350 homes in our city and just down the road was the Aurora theater shootings) and the things that happened made me feel out of control. The anxiety definitely got worse after all of that. I do have some moments, hours, sometimes even a day where I don't feel the anxiety and I feel normal again but unfortunately it doesn't last because there's always a car, appliance or faucet that needs to be used and could break.

I even worry about me "breaking" - getting sick. I haven't felt well for about a month now - trouble breathing, fatigue, pain - and I'm anxious about getting worse or never getting better. This anxiety sure has wormed it's way into all aspects of my life.

I made an 11am appointment on Wednesday at a mental health facility that does IP and OP treatment. I don't know if it's the answer but at least it will be a step in the right direction. I can't let this get even more out of hand than it is. In a way I've allowed this to happen because I gave in and didn't fight it. I need to stand up and fight. That starts now. Being on this site is the firs step in that fight. I'm going to reach out. I'm going to talk to people about what's going on with me. I'm not going to keep this all to myself anymore. That just makes it worse.

So anyway, that's my story. Just wondering if anyone can relate.

[layla11]

Hi and yes I can relate to alot of the anxiety you are having. Im glad your reaching out and taking steps to help you.

[AngelWolf3]

I can relate as well. I hope your appointment went well today, keep us updated?

[internettie]

My appointment got pushed to 1pm (from 11am) so two hours to go until I leave. My anxiety is cranked up today because it's the first time I've been out of the house in days. I hope driving goes okay. Thankfully this place isn't far from my house. It's a facility that does intensive OP and IP care. I may opt for IP just to decrease the anxiety of having to drive every day. Plus getting my meds changed around (which I need) is always better done IP. The only drawback is that I would have to board my dog at her doggy daycare for the whole time I'd be IP because my husband has to be in work before they open in the morning. I can't let that stop me from doing what is best though. Can't do anything until after Monday though anyway because I have steroid injections for my back scheduled that afternoon. I've been waiting for that appointment since before Christmas and can't reschedule because of the pain I'm in.

I appreciate knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way and that others can relate. Thanks for posting.

Originally Posted by internettie

My appointment got pushed to 1pm (from 11am) so two hours to go until I leave. My anxiety is cranked up today because it's the first time I've been out of the house in days. I hope driving goes okay. Thankfully this place isn't far from my house. It's a facility that does intensive OP and IP care. I may opt for IP just to decrease the anxiety of having to drive every day. Plus getting my meds changed around (which I need) is always better done IP. The only drawback is that I would have to board my dog at her doggy daycare for the whole time I'd be IP because my husband has to be in work before they open in the morning. I can't let that stop me from doing what is best though. Can't do anything until after Monday though anyway because I have steroid injections for my back scheduled that afternoon. I've been waiting for that appointment since before Christmas and can't reschedule because of the pain I'm in.

I appreciate knowing that I'm not the only one who feels this way and that others can relate. Thanks for posting.

so, how did the appointment go?

was the driving okay?

hugs