[Birds of a Feather]

I don't know what I want to achieve in creating this thread, but just thought I would post it anyway.

I was just on Facebook and was looking at a video my elementary school best friend posted. We don't really talk anymore (not due to anything bad happening, we just split ways) and the video was nothing special at all, but while watching it I could not help but consider her outgoing, bubbly (somewhat care-free) personality in comparison to how I often feel around other people or in certain situations because of my anxiety. I could be that outgoing and bubbly too, as technically almost everybody has the capability to do so, but I can't.

I sometimes think that having anxiety makes you a ghost in your own body, as there are so much of your thoughts and behaviors that aren't you. I get by pretty well in life (to outsiders), despite my anxiety, as like most people with anxiety I hide it extremely well. Most, if not all, of it could be labeled just being quiet or on the shy side. I don't have a good means of coping with my anxiety, but instead just push myself to do most (almost all) of the things I have anxiety about but still need to do and get done (i.e. drive, go to class, go certain places, etc.).-- Sometimes this eventually reduces the anxiety (though it takes a very long time), or it just continues as-is and I keep plugging away.

It has taken quite a few years, but I am at the point now where I know for certain that I need to work to discover better (and healthier) ways to deal with this, as it seems like such a waste to continue living life in the shadow of my anxiety.

[birdpumpkin]

I can so relate to that. That's exactly how I am. The last few years or so I've said it's like I'm 2 people. To others I'm shy and quiet, but inside I'm more outgoing and bubbly, if that makes any sense. I could be outgoing but just can't push myself to be around others but people I know well. I've always had some anxiety to a degree (it's been much worse lately, though) and have always pushed myself to do what I need to despite it, as you have.

[lizzyjb]

I feel exactly the same. I can't show others how I really feel. I always have felt that a clown hidden in the mask, the colour of the clothes and a drawed smile. But when I am alone is when I really am. Nobody knows my head is a mess. Only showing my smile and hiding the dark of my soul.

[Mindful55]

I feel that way too. No wonder one of my favorite songs is "Send in the Clowns". I too wear a mask of sorts, where no one can see my pain..Everyone can see my anxiety, yet do they really know how that effects us on a daily basis. I am trying my best to let go, of things I cannot control. Then my thoughts take over, and then it starts all over again.

Birds in a feather: When is the anxiety support chats?

[AlwaysWondering182]

I definitely feel that way too. I feel like I have so much potential, I know I am a smart, hard working, caring person with good intentions. But this anxiety just gets in the way of everything. I literally feel like my life is such a waste right now... that there's just this giant blockade of anxiety standing between me and who I'm actually supposed to be.

I too wear a mask when I'm around people, no one knows I'm anxious pretty much 100% of the time, I hide it fairly well... but it's definitely draining trying to appear calm, cool and collected when inside is just screaming to get out.

We're all in this together!

[Birds of a Feather]

Originally Posted by Mindful55

I feel that way too. No wonder one of my favorite songs is "Send in the Clowns". I too wear a mask of sorts, where no one can see my pain..Everyone can see my anxiety, yet do they really know how that effects us on a daily basis. I am trying my best to let go, of things I cannot control. Then my thoughts take over, and then it starts all over again.

Birds in a feather: When is the anxiety support chats?

It looks like they will be held on Thursdays. I would like to start them on the 19th, as I am just finishing up my quarter and am preparing for finals next week.

[eeyorestail]

I don't have a good means of coping with my anxiety, but instead just push myself to do most (almost all) of the things I have anxiety about but still need to do and get done (i.e. drive, go to class, go certain places, etc.).-- Sometimes this eventually reduces the anxiety (though it takes a very long time), or it just continues as-is and I keep plugging away.

It has taken quite a few years, but I am at the point now where I know for certain that I need to work to discover better (and healthier) ways to deal with this, as it seems like such a waste to continue living life in the shadow of my anxiety.

The fact that you keep plugging away in spite of your anxiety shows what a strong person you are. Obviously you want to manage the anxiety and not just tolerate it. But given how easy it is to just give up and avoid everything that causes anxiety, this is a kind of success.

"Living in the shadow of your anxiety"--this describes exactly how I feel sometimes. What could I be doing, what could I have done, if I weren't living in this shadow? Sometimes I wonder.

[bigjellybelly]

I relate to this very much but in reverse: I am outgoing and bubbly and a professional extrovert. I then go home and utterly fall apart when I am alone and the anxiety hits, but I desperately need to recharge on my own for the next performance of being capable and outgoing for fear of letting everyone down (don't know why I think that - it's quite arrogant actually - but I do). Why do we do this to ourselves?

I do find it amazing that you have plugged through so much and get it all done anyway. It must be exhausting though and I know what you mean about finding healthier ways of getting through life - it just shouldn't be such hard work.

[Birds of a Feather]

Originally Posted by krminnj

The fact that you keep plugging away in spite of your anxiety shows what a strong person you are. Obviously you want to manage the anxiety and not just tolerate it. But given how easy it is to just give up and avoid everything that causes anxiety, this is a kind of success.

"Living in the shadow of your anxiety"--this describes exactly how I feel sometimes. What could I be doing, what could I have done, if I weren't living in this shadow? Sometimes I wonder.

