[Mundane Gryphon]

Today the exterminator came to do the anti-lady-beetle spraying, as he does every fall. My poor husband (MPH ) works overnights and just couldn't stay awake to greet him, so I volunteered to meet him at the door, ask him a question, and then pay him when he was done. He doesn't even come into the house, just sprays the perimeter and around windows and doors outside. I did manage to meet him at the door and ask him the question, but once I was done with that I couldn't handle the terror any more and had to run upstairs and wake MPH so he could be ready to pay the man when he was done spraying.

Then I ran away like a 5-year-old and hid in my office, just like I always do when somebody comes to the door. It doesn't matter who it is or whether my husband is home or awake; I run away like Frankenstein's monster is at the door. The minister from our local church dropped by once, and I just about crawled under the bed. It makes me feel like a pathetic little coward, not at all the image I have of myself or the one I want to present to the world.

I'm not sure how to deal with this kind of phobia. There isn't really any way to just have part of a person drop by for exposure therapy, and even having limited exposure to a stranger like I did today doesn't seem to lessen the fear. My neighbors all think I'm stuck up because I don't stay outside and chat when they pass by on their evening walks.

Does anybody else here hide from visitors like this? Do any of you have some tips to help me get past this fear?

[Blue_Bird]

I used to do this, what helped me was therapy and self help books. The books taught me breathing exercises and that helped to calm me down a little enough to not run away when someone came over

[Silent Void]

I never answer the door unless I'm expecting someone. I never answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. I let it go to voicemail.

I don't need the stress.

I used to do that. Or if I was living with someone else and there were visitors I'd retreat to my space. I got over the anxiety part pretty much although I won't necessarily answer the door. If I choose not to answer now it isn't due to anxiety. If I see two guys in suits on bicycles or ladies with a handful of religious pamphlets then I'm not going to answer the door. Same thing if it's strangers at the door at 4am. Just because people can ring my doorbell doesn't make me feel obligated to answer
I guess I got over the hiding/anxiety behavior by a sort of exposure therapy... self administered therapy if you will.
Hiding or confronting really is a learned behavior pattern IMHO. Once you do it it's easier to do it again and eventually you find yourself comfortable with your actions... or stuck with them.

[Mundane Gryphon]

We don't even have a doorbell. We do have dogs, so they let us know when somebody drives into the yard. I'm so terrified by people that I won't even look to see who's outside, not even a peek through the blinds.

George H., I'm sure you're right. The only way to get over the behavior is to stop doing it. I've used that method to get over some of my other phobias (centipedes, spiders), but this one has defeated me so far. Like I did with the bug man, I will sometimes force myself to stay downstairs or even to speak with a visitor outside, but it never gets any easier. I suppose it's because we don't have many people coming by here, so months can pass between chances to directly confront my fear. I guess at this point in my life, I'll just have to accept that I'm stuck this way.

Heh. Lady Gaga should record a song about that .

[iBovka]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

I never answer the door unless I'm expecting someone. I never answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. I let it go to voicemail.

I don't need the stress.

Hi, I similar in terms of not answering unknown phone calls unless they send me text saying who they are.may be its a good thing to be cautious but I believe its associated with Social anxiety that I'm suffering from early age. I just need to balance it out

I've done this too. Sadly, I've even do it with distant family if they come for the holidays. Just hide out in my bedroom with all the bare necessities to avoid any and all contact. I can't explain it but it can make things tough. Things have gotten better with time, seems to come and go in cycles, but would definitely try not to beat yourself up about it.

I imagine exposure is the key to building on this "weakness", but exposure is the terrifying part. Good luck!

[wotchermuggle]

I don't like uncontrolled social situations. I still hide too.

[mountain human]

I usually won't go outside if my neighbors are out so I don't have to interact with them, part of my social anxiety/avoidant personality...my therapist has been pushing me to make myself say hello to people and it has been getting easier, but still not natural yet. I hope if I do it more it will become less stressful. I typically live in my own mind but would like to re-join the real world at some point!

[Dan208]

I do the exact same thing. I have been trying to work on it for years but still hide when someone comes to the door.

[tealBumblebee]

Not to that extent, but I do. I tend to greet any visitors and then disappear to my room until they leave. If the visitor is for me, I usually ask them not to come by lol. You're definitely not alone.

I wish I knew a way for you to get "partial exposure" but i'm not sure... maybe going to a local coffee shop eaaaarly in the morning when there are few people and just "sitting"? I don't know just a thought lol.

[BeaFlower]

You have been great just to try Maybe next time you'll can handle a bit more. I agree that it's better to go step by step.

[Insignificant other]

You are so NOT alone.
I panic whenever someone knocks on the door and I seldom answer the phone unless I know whose calling.
I hate this phobia and literally have forced myself to try to get over it .
Gives me worms just thinking about it!!
Just kidding of course.

[SecondSkin]

This may sound silly, but maybe try role playing with your husband (or someone else you know well) and have them come to the door. Give yourself the time to know what to say in each scenario. I'm terrible about answering my door. It's MY house/sanctuary/safe place. Why do I have to keep letting people in? But I've gotten used to it. I still hate surprise visits, but (as everything is) it's a slow process.

