OCD, anxiety, and a young child

This is my first foray into this forum. I'm usually found in the ADD section.

My son, Mac, is a 7 yr-old first grader. We both have recent ADD dx's. Luckily he's not impared to the point of needing a drug therapy but we're open to it.

Mac goes to an LCSW sometimes with me. I've been seeing my T since September 2006. T's asked if Mac's under any stress. Between his (wonderful!) teacher and us, we've determined he's under some stress. My husband and I find him grinding his teeth in his sleep. He's also wetting the bed more frequently.

Over lunch I told my husband, J, that I believe Mac's wetting the bed more frequently because he knows he can come to bed with us. It's a safe place, sleeping between Mommy and Daddy. Just last night he was sleeping with his head on my chest.

Mac's also developed some very ritualistic behaviors:

* He must feed the cats in the morning in a certain order. We can only assist by carrying the dishes.

* He gets up with J, gets dressed, and insists that he and I wave Daddy off to work at 5:45 AM. If we deviate from this routine on a work/school day Mac gets very upset.

* Mac must buckle in first. If he hears one of us click in first he gets upset until we unbuckle.

* Last Sunday, we were preparing for church. He got extra mad at Daddy for getting dressed first. J reacted by taking off a shoe. I said, "Take off your shirt." Once J did that, Mac calmed down and finished getting dressed.

Also, he's become very attached to stuffed animals again. For awhile he seemed to give them up but since the work load at school picked up he's embraced them again. It's not always the same animal so it's not like a beat-up security blanket.

I'm going to crosspost this in the ADD forum. I'd love to hear some thoughts and shared insight as to what can be troubling a 7 yr-old boy. I'll fill in some blanks later; it's almost time to head home for the day.

I appreciate your help!
<font color="blue">Bloo! </font>

Rituals and schedules are important to any child but when they get out of hand, they can't always be given in to. Like you noticed, he could unconsciously be wetting the bed more to get into bed with mom and dad. The more one gives into a structure of the child's making (which is scary to the child because the adults are supposed to be in charge but aren't!) the worse it will become.

I don't think there's any way to "neatly" fix Mac's problems and make him comfortable again without his becoming more uncomfortable first. But he needs to have the adults set his schedules and adhere to them and not the other way around. A lot of his anxiety could be coming from his being "in charge" and not having adults "stronger" than he is to keep him safe.

Before you avoid his rituals, I'd consult a psych, because behavior therapy (which is what we're talking about) should be done under a psych's care, or advice. It might help if your son can make a list of what causes the least to the most anxiety. You want to start small and work your way up. This will be easier for him.

(((((((((((((((((Bloo))))))))))))))))))
Hey there, you! It's been awhile.

I have to start off by saying that you are an EXCEPTIONAL mommy for treating your son with so much love and care. A lot of parents wouldn't be able to do such a good job with their kids even WITH the knowledge you have, so MAJOR kudos to you for that.

Since I'm not a child psych. and I don't have kids (a good thing at this point, lol), I can't really do more than cheer you on a give support if you need it (you know where to PM me! ^.^). I'm not sure what a LCSW is, but you MIGHT want to consider getting Mac (is that his real name, or is it to go with Bloo? I ask because you don't use your husband's full name, and I know you love the show! ) evaluated by a child psychologist. My parents did when I was little because of a really mean teacher who was convinced I was something of a "problem child", and it actually pointed out some patterns that continue to plague me, but weren't bad enough to fix at the time.

A couple things you should be VERY wary of, though, if you choose this route:
*be careful with psychs who tell you your kid needs drugs. This isn't always the case, and it's especially hard to tell with young children.

*ONLY go to a child psych. who you trust/who has been reccomended to you (forgive me, I had to put this in because of my total mistrust of the whole practice of therapy/psychology/psychiatry in general. )

*TRUST YOUR MOMMY INSTINCTS!! If a DX doesn't feel right to you, make sure before acting on it. There's a difference between going through something hard and doing something wrong for your kid, and you WILL know what it is.

(all of this list, BTW, is based on the way my mother has handled my brother's an my various issues, including many people telling her that the bro. had ADD/ADHD when he didn't, as I've mentioned.)

luck&love,
~muse

Perna's post is right on! Kids learn self control and comfort by having external forces control them, and then slowly internalizing these controls. This is why overly permissive parents tend to have out of control kids. I would also say taking him to a child psychologist is a great idea, and can help alot to work with you and him to begin turning this around.

It sounds a lot like OCD to me. I started having problems with OCD at around 4 and wasn't diagnosed until highschool. I think you should definitely talk to a proffessional about this and get advice. It's really good that you are noticing and picking up on these things.

When I was around 5 I would organize the classroom and the desks had to be straight and lined up and lined up with the carpet seems. I also had to be in the same seat and had ritualistic tendencies at school. You might consider asking his teachers if they've noticed anything. I had a really hard time remembering back to my first grade teacher yelling at me because I was "unflexible". My parents sided with the teacher. It was really tramatic for me because I was "unflexible" because of the compulsions I felt I needed to do. At such a young age I didn't know how to express this to my teachers or my parents.

This is just my experience but I reallydo think you should take him to a child psychologist. They will probably be more experienced in identifying exactly what is wrong and pinpoint what is causing your child so much anxiety, especially if he doesn't know how to explain what's wrong.

I hope you figure out what is going on.

Good luck... and I can't say enough of how good it is of you as a parent to notice these things.

(((((((((hugs)))))))

Oooh, Muse is so right! I believe, with OCD and just about any mental illness, you should try behavior therapy, cognitive therapy or other therapies for that particular problem before trying drug therapy. That is such great advice!

It's so nice to know you agree, Maven! With young kids that's especially true. I'm rather strong opinioned on this issue because I've "lost" friends to prescription drugs before--that is, they were medicated so heavily that it had highly detrimental effects on their personalities/lifestyles, and they were just never the same.

Hehe, not to hijack the thread, though. BLOOOOOO... how have things been going with Mac? Any news from the homefront?