[EmilyRose]

I used to have it really bad when I was very young, think elementary school. I couldn't be thinking of something "bad," i.e. getting a bad grade, losing my intelligence and becoming "stupid" either gradually or overnight, not having friends, etc. If I was having said thoughts and touching something, I had to touch it again and again until I had a good thought and really concentrated on it or I was certain the bad one would come true. Same thing with looking at something. If I was looking at something and having a "bad" thought, that something would come true, particularly moving objects. Balloons held loads of horror for me, car antennaes, curtains, mini blinds. Anything like that was the worst. My dad made fun of me for this behavior because, when it takes over like that, it took up much of my time having to look at something until I had a good thought or looking and relooking hundreds of times sometimes. As I got older, I realized that that just couldn't be. I can't make something happen just because I'm looking at a moving object or touching something and having a "bad" thought. It's gotten better now, but I still have these minor obsessions and a ritual I have to go through to get rid of it. There is a ceiling fan in our house. My mother put one of those long pull cords on it. It makes a horrible racket when it's turned on as it wobbles horribly and is just awful, in my opinion. Ever since I've noticed that horrible clanking it does, I can't get my mind off of that fan and that if I'm thinking of that fan and I am thinking of a person or event, I am just certain it's going to happen..whatever it is I think. Like that my parents hate me, my brother thinks I'm stupid...my boyfriend isn't going to stay around even though he talks marriage now. Just annoying things and then I have my ritual which is to envision the ceiling fan and me using an imaginary eraser to "erase" the image of the ceiling fan in my head. It works while I'm doing it but then, inevitably, I think of that fan again and I'm back to square one. I'd like to stop doing this. Does anyone know anything I can do at home to maybe squelch this problem entirely? Some sort of behavior therapy I can try that might work. Like I have to think of the fan for a certain amount of time and whatever I think of I just let it go and don't do my ritual? Does that even work? I read it on here somewhere. Thank you in advance for anything. I'm so tired of having this OCD even if it has gotten much better.

it is so tiring.isn't it?????have you tried any meds?

[EmilyRose]

I was on some things a couple of years ago but they were for anxiety and depression. I was just self diagnosing basically and the doctor gave it to me. I got pregnant and quit taking them. Nothing really helps much. I'm trying something tonight which worked sort of in that I haven't had to do my ritual. My thoughts were flitting all over like they do and came to rest, very briefly, on that ceiling fan again and I for some dumb reason and I figure at least I know it's dumb BUT I had a brief vision of my son's head there and OMG what if that ceiling fan somehow affects him and he can't learn in school anymore or whatever. Then I stopped and went back and envisioned just the ceiling fan...nothing more. I imagined it for what it was...helped a bit. I'm still fighting the urge to get that "magic, invisible" eraser and banish it from my thoughts. It just comes back though. I keep telling myself that.

[Randy33]

Emily,

There is treatment for OCD. It is a form of CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) called ERP (exposure response prevention). ERP and OCD meds are the best treatment available for treating OCD.

The first thing you need to do is see a mental health professional and get a proper diagnosis so you can ensure you get the proper treatment for the proper disorder.

No matter what illness or disorder one has, I recommend reading everything you can on it. The more you know and understand your diagnosis and the treatment for it, the better you will do in therapy.

For OCD, I recommend visiting the OC Foundation website which is staffed by the top professionals in the field and full of an abundance of information and references. It is a good place to start.

Best Wishes

[jmo531]

Emily,

I can relate to much of what you say. My OCD is more "obsessional" but I have a few compulsions that drive me batty

I think the advice that Randy33 has suggested is excellent. It is so draining to dealing with this daily. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Take care,

Jen