[brokenandalone1234]

I have always had low self esteem. I was bullied from the day I started 1st grade up until I walked across the stage to say good bye to high school. I have a medical condition with my hands that no matter what I do they never stop sweating. It has caused my self esteem to be so low that when I get in any relationship with anybody I have a hard time trusting them. I see other girls and even the ones who to others I look better than in my head I am thinking damn that girl looks so much better than me. It is so bad that at times I feel like my fiance doesn't take me out to dinner because he doesn't want to be seen with me. I know the real reason is we don't have the money but my anxiety and self esteem won't let me believe the truth. I have done somethings I am not proud of to get him to take me out to dinner. Nothing has been sexual in nature but they have been things that are not even close to how I normally I act. I have given up having a social life so I can be around him as much as possible so I can keep an eye on him. I even blew off having lunch with my best friend of 20 years today because my fiance wanted to go play ball with his friends. I have anxiety issues so bad that there isn't a single person in my life I trust. I don't trust even my own family most days. I have lost myself because of my self esteem and anxiety issues. I need some help with this. My anxiety issues and self esteem issues are destroying my relationship with my fiance. He is out playing ball with his friends right now and me typing this is the only thing keeping me from having a panic attack and not hoping in my car and going to track him down. I need help. I need someone to help me figure out ways to stay calm and get my social life back and be able to leave my house without my fiance and trust that he is going to be faithful. Any advice would be welcome. Remember this though he isn't the only person I don't trust. If I know you I don't trust you.

I'm sorry that you're having so much trouble with it... even if you're worried about it you can't let it control you life to where you can't go out with your best friend to lunch.

The fact is that if he's going to be unfaithful you can't stop him by watching him like a hawk. And him seeing that you don't trust him will not help the relationship at all because trust is important (I know it's hard - I'm not being critical or anything but you and I both know that it's important in any relationship to have mutual trust).

Do you have a reason not to trust him, like has he betrayed and/or cheated on you in the past? I think you really need to make an effort to let it go enough that you can regain your social life - isolating yourself from your friends will just make things worse overall because you are pushing away your best support system.

Are you seeing a therapist or have you tried anti-depressants? They can both be really helpful in my experience.

[brokenandalone1234]

He has never cheated in the past but he has a couple of friends who are known for being man *****s and have no respect for woman because even if they are in a relationship they sleep with anything that throws themselves on them. My anxiety over the course of the last three or four years has gotten worse. It has gotten so bad that now even meeting new people nearly sends me into a panic attack. I don't leave my house a lot. I recently gave up my second job for fear of losing of my fiance. I also was tired of working and getting nothing in return.