My Biggest Fear: All Good Things Will Turn Bad

So, I tried to sum things up in the title of this post. What is happening is, although really only good things happen, nothing horrible has happened in a long time, I'm in constant fear that "the other shoe will drop" and all my good will turn to horrible. Like if I have some bad karma or the universe is going to pull some horrible prank on me.

Of course when I go through an actual bad time, I'm so scared of the worst, but things never turn out too bad to handle. It's awful that I can't just enjoy the good things, live more in the moment, without worrying constantly that it's all going to fall apart.

I think this is because I'm bipolar and I'm so used to every up having a down and vice versa. I've gone through some terrible times in my life and I'm always waiting for things to go back to the bad old days.

Anybody else go through these types of feelings/anxiety?

i completely understand this and so agree it is from the bipolar. i was a rapid cycler and was pretty much on a fixed schedule to where i may have less than three months out of the year of "normal" time. and it is true, you could never trust feeling good cause it was always going to come crashing down, you didnt know when, but it was always, always going to unravel on you. i would drive my t up the wall after i stabilized cause i would panic, "may is coming, may is coming, im going to get manic"........he never believed my cycle theory. (what did he know....i lived with myself for thirty years, he got to me after drugs...lol

Hello Bipolartist: From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though what you're experiencing isn't that much different from what most people experience... perhaps somewhat more extreme. The fear of the unknown is deeply rooted. I certainly have it even though, for the most part, I know it is unfounded.

Mindfulness meditation is certainly a good practice to employ with this regard. The teachings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön are particularly apropos. One of her books is even appropriately titled: Comfortable With Uncertainty. One must learn to "hold one's seat" (maintain equanimity) in the face of uncertainty. This is, however, not a skill that comes naturally to most people. And it can take a long time & allot of work to develop. But, as Pema teaches, we don't concern ourselves with how long it takes. We just do the work day-after-day. If it takes forever, it takes forever. My best wishes to you...

Yes the feeling of "the other shoe dropping" is very scary. No one knows their future. No one knows what's going to happen. Even the most successful people fear this. Because no one is guaranteed smooth sailing. The seas of life are unpredictable.

Yes! I definitely have felt that when things are going well, something bad is going to happen to "even things out." I find that being grateful for everything good in my life is helpful.

Thanks for this post! Great stuff! Buddha taught that there is no constant in the universe except impermanence.

I get that too. Whenever things are going well, I feel like I'm always looking over my shoulder, always waiting for something bad to come along and ruin everything. As a result, I feel like I can't really enjoy anything because I'm so determined it's going to go bad. I almost feel better when things aren't going so well because that's how it feels like it's "supposed to be". At least in my life.

I think, for me, this comes from being an ACoA. In the book I've been reading recently it talked about how many ACoA's adhere to a crisis oriented way of living, so even when everything's fine, the subconscious will automatically look for bad things that are about to happen. This comes from being brought up in a consistently unstable, unsafe environment.

I remember growing up, good things always seemed to go bad really quickly because of my families unstable and dysfunctional way of existing. Whenever there was an event or we tried to do something fun as a family, it seemed like everything always ended up with yelling and fighting. As a result, I think grew up expecting everything to turn out badly. And in adult life, I could never enjoy anything because I was always waiting for something bad to happen to ruin it. And if nothing bad happened, I would work something up in my head after the fact and make myself feel bad about something I said or did so I never came out of a good experience feeling good. It's not as bad as it was anymore, thankfully. Well, it fluctuates. I can let go and enjoy myself for short periods of time. Family gatherings and such. But if things in life in general start going unusually well for a long period of time I start to worry. If something unusually good happens that I should be ecstatic about I can't enjoy it because I'm not used to that sort of thing. I try to, but it just feels so unnatural. I automatically think something bad is set up in my future to "balance out" the good stuff. And if I wait long enough, and let myself think on these terms, I'm usually "proven right". Though I try not to think like this anymore. Things happen, good and bad, all the time. Life is a roller coaster, with ups and downs. That's just life, and that's something I'm trying to understand and learn how to accept the good times with the bad and live in the moment without worry. Easier said than done though.

Thanks everyone for your responses! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way (of course, on here I discover I'm never alone).

On this I found so interesting was a Psych Central article just posted yesterday, 27 Twisted Thoughts that Block Happiness.

The first two points were:

1. When I am happy, bad news is coming, because happiness can’t last.

2. When I am happy, I am setting myself up for disappointment.

Wow, we are most certainly not the only ones!

This is every single day for me, I am always worried something bad is going to happen and then panic. At one point I had my anxiety under control. But now it's back with a vengeance.