Anxiety Leads to Severe Procrastination Leads to Failure

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I have a long history of procrastination and need some extra help so I figured I'd post here and see what came of it.

I am generally a well adjusted person, my procrastination only really manifests itself in certain situations. Mostly school and when I have many assignments/ projects I have to get done.

I'm 23 and have been an undergrad for too long. I failed out of my first university because towards the end of my career there my anxiety caused me to avoid all work and assignments. The worst part is that I am an intelligent person and know that I had the ability to do all the work, I just was always really intensely afraid of starting a project. Anxiety and perfectionism were mostly the causes. I started at an online college so I could at least finish my degree, but my problems are manifesting themselves again.

I have been seeing a professional for this about once a week for the past eight months and it has helped a lot, but this past week I really was hit hard with anxiety and risk failing two classes again. I am really tired of my problem, but I often don't realize how bad it is until it is too late.

My psychologist and I agree that my problem is mostly do to severe anxiety when confronted with an assignment. Anxiety having to do with fearing failure, perfectionism and how others perceive my attempts at working on things. I often feel that is more comforting to not give an effort and know I will fail, than to give an effort and not be sure of the outcome.

I'm not sure what else to do right now. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. I am looking for a place where I can get some more help, or just have more immediate contact with others who may have overcome this issue.

Thanks

Hi ~ I can understand completely. I've suffered with depression and anxiety since I was a small child. And since I'm now 63yrs old, that's been a LONG time.

I wasn't able to go to college unfortuntely. But I've had good jobs where I've had projects to do that were on a time schedule, and that caused me a lot of anxiety. Even the fact that bills have due dates cause me anxiety! I HATE having deadlines. That really"gets" to me.

Like you, I'm afraid of failure, or of being late. But also being a perfectionist, I CAN'T do NOTHING. I have to finish the project and/or pay the bills and try to get everything done on time, regardless if I get kudos for the project or not!!

If you're REALLY a perfectionist, you're going to do your darnedest to pass the course, and get it in on time, or get your project done on time -- even if it means staying up all night. I know you're also a procrastinator, but that probably means you put it off until the night before too!

You CAN'T do just nothing. That's not how a perfectionist is. Your feeliings of failure won't LET you do just nothing. Yes, it puts pressure on you but in time you may learn how to budget your time better. Hopefully your therapist will help you with that.

I no longer wait until the last minute (well, with bills I sometimes do and I regret it later) but I try to budget my time better because I HATE anxiety and pressure. I hope your therapist helps you. Please keep us posted as to how you do. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

I had the same anxiety, did not succeed in school until my 40's.

The biggest thing that helped me was to get myself to quit "looking ahead" when I was working on a course. I got my second college degree online and at the beginning of a semester, one is often excited but also feeling anxious because "How am I going to learn all THAT" -- we look through our textbooks and other materials/papers due, etc. and, of course, we haven't even begun learning the stuff so you might as well decide "Hey, I'm going to be an astrophysicist next week!"

Break everything down AND study in ways that are comfortable for you, not how what the "experts" say you should. Keep your eyes on just what you are working on right now. Don't worry about the grade you'll get on the paper you are beginning to write, don't worry about what questions are going to be asked on the test tomorrow, pay attention to the material you are looking at and studying right now.

It took me 19 years of schooling before I realized I cannot read textbooks during a course because they make me too anxious and don't do anything for me as far as helping learn the material. I love to read (use to read 5+ books a week) but I learn better through writing. Instead of reading the text book, I research and write questions and answers, theories, etc. on the course online site; for my online courses, the professor would post questions and other things for the week that we were supposed to comment on. I'd go to town, like here :-) and comment and comment on other peoples comments and wander the web researching the subject (I'm an excellent researcher and particularly like to research). Eventually, I learned, from good sites on the Web, more about things than the textbook could have taught me because the textbook wasn't interactive!

