[MaryJayne47]

This is my first actual post about myself (other than my introduction) so i apologize if this is all over the place :P

So, this is something I've been dealing with my whole life, since childhood. Lying out of fear/anxiety. I've always had this fear of getting in trouble, breaking the rules and not being able to get away with it without feeling like crap. I don't think I was ever taught how to own up to my mistakes and actually feel and deal with the guilt. I've always been afraid of it. At an early age I learned that if you just lie about it, you get away with it most times. It seems so silly now that I'm an adult, but I still do it. I was never abused as a child by an authoritative figure. I never had anyone scary in my life that would do bad things to me if I screwed up. Ive always cared about what people think of me so much I couldnt bare to let someone know I screwed up or made a mistake. They're not always little lies. I told my sister some confidential information about my boyfriend that he didn't want anyone knowing, and I told him after he dragged it out of me that I told her. That didn't go over well, and that was near the beginning of our relationship. Now, 3 years in, he's noticing how much it happens. He can just tell sometimes.

Its really tough to stop. Its so much of a habit now, that I do it without thinking about it. Someone asks me if I've completed something I automatically say yes, even though I haven't. By then I'm too anxious to admit I didn't. I've been really aware of it these past few months and I've started to notice other things. Embellishing stories, and sometimes making up stories all together! The making up stories doesn't happen very often, but the fact that i do it at all is enough to worry me. Its like i think my life, or just myself in general, isn't interesting enough so I just make things up.

Here's the catch... when i was younger something did happen to me and I was blamed for it. A person, a few years older than me was touching me very inappropriately and that person's mother thought their child could do no wrong and basically said I must have made them do it. In turn, no one in my neighbourhood was allowed to be around me for a long time, and just like that, all my neighbourhood friends were out of my life. The inappropriate touching was traumatizing enough! So I also have this obsession about people not believing me. So...I lie a lot, but am afraid no one believes me... sometimes i wonder if i embellish so my stories sound more "believable"? If that makes ANY sense...

Does anyone else do this same thing? What are things that you have done to help stop this? My boyfriend thinks when I lie I should just stop, correct myself, and admit that I lied, just to see that I'm going to be ok. That there's nothing to worry about, and that it shows that I'm trying to get better by owning up to my mistakes. But i really don't think I'm there yet. Just thinking about having to do that makes me really anxious and teary eyed. I mean it seems like good advice, kind of like exposure treatment... I just don't know how much faith I have in myself that i can complete such a task.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this as it seems to be one of the main things I'm dealing with right now. Thanks in advance everyone, it means alot.

[Phobicperson]

Maybe start small, like think of the truth that scares you the least, and tell it to your boyfriend until you don't feel anxious about it anymore.. Then slowly advance. Hope it helps <3<3

[MaryJayne47]

Thats a good idea I feel so overwhelmed with this that its hard to think of any kind of method. Sometimes it seems like the outcome of any lie, no matter how big or how small, will have the same outcome, and the same degree of anxiousness. But logically I know that small things don't matter as much, and should in turn have a less emotional reaction. Baby steps right? Thank you

[Phobicperson]

No problem