[BipolarWarrior92]

Hello, everyone!
My name is Jess. I'm 24 years old, and I'm currently living in a small town in Pennsylvania. After a suicide attempt in 2010, I've been diagnosed with Bipolar I, PTSD, and an anxiety disorder. Over the past few years, I have switched doctors a few times, and I have found that each doctor has their own remedy to a situation. However, the doctor that I am now seeing insists on placing me on Benzos to control anxiety that I suffer around sun down. I've been on Klonopin for over a year, and I've been really worried about the side effects of the drug that I am taking.
About a month ago, I read an article on Reddit that explained how individuals taking benzos for a prolonged period of time, (3+ months), are more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease and dementia. I've seen the ugliest parts of these illnesses, and I pray to God everyday that I do not end up with one of those illnesses.
I've been reading a book my Edward H. Drummond called "Overcoming Anxiety without Tranquilizers." I haven't gotten too far, but I'm working on discovering new techniques to handle my anxiety and I hope that one day, I can leave my Benzo days behind and cope on my own.

Do you have anxiety? Are you taking Benzos? How do you cope on your own?

Much love,
Jess

[Blue_Bird]

Hi BipolarWarrior92, I'm on Klonopin. I take it as needed. I am working on developing more coping skills to try and deal with my anxiety though, journaling helps me a lot. There's a self help workbook a bought awhile ago that has really good reviews, I will be working on it soon. It has a lot of good breathing exercises. It's called "Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life".

One exercise my last therapist had me do is something she printed off from a workbook she had. It was making a list of anxiety inducing situations. Starting at with the number 5 being the least amount of anxiety (but still makes you anxious) going in increments of 5, the more anxiety the higher the number.

Example:
5 Leaving the house
10 Saying hi to a stranger
15 Going to the store by yourself

and so on up to 100.

Then you try to slowly work on each item.

Another thing is to ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen?"
In a situation like having to make a phone call for example, you may think the person will be annoyed you called them, but you should tell yourself "most people would appreciate a phone call" "The worst that will happen will be they hang up on me or say they're busy" The point is to challenge illogical thoughts with more rational ones.

Sorry for rambling, hope something I wrote can be of help

-Take care,

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Hi BipolarWarrior92, I'm on Klonopin. I take it as needed. I am working on developing more coping skills to try and deal with my anxiety though, journaling helps me a lot. There's a self help workbook a bought awhile ago that has really good reviews, I will be working on it soon. It has a lot of good breathing exercises. It's called "Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life".

One exercise my last therapist had me do is something she printed off from a workbook she had. It was making a list of anxiety inducing situations. Starting at with the number 5 being the least amount of anxiety (but still makes you anxious) going in increments of 5, the more anxiety the higher the number.

Example:
5 Leaving the house
10 Saying hi to a stranger
15 Going to the store by yourself

and so on up to 100.

Then you try to slowly work on each item.

Another thing is to ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen?"
In a situation like having to make a phone call for example, you may think the person will be annoyed you called them, but you should tell yourself "most people would appreciate a phone call" "The worst that will happen will be they hang up on me or say they're busy" The point is to challenge illogical thoughts with more rational ones.

Sorry for rambling, hope something I wrote can be of help

-Take care,

Thank you so much! I will be checking out that workbook myself. It's really interesting how you can make a list and go by fives to 100. I really like that concept, and it's a smooth operation, taking things one step at a time. It's great to hear that I am not alone in this struggle, and that others are also taking Benzos and trying to find ways to cope on their own. You've really given me light in a dark situation. Thank you so much.

Much Love,
-Jess

[Angelique67]

Please read up on Klonopin withdrawal before you decide to go off. I was forced off and I'm going through hell. I hate for anyone to go through this. There are ways you can do it easier than I got to. (Titrating off)

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Please read up on Klonopin withdrawal before you decide to go off. I was forced off and I'm going through hell. I hate for anyone to go through this. There are ways you can do it easier than I got to. (Titrating off)

First off, BIG HUGS, I've been in withdrawal situations like that before and I know they are terrible. I've felt very sick, almost like I drank too much the night before. I know how bad it can get, and I promise you I will look up the withdrawal symptoms before I decide to let go of the med. My doctor is very good at just letting me wean myself off, so that's what I will do.

Make sure you are eating properly and get lots of rest until the symptoms start subsiding. I'm so sorry for your troubles, and I wish there was more I could do or say. Good luck.

[Angelique67]

Thank you BipolarWarrior! I'm still struggling, on my 19th month I guess. I try to eat healthy but I'm housebound so I can't get fresh produce much.

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Thank you BipolarWarrior! I'm still struggling, on my 19th month I guess. I try to eat healthy but I'm housebound so I can't get fresh produce much.

