[lucami]

hey guys, for like a whole week I'm waking up in middle of the night, feeling unreal, 'not there', but last night besides this and creepy thoughts I had very very heavy feeling like something is pushing be to jump over balcony and kill myself.. I don't want to die, thoughts and feelings like this makes me freak out, I was so scared, my heart was beating like crazy, but had this feeling about hour, till I got asleep again.. I felt even like my floor, bed would be sloping and it was pushing me to suicide, I was so scared that I could lost last piece of myself and do it :c Do you think feelings like this can be because of anxiety neurosis panic attacks, stress, or my mind is going really rally crazy ? ;c

[lucami]

77 views and no reply... ;c

It sounds exactly like an anxiety attack. Was it easy to fall back asleep?

[avlady]

yes an anxiety attack maybe

[truebliever]

Hi Lucami.Please don't do anything to hurt yourself.You had a bad panic attack,with anxiety.I've been having those and thought about doing something worse to myself.I know for myself mines is coming from stress on top of stress,as you can tell I didn't hurt myself.Even yesterday I felt weird.We will get through this.

[CosmicRose]

Thoughts can do that to you. Its like a snow-ball effect. You're going along for the ride, feeling unable to control your thoughts, but that's just because the thoughts you're having are freaking you out and you feel like you can't stop them or change them but you can. It takes effort, but you can. Your thoughts do not control you, nor do they control your actions. You are in control. Don't fear your thoughts, because you're creating a snowball effect out of them. Next time you feel that afraid, do things to calm you down specifically, like light some candles that you buy today or tomorrow at a store, light some incense or take a hot bath with bubbles. Brew some hot tea on the stove or give yourself thirty minutes of relaxing meditation time by turning on some calming ambiance music or listen to nature sounds such as lapping ocean waves or birds chirping in a forest.

[lucami]

thanks guys for all replies..

George H. I don't know, I was too scared and tired and I don't remember..

truebliever yesterday I would say that I have this feelings, but I don't want to hurt myself, I want live, want be finally happy, I never tried even cut myself or something, I fear this... had panic attack at evening that I felt so hard that I thought I should scream 'take me to mental hospital' but my friend was here and after talking with him and herbs about 2h later I calmed down.. But today, after another morning full of fights and crying, I feel like my life is pointless, whatever I do, say, I'm always end up as thing that exist only like something to be bullied..

CosmicRose I don't have a power to change my thoughts anymore.. besides this thoughts I have ocd too and in my mind there's a lots of thoughts about being possessed, shatans, stuff and I can't control it no matter how I try... I can't even listen to music now because my mother yelled at me that she will throw my pc i I won't turn it off... or an't make a tea when I had one coz 'it's expensive'... I have candle lighting already, that's the only thing I can do, watch it and play with flame.. and I bit burned my nails now thanks to this.. and my mind is saying to me that I should eat candle or sth and end everything...

What have I done to deserve such cruel life, such f*cked up family...

[lucami]

feeling like killing myself again... no thoughts in mind, just feelings... couldn't get myself to get up from bed for like 3h and feeling so unreal... which leads me to suicide feelings...