I am wondering if the occurrences below count as triggers of some sort. I'm not super knowledgeable about triggers.

I'm wondering about my anxiety and not the relationship per say because I notice this behavior in myself following other painful experiences in my life as well.

For example, if I was wearing a certain shirt when something bad happens to me, I will dispose of the shirt for fear of feeling a certain negative emotion upon seeing it after the painful event.

More recently, my fiance had an emotional affair that's been over for more than a year now but I experience the following:

1) The woman he cheated with was from a certain country and now hearing the name of the country causes me chest pain.
2)I found out on Google and now I am unable to use my computer for days at a time for fear of flashbacks.
3)Her name started with a certain letter and now I am unable to see the letter without feeling pain.
4) I spend a great deal of time ruminating and/or recalling things about the "discovery" period and feeling psychically ill as a result of ruminations. I'm not sure how to make them stop but it's been over for over a year now and I still think about it every day.
5) If I hear of infidelity I am immediately transported back to my confrontation with her and become anxious.
6) If my fiance is not available for a certain period of time I get panicked.

All of this is alarming to me because it just seems too intense for the event and for the feelings I have for my fiance. While I care for my fiance I am in no way lovesick for him to the point of obsessing over him and his fidelity. I can only imagine that this cheating bought one other instance of cheating (by another ex) and/or my unresolved issues with my father always putting women before me to the surface and this is why I am experiencing this pain.
I am less interested in my relationship and more interested in doing what needs to be done to get out of this private hell.

From what I've written, does it seem that I am being triggered or experiencing some traumatic response?

[kaliope]

well it is both...the incidents are triggering the past trauma so you are having a traumatic response as a result of the triggers. triggers are anything that illicit a response from you that would not be "normal" from an encounter with that particular stimulus. it appears you have been really traumatized by your boyfriends indiscretion and may be accurate in assuming it is based on your past. have you looked into professional help to assist you in working through these issues?

Originally Posted by kaliope

well it is both...the incidents are triggering the past trauma so you are having a traumatic response as a result of the triggers. triggers are anything that illicit a response from you that would not be "normal" from an encounter with that particular stimulus. it appears you have been really traumatized by your boyfriends indiscretion and may be accurate in assuming it is based on your past. have you looked into professional help to assist you in working through these issues?

Hi Kaliope, thank you for your comment. I was in therapy for almost a year and my therapist just suggested that I move on from the thoughts. He was a good therapist but I don't think he understood how much this has disrupted my life. He chose instead to begin DBT with me for GAD and or depression. The DBT was helpful but since it wasn't meant to address the triggers it didn't do me much good there.

I also saw a couple's counselor with my fiance and she too directed me to just move on from the triggers. I no longer have insurance as I'm unemployed but when I begin working again ( which will hopefully be soon) I'm wondering what kind of therapist I should see for help with this?

The two I previously saw used mindfulness primarily but I may need something tailored to trauma. Could this be akin to a PTSD? I don't want to say that ignorantly because I am sensitive to the struggles of ppl with PTSD. I am just trying to determine what action I need to take to get real help.

[SecondSkin]

I'm certainly not a professional, but as someone who is dealing with PTSD (and the triggers that come with it) I think what kaliope said sounds right. I honestly don't believe in a black and white situation where you either "have it" or you "don't have it". If it was traumatic to you, then that's what matters. If you go out of your way to avoid those things, then they're probably triggers. Telling you to move on from those thoughts belittles the feelings you have when those thoughts come up. If I were you, I would seek out someone that deals with trauma. Good luck!!

Originally Posted by SecondSkin

I'm certainly not a professional, but as someone who is dealing with PTSD (and the triggers that come with it) I think what kaliope said sounds right. I honestly don't believe in a black and white situation where you either "have it" or you "don't have it". If it was traumatic to you, then that's what matters. If you go out of your way to avoid those things, then they're probably triggers. Telling you to move on from those thoughts belittles the feelings you have when those thoughts come up. If I were you, I would seek out someone that deals with trauma. Good luck!!

Thank you so much for this. I am working on seeking a trauma counselor after I start working. I am tired of actively avoiding things and living in a private hell.

[Forever hopeful]

I just wanted to say I understand this all too well sounds all too familiar to me to my experience ? I agree with Kaliope that is how I see the triggers vs responses. Reading someone's else's similar experience such as yours gave me a negative response.

[Mel2809]

There are therapists out there who specialize in PTSD and trauma issues. I only know this because my therapist is one. I would highly suggest trying to find one. Even if you aren't struggling with PTSD per say...they are more sensitive to emotional triggers and helping you deal with them. I'm sorry but a Dr who tells you to just move on from those thoughts is not very sensitive to people who deal with trauma.

Originally Posted by Mel2809

There are therapists out there who specialize in PTSD and trauma issues. I only know this because my therapist is one. I would highly suggest trying to find one. Even if you aren't struggling with PTSD per say...they are more sensitive to emotional triggers and helping you deal with them. I'm sorry but a Dr who tells you to just move on from those thoughts is not very sensitive to people who deal with trauma.

Thank you, Mel. I really appreciate your help. I haven't been clear on how to explain this to a therapist in a way that would make me feel understood or in a way that might move them to help me. I'll now seek out trauma therapists because the avoidance of triggers is really troubling me and impacting my quality of life at this point.

[SecondSkin]

Much luck in funding someone. I'd print out your description here of what you've been dealing with. Maybe if you can't verbalize it well, it could be your back up. I know I get so very tongue tied with new people.

[heyhey.im.j]

That's a coping mechanism, or habit you use to comfort yourself. I did it for years until I read a book called "At last a life" written by Paul David. He also has a website if you're skeptical like I was. Its called anxietynomore.co.uk
I highly recommend you read the book or at the least loom at the site. Its about a man who duffered anxiety and psnic for 10 years, he writes about and shares things that most would be afraid to tell a therapist for fear of being tossed in a hospital. The disturbing thoughts and images are all part of anxiety, so is the blurred vision and feeling disconnected with yourself and feeling like a zombie. Its all explained. I had a breakdown last week and searched google for an answer when I accidently stumbled on the website. Im sharing because things were explained so well and gave me an understanding on what and why I felt the way I did. I had the same rituals from not eating a certain food, wearing a certain pair of socks, body wash to deodorant. I was a hot mess, I've been there and I have dropped a lot of my weird habits after reading the book. Its not by a Dr. Its a real man that overcame anxiety and explains in detail how, its not an overnight cure, but you'll feel a weight off your shoulders just knowing you're not alone and what your body is doing. I'm sharing because I think this could really help you out, you've realized that you have rituals and I did too. I really hope you get the book, or browse the site and consider it. If you need to talk in confidence with no judgement, don't hesitate to send a private message.