Oh no, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. I've learned that eating is essential in letting go of a med. I also take a daily multivitamin. I've spoiled myself with the gummy ones though, and I feel like I have a lot more energy and I'm just feeling more revitalized. Are the symptoms you are mentioning including vomiting? That's the worst part when you're trying to keep vitamins in your system. Stay hydrated too! Lots of water!

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Thank you BipolarWarrior! I'm still struggling, on my 19th month I guess. I try to eat healthy but I'm housebound so I can't get fresh produce much.

You can also contact your local pharmacist and ask for advice on how to cope. Even contact your doctor. It makes it much easier to let go. Though, I am shocked that your doctor just pulled you off without weaning. That's so sad.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by BipolarWarrior92

You can also contact your local pharmacist and ask for advice on how to cope. Even contact your doctor. It makes it much easier to let go. Though, I am shocked that your doctor just pulled you off without weaning. That's so sad.

They weaned but it was much too fast. I didn't have a doctor, just nurses.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by BipolarWarrior92

Oh no, that's terrible. I'm so sorry. I've learned that eating is essential in letting go of a med. I also take a daily multivitamin. I've spoiled myself with the gummy ones though, and I feel like I have a lot more energy and I'm just feeling more revitalized. Are the symptoms you are mentioning including vomiting? That's the worst part when you're trying to keep vitamins in your system. Stay hydrated too! Lots of water!

The vomiting was in the first couple of months. I often feel nauseated but I haven't done violent vomiting, but sometimes I'll get reflux where it goes in my mouth or sinuses. I have vitamins but I have trouble remembering to take them! I'm glad you're sounding you're coping pretty well!

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

They weaned but it was much too fast. I didn't have a doctor, just nurses.

Ohh boy. That's not good. Have you told them that the weaning process was much too fast for you? Maybe they can help.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by BipolarWarrior92

Ohh boy. That's not good. Have you told them that the weaning process was much too fast for you? Maybe they can help.

Thanks, no, I tried to tell them. They just wrote "drug seeking behavior" on my chart. It was March of '13 so it's been awhile, but the symptoms don't just go away. Was on Benzos for 30 years. At my highest dosages on 13 & 14 mg of Klonopin per day. I never should have come off a dose of say 2 mg per day. Should have been maintained on that the rest of my life.

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

The vomiting was in the first couple of months. I often feel nauseated but I haven't done violent vomiting, but sometimes I'll get reflux where it goes in my mouth or sinuses. I have vitamins but I have trouble remembering to take them! I'm glad you're sounding you're coping pretty well!

Oh boy. That really stinks. I would be disgusted if I had to deal with that. I know you're feeling physically sick, but how are you coping emotionally? Do you find that you are better off without the Klonopin, or does it feel like you still need it?

I am coping fairly well, thank you! I've just been keeping busy when I need to, and it's really only at night that I get hit with the tidal wave of anxiety. Otherwise, I'm okay. Thank heavens, I am not a victim of social anxiety or anything like that. I feel terrible for those who suffer with such a terrible illness. Though I do have Bipolar Disorder, a touch of OCD, PTSD, and an anxiety disorder, I still feel fortunate to be alive and to have a chance to change the lives of others with my experiences. Maybe one day, I will make it easier for someone that is truly struggling as I am. But for now, I believe that I am blessed to be alive, and I know that God has kept me here on earth for a reason.

The only time that I truly find myself in the dumps is when my PTSD kicks in and I have a nightmare. They don't just occur during the night either. Sometimes I'll be taking a mid day nap and I'll wake up in a cold sweat, just shaking and at times I even break down and cry. It's a tough thing to live with, but I fair very well. I've been crying less, and coping more. To me, pain is weakness leaving the body, and each day becomes easier. With a mental illness, one day at a time is the easiest way for me.

What are some coping skills that you use to overcome anxiety and panic attacks?

[Angelique67]

I have been sitting on my bed for 18 months, that's my whole coping mechanism. I wish I had better news to report but it's been unbelievably hard for me. I crave the drug almost every day. I'm having a "good" day today where I don't feel like I could inject it into a vein if I had any, lol. But that would change if I were forced to do anything at all.

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I have been sitting on my bed for 18 months, that's my whole coping mechanism. I wish I had better news to report but it's been unbelievably hard for me. I crave the drug almost every day. I'm having a "good" day today where I don't feel like I could inject it into a vein if I had any, lol. But that would change if I were forced to do anything at all.

Oh no. That's not good at all. How do you feel about leisure activities? If you're doing something that you like, does it change the feeling at all?

