[ghost at the gate]

over all the years i've just accepted my agoraphobia..
although i'm pretty functional, i can go where i need or want to go,
although i prefer not to go places alone..
& long drives away from home always cause me anxiety still,
but i try to get all the enjoyment i can out of my avoidant life..
anyone else feel kinda resigned to their fate this way?

[InfiniteSadness]

Its terrible... honestly. Screws up one's life.

[AV747]

I understand that suffer from agoraphobia. I take it. It lasts for many years, and I can control my emotions. With these possible to live happily, you don't measles yourself!

[spondiferous]

I honestly struggle with it. I am basically independent. I get to all my appointments, I can go out in nature, I do a lot of stuff by myself. But the long car rides, needing to be able to book it if I'm in public (be nearest the exit, etc), and needing to just stay at home for extended periods of time at times....knowing that there is so much in life that I cannot safely do as I don't know what will happen to me (ie overseas travelling, and then I also worry about college, work, etc, as I've had to give up most of this stuff because of my condition)...I have made a promise with my partner that I am going to try the whole work/school thing again at some point and if it doesn't work out and that's it, then I will know I have tried and try to be satisfied with that. But honestly I don't know if I'll be able to. I'm incredibly hard on myself. On the one hand I've accepted that this is the way it is and allowed myself whatever I need to cope with whatever's happening. Most of the time these days I'm fine, and I don't need any external support. But then I hit skids and I'm all over the place, and need a safe little place to hide (my apartment) and minimal interference from my partner. I'm kind of there now, though I suspect it's more my depression than anything.
I have begun to realize that this time around (this is my second bout of agoraphobia, the last was 17 years ago) it might just be here for good, especially since I'm sober now (7 years), don't smoke, drink, do drugs or SH anymore (knock on wood) and I want to keep it that way. So I hide when I have to. If that's what it takes. I can't say I'm really okay with it or anything. There's so much I want to do in life and I feel bitter because it's been taken from me. But basically, yeah, I'm aware that it's possible that this could be it for me. I just ****ing hate it when people tell me it's a defeatist attitude.
I tell ya what, peeps: you go out there, get yourself some agoraphobia, live with it for four years, and then tell me what kind of attitude you have.