[purple_metallic]

I think I'm suffering from something I can only describe as illusional thoughts not delusional but illusional. I can't seem to find anything on the internet similar to what I've been experiencing for the past 2 years. What I experience is situations like this for example, I'm with a friend and we have a conversation about our childhood. I remember the conversation clearly then maybe like 3 months after we have this conversation I get ideas that I said this or that or did this while I was talking to my friend but I know I didn't do it but it is like I get a feeling that says I did and I worry myself to death because this idea is embarrassing and it feels like I actually did it but I know it probably didn't happen. It is like my brain is telling me the truth then giving me false beliefs at the same time. Like the chemicals in my brain are backwards. It is hard to explain. I sometimes go so far to call and ask this person if I actually did this or not so I can stop worrying about it. I have to write down the whole situation after it happens so when I think about it later and my brain is telling me I did this I can look back and know for a fact I didn't do it. I know exactly how my brain works in certain situations. I did experience a traumatic and embarrassing event and my mind keeps saying I did this and I have thoughts of myself saying it and it feels so real but I know I didn't and I don't know how I picture myself saying something I didn't say that's so real. It is crazy and overwelming. I can't trust myself when I do things it is hard to believe and trust myself. I've been told that it is a symptom of anxiety but I've had anxiety for five years and I've been experiencing these illusional thoughts for about two years. Am I the only one experiencing this? What is it that I'm experiencing? Is it just anxiety? Am I OCD? I know a lot of people with OCD have thoughts right then and mine come months and even years after it happen.

[healingme4me]

Have you mentioned this, to your doctor? Even your primary care doctor? A neurologist, even??

Is something going on with your memory recall??

[spondiferous]

I don't think it's OCD necessarily. What stands out to me is that you had an embarrassing and traumatic event and that you've been hyper-vigilant ever since. That's really a common thing with anxiety, anxiety disorders, and PTSD. Have you explored any of these options with a doc?