While I'm web surfing on subjects for my course, I'm also learning what interests/attracts me most about that subject and that helps me with writing papers. I get ideas and I discuss the subject and try to explain it to my husband and anyone else who will listen and that interaction too, gets me a thesis I truly want to explore, never mind that I am going to be graded on it :-)

Getting excited about what you are studying, or at least interested, is the key, for me, to being able to do the work. I remind myself of what I'm interested in and start writing a little and I can't help myself, because of my interest and love of writing, I keep going and the paper gets written. If I have trouble with a paper, I work at making it harder/more challenging for myself :-) and that helps. I use to buy my professor's PhD thesis and quote from it for my paper, and then argue with what they say, that it's "wrong"/incorrect They loved the audacity and I learn how to see things in a multitude of ways and how to defend my thoughts.

In other words, make it a game you play. Invent a "school" game and structure your work accordingly. I once had a boring paper to write but you could "correct" it after it was returned and turn it in again for more points. I rewrote that thing 4 different times I think and the last one I wrote entirely in verse! Took me an entire weekend to compost that multi-page epic poem but I got the 5 extra points for creativity :-)

The general advice in conquering projects while having any type of mental health concern is to divide the project in small, self-contained, doable pieces.

I'm a big procrastinator, but even when I get to doing something, I rarely finish it. I've had lots of ideas for making money, pursuing my dreams, and just having fun, but very few did I ever go through with completely. Just saying, I relate.

"often feel that is more comforting to not give an effort and know I will fail, than to give an effort and not be sure of the outcome"

As a lifelong anxiety-prone procrastinating depressive (sigh), I fully relate, especially to the above quote. Used to be a perfectionist but gradually turned that around, though it creeps into some things that I do. It can be useful to have high standards but obviously not if you are frozen in fear that you won't do well enough. How many times I anguished with school stuff only to let it go too long and be unable to do it at all, insuring failure and probably perpetuating a lousy opinion of myself -- self-fulfilling negative BS.

I'd tell my therapist I want to change this trait and put it behind me. After many months it would seem you could expect a breakthrough, though often a T will wait & see if the patient comes to their own conclusion... not wanting to "force" to the surface what might be a very painful memory or trauma or whatever. So if you think there might be an underlying issue (in my case, trying so hard to avoid causing trouble for my parents like some of my sibs caused)... more to the point, not getting some basic reassurances when very young, IE, "you're okay, you're accepted, we love you for who you ARE, not what you DO or how well you do it". Ring any bells? Maybe some food for thought, discuss with your therapist. Best of luck!

Holy crap. This is me to the T. It's unreal reading this.

Hey BadProcrastinator, hi SmileBit199.

I am in my mid-20s and have gone back to college, and I have experienced something very close to this, where I put something off to a specific time, and my anxiety builds and builds until that time, so much so that I'm not able to get started and set a new time as a reprieve. Almost always I'm able to get down to work in time to get everything finished by the deadline, but my problem can really get out of hand when on top of that I have to communicate with a teacher or classmate, ask a favour, admit to a mistake, etc. Then it sometimes feels like a full-blown phobia.

Less than a handful of times I have missed a deadline because of this, and then it got even worse because I got even more anxious about submitting the work in late. I've found myself frozen, unable to pick up the phone, send the letter, text, send in the assignment, etc. In fact, it spread until I couldn't sue the phone, email, mail, etc., at all because I was afraid of what I might see from my teacher or classmate or whoever. It's not that I feel I need to be perfect, it's just like I feel I will be judged or get an unhelpful response. I feel very worried and sensitive about what the response will be, and that I've failed.

This is weird as I am fairly bright and pretty well adjusted, but when life stress, procrastination anxiety, and social anxiety stack, I sometimes have felt helpless and gotten into trouble. What has worked for me in the short term has been to make a detailed plan and just follow it. But that hasn't always worked when I haven't been able to make set plans because of having to rely on a classmate, get feedback from a teacher, wait until some condition is met before I can start, etc.

Has anyone experienced any of these aspects to this problem? What has worked for you in coping?

