[EColegrove]

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.

I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost in life, I have no Idea what I'm
Doing or where I'm going. I think my main problem is my anxiety which keeps me from
experiencing opportunities, meeting new people and just getting on with my life. The
other thing would have to just be the lack of knowing the things that interest me,
I mean the only thing that I get enjoyment out of is hanging out with my mate and even
too much of that gets boring, I'm really hoping that all of this is the result of my
anxiety making my life seem sour when I know It's not there are people out there way
worse then me.

I've had my anxiety from around the age of six and its always stopped me from doing
things like school trips, socializing and anything that I wanted to do that I know
would make me anxious. I didn't really get drawn to any particular subjects, making
friends was more important to me because I knew it would make me happy, I would
hang out with friends rather then doing my homework which is why I didn't do so well
in school. And to this day I would still probably hang out with friends then do
work and I hate that way of thinking.

So after school I got a part time job that isn't bad if you like the type of work
but It's not for me. I'm now 20 and I'm pretty much going round in circles as far as careers
go. It'll pretty much go like this, research a career, read up about it and get
exited, anxiety kicks in a throws some worrisome thoughts and scenarios at me,
I get the thought "am I really interested in this to want to do it as a career" and I can't
answer this because I don't know what the career is really like because every time
I look up doing volunteering I get the anxious thoughts and scenarios that hold me
back. I mean I'm interested in health and helping people so I looked up physiotherapy
and I seemed interested in it, but then came the thoughts of

"what if I accidentally injured or killed someone, I might get sent to prison"
how could I do a job with this thought in my mind every day, I'd probably drive myself
crazy worrying if what I did to a patient would injure or kill them.
or
"what if when I volunteer I can't think of anything to say and I just sit there in
awkward silence"
or
"What if the place has lifts and I have to either go in one or say I don't like them
which would make it awkward"
or what If I try all of the careers that seem interesting and I turns out that
actually none of them interest me, then I'll just be stuck at some job I don't even
like. And these things terrify me enough to make just make me retreat and not pursue it further.

I know that all of these things probably stem from the anxiety but I just feel like my
whole perception of life is off. I somehow feel that everything needs to be perfect
for me to be happy, perfect job, perfect friends and I know that this will not happen
and I know that I could be happy in the situation I'm in now, yeah sure it's not ideal
but it's no where near as bad as other peoples situations so why can't I just do that
why can't I just pick a career and go for it, why can't I go out and socialize and
make more friends instead of sitting at home and wishing I had more, why can't I be
someone who would do their homework instead of going out with mates. Is it that I
truly have nothing that interests me outside of socializing because I can't make money
from that. Why am I so awkward why can't I be like a normal person and find a career that
interests me do the training needed, meet people along the way and live a decent life
with a job that interest's me enough to want to do it everyday and friends that I can
have a laugh with. I just relay don't know.

Please if anyone has gone through this please tell me how you did it
because at the moment I just don't know if this is going to end. Also any
advice on what my next steps could be because I really don't know what
to do.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[mountain human]

Have you ever tried exploring these issues with a therapist?

[RedEagle]

Doesn't sound like anxiety, sounds like a self-defeatist attitude. People can be their own worst enemies.

[striking]

NC MHDDSAS: Mental Health Services for Adults

Search for a nearby location and make an appointment.

[CosmicRose]

It's normal to feel scared about starting new life endevours. It's normal to feel anxious about future life goals especially big ones concerning your entire career. You're in charge of your anxiety, don't forget that. Your anxiety does not have the power to hold you back, only you do. There are tons of people out there who are riddled with anxiety, shaking, but they still force themselves to do it. I know it's extremely hard because I also deal with anxiety.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion. It might feel like it has power over you, but it doesn't.

You don't have to deal with patients if you don't want to. You can still work in the health field in another specialized skilled job that doesn't work directly with patients. And you can also go into another field that helps people in other ways. Don't paint yourself into a corner and think, "I have to go into this field, otherwise I'm a failure" the sky is the limit and it takes a lot of job shopping before you find one that fits.
Be open to failure, because even the most intelligent people make silly mistakes now and then.