[alleex]

Hello,

Just created an account, my brief story below:

I'm almost 23 now, and me being such a lucky buy, i was "fortunate" enough to be born with general anxiety. Of course, I didn't knew what it was neither did anyone else, everyone just assumed that i'm shy and socially awkward and that's just how i am, nobody said that there might be something wrong.

Anyway, general and high-school were very funny for me as I always had this feeling of being in a cage and not being able to act properly regardless of the situation because I would get overwhelmed by reasonless emotions. I couldn't look in someone's eyes when I talked with them, I couldn't even have a normal phone conversation because anxiety is irrational and started messing with me for no reason.

As a strong spirit that I am, I always fought with this, knowing that I can overcome it, so I broke physical barriers (not knowing what they were, but for the record, this was f*&%ing hard), went through a depression as well between the age of 18 and 21 and finally ended up as a normal, socially opened guy... at least that's how other people see it.

I had and still have all sorts of physical issues from ADHD to OCD, bipolarity (rarely) ,hypoactive libido, etc. and I couldn't get a full image of what's happening until recently.

My main concern in the last years was for me to get better and deal with any issue that I have until there are no issues left. The problem is that I can not get rid of any of them and if I do, they keep coming back, and I ended up knowing why this is happening.

It seems that there is actually only one issue that I have to deal with, and that is anxiety - a severe one. Despite my best efforts to deal with any situation, my emotions manifest easily by increasing my heart rate, trying to sabotage my body language,etc. - the usual behavior. This happens on a daily basis but nobody can see it, and this is a very bad thing for me actually.

During all this time while I tried to fight with anxiety, I got very very good at inhibiting my emotions and controlling myself. I am a very good actor, and even a liar, I can lie everyone about anything. This helps a lot from a social point of view, but inside the stress hormones are still there, still taking a toll on my body. And not only that, by inhibiting my behavior I ended up inhibiting everything.

I can not enjoy a good meal, I can not enjoy a nice date,I can not enjoy the fresh air in the morning, and I'm close to an emotional stone, I can not even enjoy an hour of rest.

My brain was trained so well that it's always alert, it's a reflex that I can not even control anymore, always thinking and always trying to act properly, forcing me to fake ... life.

I got a great job, lots of friends, a healthy relationship but I'm not happy and I will never be if I keep on going like this. I'd rather be alone and anxious but happy instead of this. It's like a mockery, I have anything I need but I can not enjoy it.

As a conclusion, I need to handle with 2 issues:
1. Find out how to lose control of all this and start enjoying stuff
2. Get rid of this anxiety

My objectives are very hard to achieve but I'll try, and this post appeared because life taught me that doing things alone is not always the best way, and asking for help is beneficial.

Any advices on this ?

[Kate King]

I don't have any wise words, a cure-all answer, because I am walking a very similar path. You are not alone. And I agree, asking for help is beneficial. I believe no matter how "stuck" we feel, we are always growing, changing, developing. If you have any good advice, please pass it on- we can fight the fight together!

[kim24]

It sounds like you'd benefit from talking to a therapist about these feelings.
Everyone deserves to be happy. It definitely can take work, but I think it's something we're all working towards.

[optimize990h]

Hi alleex!

You can write posts like you have today and wait for responses.

You can look in the anxiety forum for the resources thread and look through the information there and find what the links to articles suggest.

You can look at the social group related to anxiety(there about 11 pages of social groups)and private message members of that social group for advice.

If you think a therapist would be helpful, then you could make an appointment with one.

The greatest resource is the PC members, so don' t be afraid to ask questions especially those who are working on or have worked their anxiety and enjoy life.