[annoyedgrunt84]

I nearly have myself worked up I to a panic attack. I just keep thinking about how I have made mistakes and there's no turning back. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. Why can't I ever learn a lesson until it's too late? I feel like I need to cry but I can't why is that? I'm so scared of the future. I know people will just say "Well sucks to be you dude" if I try to open up to them about this I carry all of this shame and guilt. I couldn't ask for help when I needed it and now I'm afraid it's too late.

[Stormie_Lee]

I'm really sorry that you feel like this. It's no fun to think about everything you did wrong and what it could do to you in the future. I have these feelings too sometimes, but what i do to ''feel better'' is think about what i want to do in the future. For instance I want to graduate college, and go on to graduate school to get a PhD in Biology or Chemistry, and either go into epidemiology or marine biology. When i think about these things it makes me forget about all of the mistakes that i've made.

If you need anyone to talk to, i will be here to listen!

I know people say this a lot on this forum, but do you have a therapist or counselor or other person to talk to about this?

If you're trying to talk to a friend about something like this, it's hard to know who will be receptive to listening to it. Plus, you're likely to need to talk about it more than one time.

Fear of the future is something that I deal with, too. It took me quite a while to get up the courage to even bring up the subject with my therapist.

I hope that you find someone that you can discuss this with.

[annoyedgrunt84]

I have been trying to work up the courage to call my GP and tell him I need to go back on meds. I looked into online therapy but that didn't get me very far. I went by a clinic in my area but they have closed down. I don't know what to do on the therapy front.

Did you look at 7 Cups of Tea? I haven't used it, but I've seen positive comments from people on this forum who have tried it. It's not staffed by therapists, but by "trained listeners". You can say specifically what you want to talk about to help you get matched with a listener.

[annoyedgrunt84]

I've heard of 7 cups of tea before but I have never tried it. I also get very anxious because I wonder how much of my problem might just be my personality and if it's just my personality how much is it under my own control? Could things have worked out differently even if I had had a time machine and gone to see the future?

[CosmicRose]

It's never too late. This is why its very important to take life one day at a time. Do not overload yourself with what-if scenarios and things you can't know or see yet. Life is unpredictable and while that may be scary, it's also a good thing. It leaves room for miracles to happen and unexpected events that are positive. Enjoy the ride. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone wishes they could go back and change things. It's going to be okay. Love yourself enough to know that, deep down, it will be okay. You can handle whatever happens. Because you have handled whatever has happened.

[annoyedgrunt84]

And my GP clinic is closed so I couldn't even make an appointment to see him.

[annoyedgrunt84]

I'm just scared of my future, like I wish everything could just slow down or even stop until I catch up. I worry that my mind is just shredded to tatters. I can't believe I'm 31 years old that's the age adults used to be, now I'm an adult, I guess I don't feel like an adult I still feel like a that scared 17 year old kid who was the very last of his Junior class to turn in his enrollment for senior year, because he was scared of the future. The last of my grandparents died a little over a year ago. Did that trigger some sort of existential crisis? But I was struggling nearly 2 years before that, I was struggling at least back to the fall of '09. I lost that job, I have a trail of missed opportunities behind me. I'm just tired I guess, didn't sleep well last night. I'm just typing out a stream of consciousness now.

[LifeGetsBetter]

I hope you'll call your GP and get a referral. You'll feel much better after taking this first step. Best wishes to you.

It's never too late to ask for help. You did it just now. We are here, we are listening.

Get yourself the help you need. I'm sorry you are hurting and hope you feel better soon.

((HUGS))

[annoyedgrunt84]

I have started using an online counseling service, my GP is out if town until next week but I'm still going g to make an appointment as soon as he gets back in town.

[LifeGetsBetter]

Keep us posted, OK?

[annoyedgrunt84]

I think my greatest fear is that this is just the way I am. Like I have this genetic vulnerability to anxiety and depression and it will forever control the rest of my life.

[LifeGetsBetter]

I feel like that too. I think I'm just hard-wired this way and it will never change. All I can do is try to cope.

[gayleggg]

I feel like I've made mistakes that will have dire consequences on the rest of my life. I'm not looking forward to facing the future. So I can sympathize.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[LifeGetsBetter]

I think of the bad choices I made in my life as "wreckage from my past". I'm often haunted by this wreckage and can't change anything. I'm told that I have to accept the past, learn from my mistakes and focus on doing the next right thing. I am pretty old now so my future isn't that long.

[annoyedgrunt84]

I just walked across the street to the school because my Dad keeps dropping hints that he wants me to apply for the science teacher job there. I feel so scared right now, what if I fail again? What if the stress triggers another meltdown? Why does this have to be so hard? I'm petrified with fear about the future. I'm so Nihlistic about life itself right now. What's going to happen to me?

[Smileonmyface]

me too. i don't feel capable of change and i wonder if one day i will drive everyone i love away. if i am enough for them the way i am. i often wonder what my husband even sees in me.

[LifeGetsBetter]

I have learned that the "What-Ifs" are worse than the real thing. The What-Ifs still scare me though

[CosmicRose]

I've made some mistakes in my past too, part of it from being stupid and young, and part of it being from my trauma in childhood. It has made me a stronger person, I don't think many people would have been able to handle the things I've been through. Some days I feel about as thin as a porcelain doll, ready to crack, other days I'm completely fine and feel good about everything. It changes.

i've always said that the 1 thing i'm afraid of more than anything else is growing old, and having nothing to show for my life.

and that's what's happening to me right in front of my eyes.

certainly does produce a lot of anxiety

[misslabarinth]

I am not particularly the same way, however i do understand where you are coming from. And it is not to late, it is never to late.
Take care
~
MissLabarinth