[MPWCCP]

I had a bit of a freak out a few months back after smoking a joint. I had a bit of an auditory hallucination (my own voice screaming in my head) and I think it triggered a panic attack. Looking back though, weed had made me anxious leading up to that so I should have heeded the warnings. I won't ever touch it again, of that I have no doubt. Anyway the panic attack was the single scariest thing to ever happen to me. I thought I was going to end up in a psychiatric ward and never be able to see anyone I loved ever again. I curled up on my kitchen floor alone, just praying for it to end (as a devout atheist).

Since then, I have been alright, but I have had little sharp flashes of fear, where I am petrified there is something wrong with me, I have flipped a switch somewhere along the way and I'm going to go through it again. I had been getting little phases of what I THINK is anxiety but having never really suffered from it officially, I don't really know. I was hungover on Sunday and this got progressively worse. "Just grin and bear it" I thought. Well its Wednesday now and I still have it. It's been ****ing with me for 50% of every day since, at least. The hangover is long gone and the anxiety remains. Again, just an innate fear that the original auditory hallucination would occur again. Deep down, it got a small taste of what schizophrenia would be like and it terrified me.

I've had a lot going on in my life recently, which funnily enough I haven't consciously been overly concerned about. By that I mean I haven't necessarily found myself sitting worrying about any of it like I thought I might have. I don't like whinging either as **** happens in life but I think its time I addressed some potential sources of stress as it may be causing this current episode. In the last 6 months:

- My girlfriend experienced psychosis and attacked me twice, once having to get the police out to my house. We have since called it a day as, ironically, I sought to protect my daughter from being exposed it all (she never was, but just in case)
- My Mum's been diagnosed with secondary cancer. It's not curable but it is treatable (to try and control its growth) although the doctor said "It could be months, it could be years" so that's been rattling around up there a bit.
- My daughters Mum tried to stop me seeing my daughter. I have (or had) her 3 nights a week for years. This one in particular I know has effed with me. Thankfully she doesn't have a leg to stand on as she's admitted in messages to me that the only reasoning is because my daughter is closer to me and it annoys her.

While the above are significant things in my life, what I find surprising is that they are NOT the things i'm anxious about, at least not consciously. It's very much a looming fear of the first attack happening again, which is why someones mention of PTSD relating to a bad anxiety attack, struck a chord. Any advice would be appreciated.

I've made an appointment to see my GP on Monday, so hopefully it'll calm down between now and then and they can help me towards a course of action. In the mean time i'm not drinking caffeine, not drinking alcohol, not smoking cigarettes (I only smoked a couple a week anyway) as they have all made it worse.

Any advice from you guys?

[mazing]

We can't obviously diagnose here but it does sound like some form of anxiety. It is completely understandable after having an experience like you had that you wouldn't want to feel that way again but the ongoing anxiety is obviously impacting on your life and has become more significant.

I think talking to your GP would be a great first step. They can probably give you some suggestions, assurances that you are ok and refer on to a therapist who can help you work through everything that's going on right now - it's enough to make anyone worry. I'm sorry to hear that you have had so much happening. Hopefully having someone to talk to you will be a first step into working through it.

[MPWCCP]

Originally Posted by mazing

We can't obviously diagnose here but it does sound like some form of anxiety. It is completely understandable after having an experience like you had that you wouldn't want to feel that way again but the ongoing anxiety is obviously impacting on your life and has become more significant.

I think talking to your GP would be a great first step. They can probably give you some suggestions, assurances that you are ok and refer on to a therapist who can help you work through everything that's going on right now - it's enough to make anyone worry. I'm sorry to hear that you have had so much happening. Hopefully having someone to talk to you will be a first step into working through it.

Thanks. It's slowly coming under control a bit more each day I think, although still persistent. I want to get to the root of the problem though to prevent it happening again as this week has been just horrible. I haven't been able to focus on my work at all, and I couldn't continue on in my job like this. I'm hoping some counselling and possibly some meditation might help me deal with stress and anxiety better.

[squishsquash]

Aww that sounds terrible! Panic attacks can be so scary. I had a marijuana induced panic attack when I was younger that messed me up for about a month! It sounds like you are under a lot of stress, and weather you are aware of it or not, your body is. I think the most important thing to do is know that many people have panic attacks and the number one thing I would suggest is learning not to be afraid of them. There are many helpful books on this. If you accept that you may have a panic attack and lean things you can do to get through it ( deep breathing, self soothing, telling yourself it will pass etc.) It will lessen your anxiety in general. I hope things get better!

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