[emsfirefighter]

I am almost 23 male as of now. I smoked pot for first time when i was around twenty. I smoked for maybe 2-3 months max and something happened last time i did it. I was paranoid like scared... everything looked unreal and time was stopped. i thought i had fried my brain. i started panicing bad. my sister boyfriend at time told me i was tripping. I didnt think it would ever end. finally days or a week later my parents took me to my family dr. i was crying still things didnt look right i was like trapped in a state of unreality. i couldnt do nothing but freak out. i told him everything running through my head. he said i was having anxiety and prescribed my celexa. before all of this i just broke up with my first girlfriend i dated for 6 months when i was 18 and currently got into something with a married girl. saw this girl two years like this. id cry and cry and worry bout her not leaving her husband and coming to me. this was while i was smoking marujuana time period and started drinking to impress this girl. alcohol also makes me paranoid. so i took celexa couple months started having sexual side effects and quit it. things went back to normal for bout two to two and half years. i ended up moving in with married girl i had been sering. she got a divorice. we fought for years before we moved in together and after we moved in. i never trust her because she cheated on her husband for me. i was always angry when we moved in. breaking stuff cusding. alwways thinking she was cheating and having guys at my house. couldnt work hardly for texting her accusing her of having guys over. id go home cuss her and threaten beat guys up if they were in my house. this went on the stress plus my grandmother died of cancer and then my mom got diagnosed with cancer. i was stressing bout money, work my job sucked. then bout 6-7 months ago i was at work and texting girlfriend about guys and i had a sudden onset of fatigue and. felt like i was gonna faint. felt confused also. got home went ER had head catscan everything normal. had unreal feelings again couple weeks later and racing thoughts. panicing very bad parents and girlfriend try to calm me didnt work. i had went to my family dr that morning for these issues. he said anxiety give me klonopin. i took it that night when panicing. it stoppeed alittle. now ive been off and that past 4 -5.months. i can tell it may help sometimes. qhen i do quit it gets bad again and all my family says they can tell im worse without it. i get bad sensation with and without the medcine. tingling and itching throughout body. fatigued all. day. things look unreal. brain foogy. im alqays moving my leg up and down nervously. restless legs. waking up alot off and on at night. now got floaters in my eyes. i have always looked at myself alot in mirror its like habit. gyuot to have stuff straight all the time and look clean all the time.worried bout my looks and what ppl will think of me. wanna act like i stand out etc. and i have had a bad sex problem since 13 of age. masturbate alot and look at porn alot. and aggrivate girlfriend for sex all day everyday and still accusing her of guys. im always looking on internet thing i got diseases escpecially mulriple sclerosis. please help

I think you can not be helped until you find a moral compass.

drugs, booze, sex, infidelity. Sorry - but you are the definition of lost.

I don't think your morality is the problem. I strongly believe you are in need of psychotherapy ASAP. You really need a therapist with whom you can form a good bond and work on your issues before they are established as your life pattern. Best of luck to you~

This is the trouble with getting with people who cheat I am afraid=( It always poses the question that if they did it to them, they could do it to you!

Have you been diagnosed with anything? You can get disassociation with BPD and the trust and anger/instability also matches up. I am not a psych and can't/wouldn't try to give you a diagnoses of course, just thought I would mention it. If it is not MH related, it is certainly self esteem related imo and something that you need to work on. I am very much in agreement with sister Rags that you need some therapy hunny.

I hope things improve xxxx

[emsfirefighter]

Originally Posted by Sky Blueblack

This is the trouble with getting with people who cheat I am afraid=( It always poses the question that if they did it to them, they could do it to you!

Have you been diagnosed with anything? You can get disassociation with BPD and the trust and anger/instability also matches up. I am not a psych and can't/wouldn't try to give you a diagnoses of course, just thought I would mention it. If it is not MH related, it is certainly self esteem related imo and something that you need to work on. I am very much in agreement with sister Rags that you need some therapy hunny.

I hope things improve xxxx

I was told last time i went to a psych doc I had anxiety disorder and a mood disorder. they said not schizophrenic or bipolar though.

My family doc said i had anxiety couple years ago and i went to a psych doc couple months ago and was told i had anxiety disorder and a mood disorder. she didn't say it was bipolar tho. just a mood disorder. i got all these physical symptoms though. makes me wonder

[justaguy14]

No disrespect but it appears your issues are way past just "anxiety". Seek the help of a professional.

