[Wolfie17]

I was told I have anxiety initiated by a panic attack I had in September this year. That panic attack made me have more panic attacks because I was worrying about how I felt and it was just a vicious circle. I researched anxiety quite a lot and success stories of those that overcame it. Through my research, I decided to use positive thinking and ignoring my physical symptoms by reminding myself that they'd pass. Rather than tell the story of my self-talk, I'm going to cut to the chase. I have a fear of going emotionally numb or having a mental illness (not anxiety).

Ever since my self-talk moment, I feel like I don't experience negative emotions for as long as I used to. When someone irritates me, I will tell them to stop but there's not the usual anger associated with it. Usually when my siblings annoy me, I will feel irritated for a while but now I instantly recover. I tell them to stop in an angry voice but there's no anger feeling associated with it. The other day we were planning on getting this amazing dog at the animal shelter but someone beat us to her. Usually I'd tear up because I'm sensitive and feel disappointed all day but nope, I felt the disappointment but quickly recovered. I just thought "oh well, we'll find another husky eventually". I feel like I have no worries and it's been three days since I've started trying to stay positive. I feel like it shouldn't be this easy. Usually writing posts like this when I'm worried about something made me have an anxious feeling but I feel nothing. It's odd. I also have had this for a while but combined with the "no worries" feeling, it concerns me greatly..my body feels like air. I'm also consciously aware of my breathing so it probably adds to it but usually when I breathe, I can feel it in my chest but now I feel nothing. It's hard to describe. It's like my whole body is numb. I'm also consciously aware of my thoughts so it makes my head feel numb since I'm so aware of the act of thinking, that I notice that when we think, it is words but we don't hear them. It's like I listen to my thoughts intently but I can't hear them so it feels so weird. Before my panic attack, my mind would never shut up and it took forever for me to fall asleep. Now I feel like my mind has nothing to think about besides how I feel.

Does anyone here experience any of this as anxiety? I'm worried I'm going or already am emotionally numb or have developed a mental illness. I used to not want to go places or do anything but now I feel like I can and actually do, happily. Another thing that makes me believe there's something wrong is that I broke up with my boyfriend because he's into bad things and actually felt happy to leave him. After telling him, I didn't feel bad or anything like I usually would when I'd attempt to break up with him. I just felt happy and could continue on with my life. When people tell me bad things, I usually get offended but now I don't feel anything. I just figure that they're childish or that they're having a bad day and move on. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Sorry if I'm asking a stupid question. I know you guys experience a lot of bad things and here I am being concerned over actually feeling happy.

[pegasus]

Hello Wolfie17, welcome to Psych Central.

The emotional numbing you are describing is what I call, 'Robot mode' basically the brain protects you by going into a none feeling mode when you are overloaded. It is common with people who have depression and anxiety.

You have some good decisions being made above, yes you will get another dog and your decision to leave your boyfriend is a good thing. So you are making good decisions, just lacking the emotions right now.

It would be good to seek support through your doctor with regards to your anxiety.

[JadeAmethyst]

I can relate to what you are saying. Congratulations, it sounds like you are making some real progress in making healthy choices and recovering...
The numbness takes practice to work with, please be gentle in your healing times ahead.

Jade