Em

I was searching the internet for info regarding work deadlines and anxieties and found your post. I was in college for 6 years before finally dropping out. I just couldn't start or finish the assignments. I would have the hardest time bringing myself to start on the assignments and when I did start on it, I would get these awful chest pains,headaches, giddiness, feelings of doom that made it really hard to think. I just gave up on the assignments then. I was a pretty good student before college and do think I could have scored okay on the assignments if only I completed them. I didn't know what problem I had then but I find myself relating to your situation and think that I might have anxiety too. I would really like to get it under control because its affecting my work now too. I hope to return to school one day too. Thank you for your post for letting me know my problems are not unique to me.

My own anxiety is leading me to procrastinate returning to work. I worked on this a great deal with my therapist to the point that I am now volunteering as a way of the final transition into the workplace. My therapy is CBT. I do a lot of worksheets as part of my coping strategy. Their are plenty of tools and worksheets to choose from on the web.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Worksheets | Psychology Tools

The sheets that work best for me are those pertaining to catastrophizing and cognitive thinking. Helpful too is I make lists of Evidence for Vs Evidence against

Your anxiety sounds an awful lot like performance anxiety.

I have really bad anxiety starting projects at work too, because I want them to be perfect. I'm afraid to write the first words because I'm afraid they will be wrong. Finally I learned that I just have to start some where and even if I start somewhere terrible, I can clean it up along the way and get the project to a good place.

I also had to come to terms with the fact that everything can't be perfect. I have to pick my battles and be careful where I choose to put my time and energy.

Definitely, as hamster suggested, breaking things down into small parts and making lists of the small tasks to lead up to the full project, helps me get things done and stop procrastinating so much.

Good luck with school!
Seesaw

You just described my life in the last 6 years. I'm also an anxious person who procrastinate and while I managed to overcome my school and work duties (now) I procrastinate with my health and my use of my contact lense.

Okay, what did I do to finish my college even when by my procrastination caused me to take 3 years more?

Honestly, I used inverse anxiety. Oh, it was horrible but I would imagine all the pain and horror I would feel if I failed, If I procrastinated and that doing my assignment would banish this feeling away. That I would overcome this sensation by passing through this lower torture.

It worked but it was hard and I don't think I did it consciously. But my point my point

Anxiety is only a feeling. Oh, I know how silly this sounds, belief me. Anxiety feel like you are dying, that the world is breaking apart and you can't escape you own skin and please make it stop.

But nothing will happen if you pass through it. That is what I learned and what I use today. I accepted this feeling (I go to therapy and take medicine btw) of doom and fear and let it roll with me while I do the work. I don't think there is any therapy were there would be the not pain, sorry.

But nothing horrible is going to pass. Your life will not be destroyed by facing them or your heart will stop or you will make a mockery of yourself.

Try lower. Always try lower first. Just do one assignment and then another step by step. It's going to be hard. It's going to be the hardest thing you had ever done but you can do it. Just one at the time. And then another.

Have people to support you. I had my mother. Somebody whom you can talk for each great goal you accomplished and it was a tremendous goal, never forget that. Somebody to vent and just free this sensation after every assignment.

And I would love to say that everything will be alright from then on, but that's a fantasy that will destroy you because eventually something will go wrong and if you go with this mentality either you will blame yourself or feel pure impotence.

Whatever it happens, you can overcome it. You can survive it. Maybe not how you imagined it, but you can do it.

In my case (and I hope it's different with you) I got block after block after block and every time felt like the world was ending. Missing paperwork, antagonist teachers, terrible teamwork and so on.

But I survived it and the best part: you don't remember the pain. I honestly can remember the sensation and the sheer panic and tears I felt with each part. I remember that they happened but the thing about this situations is that their particular print of emotions they left is vague because our fears are vague and after the event they leave like ghosts.

Sorry fo the rambling and I don't know if your situation is the same as mine (for what I understand, you college tuition are beyond brutal while I studied in a public university and I managed to get out of college without a debt thank god and my mother) but in general: just try to do them. Face the pain, let if pass and it will be over soon.

You will not remember them and in the end, you will be so glad that you faced them. You will win so much by your effort.

Hope it was somewhat helpful

See ya.

Hi Procrastinator, welcome!

Weird reading your post. I could have easily written your post, except I dropped out of college instead of sticking with it like you. You're definitely not alone!