[xstatica]

Okay, so I am currently a high school student entering my final year, 17 years old. and for the last couple months, I have been getting anxiety, my arms and legs would feel numb, I would overreact to everything, I start to sweat and worry.So 1-2 months ago I was watching a video of a man from a drug cartel killing a woman. I felt very disgusted and disturbed. I started questioning myself if I would do something like this. Then I came across anti-social disorder aka sociopathy, and as I read the characteristics of one and noticed I meet a lot of them. For Example: I am a very charming person, except for when I am in large groups, I tend to be quiet and nervous. I can't remember the last time I felt remorseful. I do feel bad for people, but rarely, mostly for my family. I talk very poetically,I am also quite intellectual, I absolutely love things like philosophy and searching for the answer to questions. I have been told many times that I am intelligent. As a kid I would lie from time to time, but I don't do that recently. I have had crushes on girls but never had a relationship with one, I blame my awkwardness for this. Sometimes I feel like I pretend to have emotions just so I can stay away social stigmatization. But from some strange reason, the idea that I might be a sociopath destroys me internally. I've always seeked to be a good person. Sometimes I get really intrusive thoughts that annoy me. Sometimes I get rid of the anxiety, but it ends up coming back, as if I where in a mental loop. I currently have no access to a therapist (reasons that don't really matter). I rarely feel guilt for what I do but when I do its bad. It's almost as if I can't tell whether or not I am confusing social anxiety with anti-social disorder, or I am a sociopath and I am anxious because I fear from social-stigmatization (but I do not think a sociopath would fear being a sociopath which is what I am doing). I love being around people as long as the attention is not on me. I am also pretty attractive (as told many times but I do not agree) and I never really had close friends and I rarely go out and socially interact (mostly because I am lazy.) Am I or am I not? if more information is needed to determine this feel free to ask. All I need is a basic explanation as to why I am not a sociopath and I think I would relax.

[priva]

I'm not an expert on anti-social personality disorder, but I think that you are worried about the social stigma may be proof enough that you do not have the disorder. (Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.)

There are many reasons (other than sociopathy) that can cause a person to feel blunted remorse. It sounds to me that your intrusive thoughts may be a symptom of OCD; have you considered being screened for that?

That you say your 'awkwardness' is the reason you have not had many relationships with girls you like points more to anxiety than sociopathy, I believe. Again, I don't know much about the disorder, but I think the "failed relationship" criteria is based upon erratic and/or self-centered behavior rather than self-doubting behavior (again, someone please correct me if I'm wrong).

The criteria for sociopathy can be easily confused with other disorders, but it sounds to me like you have anxiety rather than that. If you have any questions please ask. Hope you get your anxiety straightened out.

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

you're feelings on what you saw automatically take you out of the running for sociopath don't worry. the minute you can do what you saw without any remorse and even enjoyment is when you should worry. if you were you would spend most or all of you're time manipulating and lying just for the fun of it. they are also very social. the qualities you found similar in yourself to a sociopath are found in so many things and can also be unrelated to a disorder and just you're personality. I have researched this extensively and am married to a true sociopath so I do now what i'm talking about. you have nothing to worry about.

[xstatica]

Thank you guys for the response, It almost seems like I was just simply looking for the answer to a question that I already knew. It was just anxiety taking its toll on that what-if scene.

[wotchermuggle]

You cannot diagnose yourself. Everyone can find themselves somewhere in most any disorder.