[justempty]

By now, I pretty much have to accept the fact that I will NEVER NEVER enjoy one or feel like I fit in ANYWHERE. I just came home from a work social function, and once again, the suicidal thoughts start popping up. I tried to psych myself up for it (like I have done before), but it does not work. I am who I am and it will not change. What I need to know is how do I live the rest of my life like this? I don't want to. I'm tired of these situations and leaving them feeling like I don't want to live any more. I want so much to feel happy, at ease and part of a group. I never feel that way, even with family. Something is wrong with me.

How do I accept this? I've tried to accept it, but I still always, always get hurt so bad. Always. I can't take this any more. Seriously, if you can't change, how can you cope with this??? I'm afraid there isn't a way. Do I have to hurt like this the rest of my life? Unfortunately I know that the answer is yes.

By the way, I have tried counseling and drugs.

Please help, someone.

[justempty]

No one?

I don't know if I can offer much help except to say I really understand those feelings. I don't do well in a lot of social functions and for most of my life I've felt as if I don't really belong. For me, what's helped some is first learning to accept who I am as a person. Try not to think of this as something "wrong" with you, but instead take some time to focus on your strengths and positive points. I only say this because I've noticed when I'm in the mindset that there's something wrong with me see the world in a much different, bleaker light. Sometimes I wonder if it's a defense mechanism...in other words if I believe I don't belong then I don't have to let others in, thus I won't face possible rejection.

I'm so sorry you're in such pain and I hope you can find a way out of it in a positive way. And please don't give up. I understand those feelings of not wanting to be here but you do belong here. I know you don't know me at all, but I care and I'm sure many others care about you too.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Me neither. I used to think there was something wrong with me, and perhaps there is not that I much care, but it is just my personality.

I am reading a book called 'The Positive power of negative thinking' that goes into how we shy sociophobes can cope with social functions by thinking about and therefore preparing for the worst! I find it quite comforting that you can fake it even for just a while.

[QUOTE
How do I accept this? I've tried to accept it, but I still always, always get hurt so bad. Always. I can't take this any more. Seriously, if you can't change, how can you cope with this??? I'm afraid there isn't a way. Do I have to hurt like this the rest of my life? Unfortunately I know that the answer is yes.

By the way, I have tried counseling and drugs.

Please help, someone.[/QUOTE]

Sorry that you're feeling this way, I feel the same, accepting is meant to feel better than fighting against it or changing it, but in my experience of trying to change this problem, it always ends badly.

People say 'look to your childhood' for answers about social anxiety and poor live communication skills. It is not to do with my childhood, whatever crap happened then i've learned that's the norm but it probably is not.

One thing I find helped a lot, was learning to say 'no' if i'm feeling cornered or too tired to try and make an effort, but now I just don't go to anything. The cinema is a good place to start coping with this, I used to go on my own and sit there in the dark with people I did not know but it somehow eased the whole anxiety around socialness thing- no obligation to talk or look at anyone, just experiencing the other senses : )

[dwfieldjr]

Do people harass you at these functions?

[justempty]

Thank you so much, everyone, for taking the time to give your thoughts. I really appreciate it very much and it does help give some comfort.

No, people don't harass me at functions. I just pretty much feel invisible. Or uninteresting. I am a very nice person and have always been told that I'm attractive. However, I just don't have it in my personality to make a lot of small talk or to be funny. When I try to talk to someone, or when someone talks to me, I think they can tell it's forced and that I feel uncomfortable. I so much don't want to be that way, and I really see it as a handicap because it has held me back from SO much in life. There have been countless social situations throughout my life that I have suffered through and come back from feeling crushed and like a failure. I'm tired of having to suffer through that, which is why I don't want to subject myself to it any more. But sometimes I don't have a choice, such as at work. If I avoid every social function, it will probably be detrimental to my job (although I avoid all of them that I can!).

I have another small dinner party I have to go to this Friday. I wish I could be a normal person and actually look forward to it. But I already feel the panic and dread and just want it to be over. It is with people I don't know, and I always hate having new people find out how quiet I am.

Thanks so much for listening and caring!

BTW, anyone know of a pill that will make you more talkative and interesting? ;-) I'd be all over it!!