[Turtlebus]

I'm in high school, and I have extreme social anxiety and selective mutism since I was young. I moved across the country 3 years ago, and I'm still not adjusted here and honestly don't think I ever will be. The "friends" where I used to live stabbed me in the back and I don't think I'll ever trust anyone again. I have zero friends. I sit in my room all day doing nothing and it gets extremely lonely. I know that if I made friends, I wouldn't feel like this. Deep down inside I know that everybody is equal, but at school whenever I converse with anyone, I feel like they're better than me and I'm not worthy of talking with them. I tell my teachers I choose not to talk, and I like being alone but it's not true. In my old school, I sat at lunch alone or in the bathroom.This semester somebody asked me to sit with them, and I do. But sometimes I push them away and I don't know why. She's very nice the girl I talk to, but I get extremely nervous, and don't talk barely. I don't know what's wrong with me. I even ruined a relationship. My ex told me I pushed him away, I didn't even realize what I was doing. I got really scared when I saw him. My family isn't really that supportive. They make fun of me for having no friends. I'm scared of dying alone and I don't know what's wrong with me or what to do.

[bluekoi]

Turtlebus, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.

You are just as good as everyone else! Don't let negative people knock you down.

[not quite right]

High school is so hard on the psyches of teenagers. Even without the issues you suffer from. A therapist could help you fight our where these feelings are manifesting. Never forget you're still becoming the person you are and as you grow you gain perspective. You're just as valid as anyone else, don't ever let anyone tell you different. I'll send warm thoughts your way. Hang in there.

[Birds of a Feather]

Welcome to the forum, Turtlebus! I just sent you a PM.

[Mustkeepjob32]

You feeling like other people are better than you in a way makes you more socially anxious. You are just as good as them, possibly better. I know it's hard to feel that way but if you can remember you have worth, things may go better for you.

[AlwaysWondering182]

I definitely understand and feel for you, Turtlebus. I've been dealing with Social Anxiety for about 5 years now (I'm 24 now) and just recently read about selective mutism and realized I have that as well, just couldn't figure out what it was called before. I also identify with being lonely... it's hard to have an anxiety disorder that makes you fearful of talking to people, but at the same time wanting nothing more than to be social and have good friends to talk to and have fun with. Really a tough paradox to deal with.

I remember when I first started having these thoughts I was so scared to tell anyone, I didn't want to look weak or anything like that. When I made the decision to tell my family they were a lot more supportive than I imagined and a lot more understanding. I've heard some people say that I can come across as "rude" or "stuck up" because I don't talk too much, but once you assure them that it's nothing they've done and that you experience anxiety around people I find they are a lot more understanding than you'd think. That should also get rid of some of the stress you have around your family (I think so anyways)

Like you mentioned, I feel the same about other people being better than me. I think social anxiety really comes down to a confidence thing for sure. Even subconsciously. I've noticed when I'm feeling better about my physical appearance, or when I'm just in general feeling more confident I will talk a little bit more than usual (even if it still isn't much).

Hopefully I helped a little bit, I'll check back in on this thread for sure We're in this together! Sending comforting thoughts your way.

High school is the worst... I always felt out of place there. I have really bad social anxiety too. I understand the tendency to push people away. It's because you've been hurt by the people you've tried to open up to and be friends with too many times. When you've felt rejected a lot like we have it makes you feel like you should preemptively push others away so they can't hurt you. But it's best that you don't do that - instead you should just be cautious about who you befriend and trust your feelings with. If she wants to be your friend and have lunch with you she might just be going through similar stuff to you. Maybe you can try to be friends - you don't have to trust her with your deepest secrets right off the bat but maybe you can give her a chance...

[pisces22]

I was very socially anxious when I was in high school too. I was also very insecure and I feared rejection so bad. I'm 20 years old now and I haven't changed. Things got worse but now that I'm older I have decided to take care of myself and get some help. I still haven't accomplished much but I'm taking small steps. You're definitely not alone. I know, it's hard to tell your parents that you need help and especially when they're not very supportive but you should try it. Good luck with everything!

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