Losing touch with reality.

I joined this site because I feel like I have no one to turn too, the people I have attempted to talk to about this have given me a sympathetic "ohhh. That sucks". I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need advice, input, or maybe I just need to rant to get it ALL off my chest.

It started almost two months ago. I've always had anxiety, at least for the passed 10 years or so. Some times it'd be manageable, sometimes it'd control my life. I had a severe allergic reaction(although I haven't had one before), I was sitting with my daughter eating some fruit and watching TV. Everything was fine until my tongue/mouth started to burn. I looked into the mirror and my tongue starter to swell and it was beginning to become difficult to breathe. My brother had just recently moved back into my apartment, trying to remain calm and not scare my daughter (she's 4) with the allergic reaction I tried to wake my brother up from his nap. I told him " I need you to watch my daughter, I'm about to faint, can't breathe, need to call an ambulance "and all he said was " oh come on, man. I'm trying to sleep here!" Rolled over and went back to sleep. Luckily, I had convinced my mom to make it to my place from work to watch my daughter so I could call an ambulance. I have to carry an EpiPen with me now, and can't eat fruit or vegetables until I have my appointment with the allergist (another couple weeks).

At first, the anxiety had kicked up again because I was afraid of getting another allergic reaction. Every time I'd eat I could feel the anxiety rise. I'd panic thinking I could feel my throat closing up again, the burning on my tongue, the dizziness. Although I knew it was in my head since I've been avoiding the foods im allergic too. I've had two panic attacks in the passed couple weeks, so my doctor had given me Ativan, I still haven't taken one though because its highly addicting. It seems like one more stress I don't need.

The anxiety is something I'm use too, although they haven't been this frequent in more than a year, and the severity of it is much more than I have experienced before. I have anxiety about allergic reactions, about breathing, sleeping, eating, showering, and especially being alone with my daughter in case another severe allergic reaction happens. I've visioned it so many times in my head of me dying in front of her, and that'd be her last memory of me. Its a phobia now. I can't sleep anymore, I get maybe 3 hours at most. I can't eat anymore, I've lost 15 pounds in the past two weeks. The past two weeks, I don't know why, but has become worse. I've been feeling extremely depressed, hopeless, alone. I'm constantly filled with anxiety, I can't concentrate, and I've been on the verge of tears all the time. I'm not an emotional person, I'm more of a thinker and stay neutral. These passed two weeks I've been crying multiple times a day, I've lost patience with my daughter. The smallest thing will have me weeping, like today, I was feeling really down and my daughter had randomly gave me a hug. I hugged her back, and had to excuse myself to the next room because I started sobbing uncontrollably and honestly I don't even know why. I feel like I'm on a downward spiral, with my divorce coming up, the anxiety, allergic reactions, my aunt is only given two weeks to live as of yesterday, financial and living situations. This constant fear of dying, feeling like I'm dying, this emptiness, fear of being alone.

I do plan on seeing a professional, but it won't be for a couple of weeks at the earliest. I just need some advice on what I can do to try and get myself in a decent state and out of this depression.

First I am sorry you are feeling so anxious that in it's self can be hard. Maybe try some deep breathing and relaxing a bit that usually helps me to just clear my head. Also I would keep posting here it does help. You are not alone. You must pull yourself together for your daughter if nothing else. Sounds like you really have a lot to be stressed about, but try and stay in the moment and just get through the day. Try not to worry about tomorrow as it is not here yet. Just take it day by day. I hope this helps a bit. We are here for you.

Ashleydoodleroonies, wow, your anxiety is really severe and it must be very difficult for you to take care of your daughter. I admire you for trying so hard to be strong so you can be there for her. Heck, right now, you have a lot going on in your life--most people would be stressed-out by it. My life circumstances are a bit different than yours but I also battle severe anxiety on a daily basis. It comes in cycles and sometimes it gets so bad I can't even leave my bedroom. I spend a lot of time focusing on my breathing and journalling. It's good that you are sharing by posting here--maybe it'll lighten your load just a bit to know that others understand what you are feeling. Take care....D

From the sound of it, the anxiety medication might help for the worst of the panic attacks...if its a benzo then yes they can be addicting, but it sort of depends on the person to and whether or not you're informed on that risk...but not being able to sleep, eat and have any peace of mind due to anxiety and other stress is a serious health matter.

If you are uncomfortable with the ativan perhaps you should talk to your doctor about other anxiety meds, but most of those won't kick in as quick to actually minimize a panic attack. There are also some herbal/natural remedies that can help if you're uncomfortable with meds....for instance Valerian can be helpful for panic attacks and I think it helps general stress to, I find it most effective as a tincture or tea. So I'd suggest maybe looking into some of the more natural remedies but keep in mind natural/herbal doesn't mean absolutely no side effects or dangers with over-use but much of the time it can be less than with pharmacuticals....also things like breathing exercises to calm your breathing when you feel anxious and things like that can also help some.

I can't imagine how difficult having a young child on top of that is, but it seems you are doing your best to take care of her, but you have to take care of yourself to in order to be able to continue doing that.

Hello, Ashleydoodleroonies.

My therapist gave me a card with these coping tips. They take some practice but have been helpful.

Coping With Anxiety and Panic

1. Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.
2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.
3. Anxiety is temporary. Instead of fighting it, relax into it. Just let it be.*
4. Focus on facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.
5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.
6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.
7. Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.
8. Wait and give the fear time to pass.
9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.
10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.
11. Think about the progress made so far despite all the difficulties.
*Breathe

I wish you well.