[moralfe]

My anxiety has been pretty good. Today started off really good. I was happy because I have been on some medication since May that the cardiologist gave me because of the panic attacks I was getting. It is not a medication I need he just did not want my heart rate to go sky high if I got a panic attack. Not medically necessary. Anyway I went to see the doctor and I was so giddy and happy because the mess make me feel dizzy and slow. Just doesn't let me feel normal. I think it is actually holding me back. So while I was there I could not stop talking and feeling happy that he said he was concerned about by blood pressure being a bit high. Well that was really weird for me to hear because I have been going to doctors since March of this year when I got my first panic attack and my pressure has been good. Now he is weaning me off the medicine and want to see me in 2 weeks because he thinks maybe the pressure reading was a fluke. Well being the type of person I am, I began to over think it and got myself all worked up. My anxiety is a bit high. I know it is me doing this to myself but I feel like I am having a war in my mind and I feel like running away but I know running won't help. I feel desperate. I know physical health wise I am healthy. I am happy to say that because it took me 6 months to realize that I have no physical health issues. I had a fixation with my health. I sometime start to think of my heart and wonder if it is healthy. Sometimes thoughts of heart attack and death come to mind and I get scared. But most of the time I feel pretty good. Usually my anxiety if I have any that is strong enough it gets worse during the evening hours. I keep my mind occupied with games and convsrsations, reading books and the Bible and play with the kids. That helps but when I can't focus on anything it is hard to keep my mind off of things. It like I get obsessed with the one thiught. I think I am stong but sometimes I feel like I have been in a big fight and need some rest. Can anyone relate and give some advise? I have been doing CBT and I have been using the techniques that I have learned and they help but with my mind racing it is hard to do the exercises. Thank you for reading.

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