I didn't mean bi-polar, I am sorry. Lots of people think it stands for that=/ I mean borderline personality disorder

Mind - Borderline personality disorder

Maybe sit an online test on here? not that they are accurate or anything, but might help you to understand it and you a little better xxxx

[perseverance11]

Originally Posted by emsfirefighter

I am almost 23 male as of now. I smoked pot for first time when i was around twenty. I smoked for maybe 2-3 months max and something happened last time i did it. I was paranoid like scared... everything looked unreal and time was stopped. i thought i had fried my brain. i started panicing bad. my sister boyfriend at time told me i was tripping. I didnt think it would ever end. finally days or a week later my parents took me to my family dr. i was crying still things didnt look right i was like trapped in a state of unreality. i couldnt do nothing but freak out. i told him everything running through my head. he said i was having anxiety and prescribed my celexa. before all of this i just broke up with my first girlfriend i dated for 6 months when i was 18 and currently got into something with a married girl. saw this girl two years like this. id cry and cry and worry bout her not leaving her husband and coming to me. this was while i was smoking marujuana time period and started drinking to impress this girl. alcohol also makes me paranoid. so i took celexa couple months started having sexual side effects and quit it. things went back to normal for bout two to two and half years. i ended up moving in with married girl i had been sering. she got a divorice. we fought for years before we moved in together and after we moved in. i never trust her because she cheated on her husband for me. i was always angry when we moved in. breaking stuff cusding. alwways thinking she was cheating and having guys at my house. couldnt work hardly for texting her accusing her of having guys over. id go home cuss her and threaten beat guys up if they were in my house. this went on the stress plus my grandmother died of cancer and then my mom got diagnosed with cancer. i was stressing bout money, work my job sucked. then bout 6-7 months ago i was at work and texting girlfriend about guys and i had a sudden onset of fatigue and. felt like i was gonna faint. felt confused also. got home went ER had head catscan everything normal. had unreal feelings again couple weeks later and racing thoughts. panicing very bad parents and girlfriend try to calm me didnt work. i had went to my family dr that morning for these issues. he said anxiety give me klonopin. i took it that night when panicing. it stoppeed alittle. now ive been off and that past 4 -5.months. i can tell it may help sometimes. qhen i do quit it gets bad again and all my family says they can tell im worse without it. i get bad sensation with and without the medcine. tingling and itching throughout body. fatigued all. day. things look unreal. brain foogy. im alqays moving my leg up and down nervously. restless legs. waking up alot off and on at night. now got floaters in my eyes. i have always looked at myself alot in mirror its like habit. gyuot to have stuff straight all the time and look clean all the time.worried bout my looks and what ppl will think of me. wanna act like i stand out etc. and i have had a bad sex problem since 13 of age. masturbate alot and look at porn alot. and aggrivate girlfriend for sex all day everyday and still accusing her of guys. im always looking on internet thing i got diseases escpecially mulriple sclerosis. please help

Hello,

Like others said, you need a therapist.

Have you suicidal thoughts sometimes?

Because you didn't mention it and I was wondering.

[emsfirefighter]

Originally Posted by perseverance11

Hello,

Like others said, you need a therapist.

Have you suicidal thoughts sometimes?

Because you didn't mention it and I was wondering.

No I've said i was gonna kill myself but like I told the last therapist i saw I've heard alot of people say that or they wish they were dead. i have thought suicide but as soon as i think it i say to myself that's stupid.i don't feel that way about life. I enjoy life its just i feel si stressed and fatigued all the time. like my mind won't cut off. its always thinking and worrying. I'm always thinking i got a illness like multiple sclerosis . i always waiting on having a seizure or passing out or goin crazy. feel like when i stand up or do anything that i will fall or lose my mind. but i never do.

[emsfirefighter]

Originally Posted by Sky Blueblack

I didn't mean bi-polar, I am sorry. Lots of people think it stands for that=/ I mean borderl

Maybe sit an online test on here? not that they are accurate or anything, but might help you to understand it and you a little better xxxx

Borderline personality disorder doesn't sound like me when i read about it. when i took my klonopin for 3 or 4 months everyone said they could tell i was acting better and weren't talking about disceases and stuff. i myself seemed to be performing better at work also. The only reason i quit taking the klnopin is bc I've almost got my career in path as a firefighter and I'm already certified emt but they don't like u on.klonopin working as either. i start feelng different somewhat better after taking awhile and feel like I'm good enough to come off of it. i know i still need something though i just don't want it to interfere with me getting a job. i also believe i may have become addicted to it. bc i started having symptoms after taking it. and i hear and see everywhere klonopin is a very addicting drug

[emsfirefighter]

Originally Posted by perseverance11

Hello,

Like others said, you need a therapist.

Have you suicidal thoughts sometimes?

Because you didn't mention it and I was wondering.

No I've said i was gonna kill myself but like I told the last therapist i saw I've heard alot of people say that or they wish they were dead. i have thought suicide but as soon as i think it i say to myself that's stupid.i don't feel that way about life. I enjoy life its just i feel si stressed and fatigued all the time. like my mind won't cut off. its always thinking and worrying. I'm always thinking i got a illness like multiple sclerosis . i always waiting on having a seizure or passing out or goin crazy. feel like when i stand up or do anything that i will fall or lose my mind. but i never do.

It is good that you don't have the symptoms of bpd

You can't just stop meds, you have to come off them slowly or they have negative side effects. Have a chat to your doctor if you are concerned and want to stop what you are on, they will decrease the dose slowly and maybe suggest something as a replacement. I very much understand your concerns with the meds, I have refused antipsychotics as they are so dangerous and addictive so I can empathise.

Have you thought anymore about getting some therapy or cbt? I think it would really help you

Well done for talking on here xxx