[Mikeyboy]

I do not answer the door for anyone that I wasn't already expecting(like a repairman or something). And everyone I know that would be coming to hang out(family or friends) would park on the gravel drive that runs alongside my property, enter the side gate(which is hard to unlock, basically only people I've shown know how to do it), and knock at the back door. So basically, if I'm not expecting someone, and my front door is being knocked upon, I'm not answering. I'll look out the peephole to make sure it's not a neighbor with some emergency or something, and then go right back to whatever it was I'm doing.

I don't like strangers. Go away.

[jjishere]

Originally Posted by Mundane Gryphon

We don't even have a doorbell. We do have dogs, so they let us know when somebody drives into the yard. I'm so terrified by people that I won't even look to see who's outside, not even a peek through the blinds.

George H., I'm sure you're right. The only way to get over the behavior is to stop doing it. I've used that method to get over some of my other phobias (centipedes, spiders), but this one has defeated me so far. Like I did with the bug man, I will sometimes force myself to stay downstairs or even to speak with a visitor outside, but it never gets any easier. I suppose it's because we don't have many people coming by here, so months can pass between chances to directly confront my fear. I guess at this point in my life, I'll just have to accept that I'm stuck this way.

Heh. Lady Gaga should record a song about that .

I related to you all on this one. I have this issue of fright also. I think it's because I know that some people have guessed at my condition. I have severe, treatement resistant depression for over 30 years. Nothing has helped. I looked on this site for TRD and saw posts but it is now closed. It is very hard to post to a regular depression board because I have tried all the meds, therapy, and the rest of it and nothing works. So I am told I need to be stronger. How? But that is not what this board is about. I am new. So sorry, for any mis-steps I may make.
I have been agoraphobic for almost 3 years now. Before that it was semi. I don't know the relationship between depression and this, but just know there may be one. My therapist says "just go out". Not that easy. I try to keep hope alive. I try to be grateful. I hope I have not upset anyone with this post. I am just so overwhelmed and my concentration is not the greatest. Thanks for reading.
What was Lady Gaga's song name?

[CosmicRose]

I do this. Sometimes I even get flutters of anxiety in my chest when my own sister drops by unannounced with my niece, and we grew up together! Whenever the gardeners are outside I dread having to hand them the money, and my heart jumps into my throat when they knock on my door - and they come twice a month! Out of all the towns I've lived in, I've never known neighbors to stand outside and talk to each other, so I don't think that's what neighbors really do unless they're already good friends or something. It doesn't matter if your neighbors think you're stuck up because neighbors probably have their own busy lives to live and aren't really thinking about why their neighbor didn't say hi to them.
Even the FedEx man freaks me out when I have to sign for something at the door, or when I accidentally run into the mail man while he's loading the mailbox. I never answer the door if it's someone I don't know - I've heard of too many scary stories about just answering the door to anyone so it's not worth it to me. Thank god for the invention of peep-holes. I never answer the phone either, if it's important they'll leave a message lol.

[surfacetoair]

Of course the BP plays into this but I have recurrent social anxiety. It's a severe handicap and one that most people don't understand. It's been severe enough at times that I've had to tell people about it because it impacts work and my home life. I will admit that it was a lot worse before welbutrin.

[lauralost]

Originally Posted by Silent Void

I never answer the door unless I'm expecting someone. I never answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. I let it go to voicemail.

I don't need the stress.

Same! I wont open the door for anyone, just expected guests, the housekeeper and the postman. Don't want to let in some serial killer to our home by accident... uh, maybe I should stop watching Criminal Minds.
Seriously though, I even have an escape route planned if someone breaks in.

[Ozisl]

I answer the door even less than I answer the phone, which is to say, never. Maybe I'd like to set up one of those sweet "air lock" systems.

Beyond general anxiety of interacting with people, if they are in my home... it feels dirty and invaded. If someone comes into my *room*, it just feels like an invasion that I can't scrub away. This is like sacred territory that I feel safe in. If someone else trespasses, it has to be cleaned again before I can feel secure.

[Evaluna]

I relate to this totally. I won't answer the door unless I know I'm expecting someone. If someone knocks at the door and I don't expect it my heart literally jumps out of my chest. I l live in a first floor flat so its easy to hide from people!

[RRex]

• Don't knock on my door. I won't answer.
• Don't call me on the phone. I don't want to talk to anyone.
• Don't come up to me in the store. I'll walk away.
• LEAVE ME BE!

[RRex]

Edit to above post: Unless you belong to PC. Then you're a fellow traveler and welcome.

[Blues47]

Originally Posted by whimsywhisker

I've done this too. Sadly, I've even do it with distant family if they come for the holidays. Just hide out in my bedroom with all the bare necessities to avoid any and all contact.

I did this when I was a kid. Hid out in my room until my parents called, then I'd come down and give my awkward hellos, then retreat to my room until dinner or whatever. Never got better either...35 years later I have no contact with my extended family.

[Lemon Curd]

I have a small window near the door. I used to crank it open a bit. Outsiders could only see my head.
Thank goodness we finally got an intercom.
It's a blessing.