Thank you for posting this. That is a good way to look at it (being strong) and I can agree to that. You are right,...in a sad twisted way (haha) it is an accomplishment to do the things you need to get done, despite your anxiety (and despite how severe it can get while you are doing the tasks). There are only four things I do not do because of my anxiety; 1) raise my hand in class (and wanting to, but thinking too much about it, increases the anxiety), 2) talk on the phone with people I haven't met face-to-face (I SOMETIMES do this, but I really try extremely hard not to-- I also have anxiety talking to certain people on the phone that I KNOW, which I also try to avoid doing but will do), 3) drive on the freeway (I only been have been driving for almost a year this summer, but have a lot of anxiety while driving-- though it is getting much better in some aspects-- but driving the freeways seems like a death-sentence for me with my anxiety.... driving faster, more cars, less reaction time, harder impact, etc.), and 4) go to therapy (my OCD has been "back" for about 7 yrs and my other anxiety started up at least 4 yrs ago; while my anxiety about going to therapy and having to think and talk about everything is very HIGH, is it also getting better as I am realizing I am going to dig myself into a huge hole if I don't start to do something about it--- I also have issues with anxiety causing on-the-spot memory blackouts where I am so anxious I can't think of what I really want to say... which really concerns me in regards to needing verbally express my thoughts/feelings).

Everything else though, I can pretty much do while battling my anxiety; though during such tasks/situations the anxiety does fluctuate from low (a simple worry) to very high (pounding heart, sweating, and even shaking). I have a lot of anxiety over going to new places, especially on my own and especially while driving (I hate driving!). It is hard to "keep going" though, especially without a good means to cope with it at that very moment. I am not too sure if pushing through it and "letting what happens happen" is better or worse in terms of the effects it has on my anxiety issues overall and long-term.

[Birds of a Feather]

Originally Posted by bigjellybelly

I relate to this very much but in reverse: I am outgoing and bubbly and a professional extrovert. I then go home and utterly fall apart when I am alone and the anxiety hits, but I desperately need to recharge on my own for the next performance of being capable and outgoing for fear of letting everyone down (don't know why I think that - it's quite arrogant actually - but I do). Why do we do this to ourselves?

I do find it amazing that you have plugged through so much and get it all done anyway. It must be exhausting though and I know what you mean about finding healthier ways of getting through life - it just shouldn't be such hard work.

That is actually pretty interesting, as I have, naively, really never heard/thought of anybody experiencing anxiety that way (anxiety at home, but not away from home). While most of my anxiety is away from home I also experience anxiety at home under certain conditions (more so OCD related).-- Yesterday, I was extremely wound-up with anxiety all day (from the point of leaving the house, while at school, and upon returning home). When I got home, I was finally able to SLOWLY unwind, but I was so DRAINED (which I have never really been before from anxiety, so it took me by surprise). While my anxiety did seem to go down, I was very jumpy (to loud sounds especially) last night for some reason.

[eeyorestail]

Originally Posted by Birds of a Feather

Thank you for posting this. That is a good way to look at it (being strong) and I can agree to that. You are right,...in a sad twisted way (haha) it is an accomplishment to do the things you need to get done, despite your anxiety (and despite how severe it can get while you are doing the tasks). There are only four things I do not do because of my anxiety; 1) raise my hand in class (and wanting to, but thinking too much about it, increases the anxiety), 2) talk on the phone with people I haven't met face-to-face (I SOMETIMES do this, but I really try extremely hard not to-- I also have anxiety talking to certain people on the phone that I KNOW, which I also try to avoid doing but will do), 3) drive on the freeway (I only been have been driving for almost a year this summer, but have a lot of anxiety while driving-- though it is getting much better in some aspects-- but driving the freeways seems like a death-sentence for me with my anxiety.... driving faster, more cars, less reaction time, harder impact, etc.), and 4) go to therapy (my OCD has been "back" for about 7 yrs and my other anxiety started up at least 4 yrs ago; while my anxiety about going to therapy and having to think and talk about everything is very HIGH, is it also getting better as I am realizing I am going to dig myself into a huge hole if I don't start to do something about it--- I also have issues with anxiety causing on-the-spot memory blackouts where I am so anxious I can't think of what I really want to say... which really concerns me in regards to needing verbally express my thoughts/feelings).

Everything else though, I can pretty much do while battling my anxiety; though during such tasks/situations the anxiety does fluctuate from low (a simple worry) to very high (pounding heart, sweating, and even shaking). I have a lot of anxiety over going to new places, especially on my own and especially while driving (I hate driving!). It is hard to "keep going" though, especially without a good means to cope with it at that very moment. I am not too sure if pushing through it and "letting what happens happen" is better or worse in terms of the effects it has on my anxiety issues overall and long-term.

I used to have HUGE driving anxiety, but it has gotten a lot better. I also have anxiety about talking on the telephone with people I don't know (and even people I know) and that is probably the #1 reason I had to quit my latest job. I work from home now, and thankfully that has been rewarding though it hurts my self-esteem sometimes knowing I can't "hack it in the real world."

I go to therapy every week and it helps more than I can say--but the day of my appointment I am always really anxious in anticipation of the it. I would recommend it, though. I've learned coping skills that I don't think I could have found on my own.

[Birds of a Feather]

Originally Posted by krminnj

I used to have HUGE driving anxiety, but it has gotten a lot better. I also have anxiety about talking on the telephone with people I don't know (and even people I know) and that is probably the #1 reason I had to quit my latest job. I work from home now, and thankfully that has been rewarding though it hurts my self-esteem sometimes knowing I can't "hack it in the real world."

I go to therapy every week and it helps more than I can say--but the day of my appointment I am always really anxious in anticipation of the it. I would recommend it, though. I've learned coping skills that I don't think I could have found on my own.

That is what I am looking forward to; learning ways to cope with it in a positive and healthy manner. I foresee it being a huge relief once I get into therapy and start working on it!