[propliopithecus]

Shy, I have been for a very long time and in the meantime a lot of my behavior and thought has changed. One constant factor is my concern with people observing me.
A few days ago at the sports club, I had again such a stereotypical shy experience. I was there with eight others who already know how I play.
At a certain moment behind my back the next users of the sports hall began to occupy the sidelines. I became very concerned with how they evaluated my play, becoming ashamed of my mistakes, thinking that I made more mistakes because of that etc. Later when I faced their direction, I saw that absolutely nobody was even looking in our direction.

[Perna]

I memorize such moments (looking and seeing no one was looking :-) and use them later when I get similar ideas. I also remind myself they don't know me at all so why would they have any thoughts about me at all or why would I care since I won't be seeing them again, etc. It's like worrying people in line at the super market are judging what I buy/eat

I have found that a lot of my fears of being watched and/or criticized is because that is what I do to others However, since I do it in my head and no one else can possibly know and I know I am not strange/unusual/bad, etc. and that I have problems with being too critical of others -- that's all in my control and is not about others. If others have their own problems with being critical, etc. that's their problem, not mine. I don't know them, don't "care" what they think since I cannot do anything with it?

[Silent Void]

I do this too. I sometimes wonder if it's narcissistic. I don't know.

Try not to worry about what other people think of you. "I'm nobody special. Why would anyone want to look at me?" That worked for me.

[propliopithecus]

Originally Posted by Perna

[...]why would I care since I won't be seeing them again, etc. [...]

There is a lot of talk going on in my neighbourhood. Sometimes children I had never seen before asked me questions about what they had heard about me or about a remark I had made towards someone else. They share schools with each other in the neighbourhood.
Sometimes I see them again.

Originally Posted by Perna

[...]It's like worrying people in line at the super market are judging what I buy/eat [...]

Sometimes I do indeed worry about that. After I was helped by a very nice checkout girl I wondered if I wouldn’t have made a bad impression by my sober food choice. But strange enough I am not hindered very much by it when selecting the food. I end up with the food I wanted to buy. Once my mother went with me in the supermarket and was ashamed about the quantities I wanted to buy.

Originally Posted by Perna

[...]I don't know them, don't "care" what they think since I cannot do anything with it?

I am in need of new contacts, maybe I can get into contact with someone who observes me or they could say sometime to people I come into contact with.
I don’t even talk about the possibility that people conclude that I committed a criminal act, for example interpreted my running in ordinary clothes that way.
In the above case it was unlikely and I was not thinking about that possibility, even though I have more then once hurt a fellow player out of clumsiness.
I was only thinking about behaving stupid because I thought I was observed.
Maybe I should be more rational in my concern about what people think of me.

[propliopithecus]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

I do this too. I sometimes wonder if it's narcissistic.[...]

DSM-V (p 767-768):

Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Typical features of narcissistic personality disorder are variable and vulnerable self-esteem,
with attempts at regulation through attention and approval seeking, and either overt or
covert grandiosity. Characteristic difficulties are apparent in identity, self-direction, empathy,
and/or intimacy, as described below, along with specific maladaptive traits in the
domain of Antagonism.
Proposed Diagnostic Criteria
A. Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by characteristic
difficulties in two or more of the following four areas:
1. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation;
exaggerated self-appraisal inflated or deflated, or vacillating between extremes;
emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
2. Self-direction: Goal setting based on gaining approval from others; personal standards
unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based
on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.
3. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of
others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant
to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.
4. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation;
mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others’ experiences and predominance
of a need for personal gain.
B. Both of the following pathological personality traits:
1. Grandiosity (an aspect of Antagonism); Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert;
self-centeredness; firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others;
condescension toward others.
2. Attention seeldng (an aspect of Antagonism): Excessive attempts to attract and
be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.
Specifiers. Trait and personality functioning specifiers may be used to record additional
personality features that may be present in narcissistic personality disorder but are not required
for the diagnosis. For example, other traits of Antagonism (e.g., manipulativeness, deceitfulness,
callousness) are not diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (see
Criterion B) but can be specified when more pervasive antagonistic feahires (e.g., "malignant
narcissism") are present. Other traits of Negative Affectivity (e.g., depressivity, anxiousness)
can be specified to record more "vulnerable" presentations. Furtiiermore, although moderate
or greater impairment in personality functioning is required for the diagnosis of narcissistic
personality disorder (Criterion A), the level of personality functioning can also be specified.

For me Narcissistic Personality Disorder is Freudian nonsense and that can’t be reliably diagnosed, but I see some overlap.
This concern with the opinion of others is found in the A criteria. To be narcissistic you should also have grandiosity and attention seeking. Do shy people in some way feel grandiose and seek attention? I have nowadays the delusion that it is impossible for me to stay unnoticed. At school I sometimes thought that I was so quiet that I wasn’t even registered as absent when I stayed away.

[maruf]

Originally Posted by propliopithecus

Shy, I have been for a very long time and in the meantime a lot of my behavior and thought has changed. One constant factor is my concern with people observing me.
A few days ago at the sports club, I had again such a stereotypical shy experience. I was there with eight others who already know how I play.
At a certain moment behind my back the next users of the sports hall began to occupy the sidelines. I became very concerned with how they evaluated my play, becoming ashamed of my mistakes, thinking that I made more mistakes because of that etc. Later when I faced their direction, I saw that absolutely nobody was even looking in our direction.

I've been going through the same issue. I've not found any effective solution yet, so now-a-days I'm trying to just IGNORE the feeling. I say to myself: "look at others, they're being themselves, and you're just being stupid to yourself". It doesnot work 100% but sometimes I overcome this feeling.