[not quite right]

At 2 years old my mother left me. Any time she gave me was peppered with cruelty and unhappiness. She was (and surely remains) filled with alcohol, anger and crudely projected self hatred. I could go on for hours on all the emotional damage attached to our relationship, but that's past and I have forgiven her. As an adult I was able to have a decent relationship with her and cherish those times. Eleven years ago she left me again. Packing up and moving to Florida. Due to my severe anxiety condition I was unable to visit her, and she didn't visit us, either. I've maintained a closeness with her by phone. Recently she made us aware of the fact that she was terminally ill. I talked with her about it and felt almost at peace. Then with no warning she calls my sister and demands we go get her and bring her home to die. Now I'm unsure of how to feel. I want to see her, but, I know that her presence will bring old issues back and she will no doubt find a way to be ungrateful and unpleasant for it's her nature. I hate myself for thinking this way, but it is my honest feelings. It is completely left me feeling a sense of impending doom. I am a horrible person.

[Ozisl]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect yourself. You deserve to be able to control your life. But you can use the old saying "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" in other ways than thinking about suicide. A permanent interaction will stay with you forever. Just stay in control.

[not quite right]

Originally Posted by Ozisl

There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect yourself. You deserve to be able to control your life. But you can use the old saying "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" in other ways than thinking about suicide. A permanent interaction will stay with you forever. Just stay in control.

I'm afraid somewhere I was misunderstood. I'm not in any way suicidal. I just think I'm a bad person for feeling her homecoming is unwelcome and unhealthy fit my mental health

[Ozisl]

I'm just saying that that phrasing can be applied to other issues. Just think of what permanent effect your temporary actions will have, both for her and your future self.

[not quite right]

That's the biggest issue for me. When she's gone I fear she'll leave me in worse condition for her being here. I recently had another mental breakdown, I'm still fragile and she's aggressively ill tempered and cruel when she feels the need.

[Lemon Curd]

Put yourself first.
My relationship with my mom is via telephone as well.
It is all I have to give.
No need to feel guilty.
You are not a bad person.
You are taking care of your mental health first.
As it, should be.
Your mom & perhaps some family or friends probably won't understand.
And, they never will.
You know what?
That's okay.
Do what is in your best interest for your mental health.
I did, and I do not regret my decision.
Don't allow others to guilt you.
Just understand how unfair it is of them.
Do the best you can for mom, that's more than enough.
That's just me.
*big friendship hug*

[not quite right]

Either way I'm doomed to suffer. If I keep my distance, I'll be haunted by regret and shame of my cowardice. If I spend her last days with her I will have closure, but, also am sure to be left with more emotional scars. She's going to be living with my sister and I think it would be unfair to leave her the burden to carry alone. I'm torn and helpless.

[Ozisl]

Put yourself in a place where you can imagine what it would feel like for her to pass on without you. It will hurt either way, but what about how you would feel in the long term? Regrets?

[not quite right]

That's the heart of my dilemma. If I didn't care it would be easy to turn my back on her. But in turn she left me for 11 years with not one visit, but now that she's dying she's running back to me. My mental state is less than stable and I fear she will most certainly chip away at what little sanity I still have. But in the end I don't have the heart to turn my back on her so I'll suffer the consequences.

[Ozisl]

The closest I can relate would be my father taking care of his dad, after a youth of abuse and leaving home for the Navy at 17 before graduating to escape. Now, my dad spends many afternoons sitting with him. I don't understand it, but my dad seems more secure with it.

I can only try to imagine your emotions and stress at the time, but I would caution facing regret in the future. Maybe at least chance it, be direct, be firm, and see if she will continue her corrosive behavior or not. If she does, you have confirmation and, having tried, will not hold regret.

[not quite right]

The pain truth is this situation has no easy answer, and I am unable to let her die without the knowledge that I am there, I love her and I gave her my forgiveness before she fell ill. It's just another trial in my life that I'm bound by my very nature tosee it to the end