[wyarwehere.lds1987]

So I'm not sure how to explain this to the people that matter, I was hoping some of you might have ideas.

About two months ago I had supper at the home of a family in which the husband is one of the higher ups in my local church. We talked, and I made the offhand comment that the reason I refuse to do a church mission is because I hate public speaking. Hate is a nice term for it. I avoid it at all costs, I get physically sick if I have to do it.
Later on I was recounting the conversation to a friend who knows both of us, and she said that with that comment, there was an increased likelihood that the man would call on me in our church meetings to get up and share, or to pray. Since then I've refused to go to church. Several of the members have asked why, and I just say I have reasons. How can I explain to them, or to the clergy members, about this. Most of them don't have any idea of my past MH history. The one time I had to get up in front of my church(different one, only about 60 people), I was sick before and after, and even now, four years later, I criticize myself for things I did in that talk. My church now is over 200, I think I would rather walk out in front of everyone than get up there. And I'm the type who wants as little attention as possible. Even after a year there, I only know a handful of the people. Any one have any ideas? thanks in advance.

[FrayedEnds]

I've been in situations where a well-meaning person thinks they can 'fix' my anxieties by forcing me to confront my fears. it's even worse if it's done in a public manner. so I know exactly what you're dealing with. it almost never works and, as you know, usually makes it even worse. I try to be understanding and try to tell myself they are just trying to help and don't have any idea what a struggle it really is. But I still end up feeling resentment sometimes because they've minimized my problem.

If you're not happy with avoiding that church forever, I feel like there are two main options. You can go and see if you're proven right in your worries (he'll either turn the spotlight on you or leave you alone) and deal with it however you manage. The other option is you can try to discuss it with him beforehand. Since you've been to his house for dinner, I'm assuming you know him well enough to bring this up to him. Try to explain what you're worried about and let him know that this worry has caused you to avoid the whole situation. Hopefully he'll see how much pressure you are feeling and accept it and respect your wishes. Then it's up to you whether you will trust that he won't or not.

[FrayedEnds]

I just saw that your location is Pennsyltucky! mine too

[Little Lulu]

Public speaking in not my thing either ... and I am not good at it.

It would seem cruel if that clergy person called on you to speak after you have made it clear that you are not comfortable doing it. However, if you are called on to speak, perhaps be honest and say 'No, thank you, I will leave that to someone who is better at it than me'. And stick to it.

Hugs. I imagine you are feeling anxious about going back to church altogether. I know I would be.

[wyarwehere.lds1987]

The thing is, even if I talk to him(he's our SP, so he's over the seven churches in our district.) there is still the local clergy to talk to. And the one himself is terribly shy, I know he isn't thrilled getting up there each week, how can I say it when I know he doesn't like it either?

And Lulu, the way they do it is: the congregation will sing hymn number whatever, and the closing prayer will be offered by so and so. You don't really get the chance to say no. I know I should talk to him, I just don't know how, and I guess in a way I'm scared they'll say I'm making a bigger deal of it than I should, My therapist thinks I should just go and get it over with. Easy for her to say tho....

[xshadowx]

people that understand and relate don't ask why or force things upon you - not if they are good people - keep asking yourself if you want to get better. If yes, then work in small ways to do things you are afraid to do. Work up to it - that is if you want to not be afraid anymore. If you think that is impossible it isn't. Although right now I am afraid to go outside to get my mail and to take a shower. I know it is irrational to fear them, because Ive done it many times in my life without bad things happening to me. Periodically my brain just wont let me do things like that but I eventually am able to work it back in to a normal routine; I feel so much better when the fear goes away but it wont go away if I dont do anything to make it go. It gets worse and worse. Getting off track is part of having an anxiety disorder. We have to perform an action - take action to climb back out of the hole we fall into from time to time. It wont go away on its own. It will only get bigger and deeper the longer we stay inactive against it. My active steps to get out of my current hole is joining this site and talking to one person (you, hello). Not sure what to do next, but hope I helped a small bit.