[bailey2014]

My father attempted suicide and is married to a horrific undiagnosed manic depressive.
I'm trying so hard to just keep it together with his health, but just when things calm down, she (I can't bear to even admit she's my mother) seems to lash out at someone new because she cannot reach me (I have her blocked). Last night she wanted to speak to me later in the evening and my husband took quite a lashing from her on the phone, with accusations, name calling, ect. He blocked her number afterwards. The night before she left him a message saying she loved him. My entire life she has been erratic, mean, abusive.

Her erratic behaviour has left me both physically and emotionally exhausted. I have a terrific support system, a wonderful husband - his family, even my own brother that seems to have his own challenges but he's still there. He has also been avoiding her.

I just don't understand why she's being so hurtful toward me. I truly haven't done anything wrong. I think I am more traumatized by her treatment and behaviour than my fathers illness. I feel nervous all the time. When her name is brought up I feel sick to my stomach and I could dry heave.

Even if she was to apologize, the damage has been done and its catastrophic. I'm trying to cut her out, but she seems to find a way to terrorize me. I work for a large company and I can't block her number from reaching me here. Every time the phone rings I answer on first ring so no one else can hear her. Its humiliating and upsetting. I can't relax. I feel responsible and accountable for her actions, meanwhile I know this isn't my fault. I feel like a burden.

[Perna]

You can take legal action against her, talk to a lawyer! My uncle was diagnosed manic depressive and went after my brother-in-law such that my niece and her family (her husband was a lawyer) had to take action against him. As you say, it is not your fault and does not make sense; she is sick!

I am glad you have a good support network; learn of your father and how he is doing through your brother or someone else "safe" but keep her from calling your office, legally. I am sure your company does not want you working upset and perhaps can help screen once you have a restraining order against her. The managing Vice President of the company I worked for had a problem with an ex-girlfriend and finally told us (we answered the phone and knew to screen her out but she'd disguise her voice/the way she asked for him and occasionally get through) his difficulties and we felt "closer" to him and much more inclined to help/ask "who's calling" and check out female callers better, etc.

[hvert]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds incredibly stressful. I can see why you don't want to talk to your mother. She doesn't seem to have any control over her behavior -- it's not you, it's her.

If you are in a large company with a sophisticated phone system, there may be a way to block her number at work as well. It could be worth asking whoever manages the system.