I'm only on about 1.5mg a day, so when I don't have it, I'm not suffering REALLY bad. But recently, I've taken myself down to 1.0mg flat. I want to slow down on the med. I know I was dizzy for a little while, and I felt nauseous. I still get that feeling around the time that I take it, but I'm sticking to the 1.0mg. Two of those suckers is good enough for me. I don't want to be taking more. I'm doing my best to cope with the anxiety that I get without it, but it can be tough, so I know where you're coming from.

"Drug seeking behavior?" That's a little crazy. I would be very upset with my doctor if she told me that. That's just wrong. They should realize how hard it is for us patients to get off of such a drug. I feel terrible for you. I truly do.

Now I wish I was never put on this drug, It sounds like more of a problem than it does any good.

Hugs.

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Thanks, no, I tried to tell them. They just wrote "drug seeking behavior" on my chart. It was March of '13 so it's been awhile, but the symptoms don't just go away. Was on Benzos for 30 years. At my highest dosages on 13 & 14 mg of Klonopin per day. I never should have come off a dose of say 2 mg per day. Should have been maintained on that the rest of my life.

Its CRAZY how doctors will label you as "drug seeking" when you're not! I hate to say it, but you've gotta be pretty savvy when going to a doctor looking for benzodiazepines. (No, I am not advocating their abuse!) It sucks that one doctor will push you on them and get you to a point of dependency but then if you lose that doctor (you move, they move, whatever) and need to find another, you can't even ASK for benzos without being labeled as "drug seeking". I'm fortunate to have a doctor that trusts me and knows that Ativan is one of the few drugs that works for me, so he has no problem prescribing it. He knows I am not abusing it as I take far less than I need. Actually, his only complaint is that I don't think to take it when I really need it! (No, he isn't pushing them on me, rather knows that I am adverse to getting hooked so try to handle my anxiety on my own when I should be getting relief from medication.)

[ChipperMonkey]

Jess,
Are you taking Klonopin every day? Or just as needed? I think that benzos can be a lifesafer for those of us with anxiety issues, but they should only be taken as needed if at all possible. Klonopin has a longer half life and stays in your system longer. I was SUPER sensitive to it as even a small dose would give me horrendous depression. I'm now on Ativan which has a shorter half life, and I like it a lot better. I guess I don't understand why you would need Klonopin if you just have evening anxiety?

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I've been/am on Xanax, Klonopin, and Valium. I try not to take them everyday. To cope with anxiety, I call my T's office after hours to listen to her voice on the answering machine. I find it soothing. Good luck!

[Disorder7]

I know this probably doesn't help anyone going through withdrawals, but when you feel nauseous chew ginger.
I learned this from a chemo patient who had stage 4 liver cancer. Ginger really does work better than anything.

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Jess,
Are you taking Klonopin every day? Or just as needed? I think that benzos can be a lifesafer for those of us with anxiety issues, but they should only be taken as needed if at all possible. Klonopin has a longer half life and stays in your system longer. I was SUPER sensitive to it as even a small dose would give me horrendous depression. I'm now on Ativan which has a shorter half life, and I like it a lot better. I guess I don't understand why you would need Klonopin if you just have evening anxiety?

Hello ChipperMonkey!
Yes, I take Klonopin every night; a very small dose. I am down to 1.0mg of the drug and I am very controlled about how I use it. The anxiety that I face each night can be very horrendous, and at times I end up having panic attacks. I just haven't found exactly what the trigger of the anxiety is. It actually started as feelings of RLS. I felt that I couldn't fall asleep without moving my legs and if I didn't keep moving my legs until I fell asleep, I couldn't sleep at all and I was very agitated.
At first, my doctor put me on a small dose of RLS medication. I can't recall the name of it, but it seemed to do the trick with my legs. I just couldn't calm down and every night I would find myself freaking out. I even got nasty with my boyfriend and I refused to be touched, as I like to do things on my own. My doctor prescribed me Klonopin at .05mg at first, then upped it to one more pill (another .05 dosage.) When I told her that I was still panicking, she upped it to a third pill, (now 1.5mg.) However, I've been trying to cut back so I don't get too addicted, if "too" is a word that could be used.

It actually does help, and I want to gently wean myself off it. If I still have panicking issues now that I am in a better standing with myself, then I know that I need it for a little while longer. But, I do wish to get off of it at some point. Especially because of the studies that I read about. I don't believe everything I read on the internet, but this I do.

[BipolarWarrior92]

Originally Posted by Disorder7

I know this probably doesn't help anyone going through withdrawals, but when you feel nauseous chew ginger.
I learned this from a chemo patient who had stage 4 liver cancer. Ginger really does work better than anything.

That is actually very interesting! I'll have to try that! Thank you so much!