[CosmicRose]

I spent 5-6 hours at a hospital across town today for a cystoscopy procedure. Its not an intense procedure, it just took a very long time from the point that I arrived until the time I got to go home. I was already having more anxiety than usual because of this.

When I got home, my neighbor who was outside, graciously left me something on my front door. He asked me if I got it and I said oh that was you? thank you! but my response was very short, not as personable as I would have liked to have been. But immediately when he shouted out to me, my anxiety sky rocketed and I felt the "fight or flight response" kicking in, making me feel like I had to get out of that situation immediately.

He paused and just said "You're welcome." but I could tell by his voice that I probably sounded a little rude by how short my response was. Maybe I'm just imagining it, but I just don't think I come across as very friendly with my anxiety. There always seems to be like a wall between me and the other person, I'm sure they can sense my uncomfortable need to leave.

Earlier, the doctor had made a joke and the nurse laughed, I didn't hear the joke but didn't want to ask him to repeat it so I didn't laugh, he just looked at me almost waiting for a response, which probably made me seem rude because I didn't react.

These situations are all due to my anxiety. I even had a friend call me "snobby" once, which really hurt because that's not who I am at all.

Does anyone else relate to this? People who don't experience anxiety probably just think I'm rude or snobby and it sucks. I don't know how to stop doing this.

[MoxieDoxie]

Yes, this is actually a common theme. As we try to control our inner experience our outer persona takes a back seat. It takes great control and acting skills to make sure we are doing all the accetable social norms not to be labled as a *****ed, snobby, rude, aloof, or apathetic. I have learned to stop and think, "What response do I think that person needs to feel good and not think ill of me?", "You catch more flies with sugar than vinegar.", "I might need this persons help one day." These thoughts shape my response and if I do not hear someone I absolutely tell them that I missed what they said. Thinking that someone is ignoring you sets off unwanted feelings and thoughts. Of course all of these are skills that you must practice to make them fluid and automatic. It was a long hard journey and there are times I slip up.

[sirkgnik]

I am so glad I read this. I get like this at work sometimes. Everything is changing (how the work is done, where I am sitting, etc.) Plus I was out for 4 month due yo my mental health and am just getting back into the swing of things. So everything is flux and causing great anxiety/panic. I know people think I am being snappy and rude, but honestly I am just wired so tight right now. I have to really try to take a deep breath before I open my mouth. I do often apologize afterwards and explain I was just stressed and sorry for being so short. Yet, on the same hand I get angry that these people do not understand I do not mean anything by it (it is a school special education department and you would thing they would relate to mental health issues). In the end, it is up to us to make the changes though. Just have to try really, really hard. Have a great day

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I find this can very easily happen when you are preoccupied and caught unawares. It is difficult, but I am trying to make it my SOP to buy time to get my thoughts in order, and say 'Hello Neighbour, how are you today?', and then make the appropriate gracious response (or as near as you can get).

But, for what it is worth, I don't think an understanding neighbour would take too much upset from your response.

[Perna]

Unfortunately, the only way I know to help other people not come to the wrong conclusion about us is to share ourselves with them. When the neighbor shouted out to you, saying something like, "Oh, hi! You scared me" will clue him in to go slower or quieter, establish communication, and give yourself a bit of rest and comfort so you can orient yourself to everything's-okay-so-far-it's-just-the-nice-neighbor. Acknowledging I am scared or anxious helps the other person and myself get that out of the way so I can better concentrate on what the moment is actually about. Depending on who someone is to you, you might want to add something about the long, scary procedure you just had at the doctor's and "apologize if I seem short," but you'd like to go in and lie down. The neighbor obviously cares for you, hence the gift and sharing a bit of yourself with them can be your gift in return. If you don't like the neighbor, think they are in your business too much then you don't mind seeming rude or short politely, to discourage them, and you do the minimum, "thank you" response, smile, wave distractedly and go inside.

[Lynizle]

Yes this happens to me as well! I always suspect that people think I am really rude because of my anxiety.

Just the other day at the thrift store, I picked up a desk chair and I was struggling to put it in my car..This really nice man came over and helped me...All I said was "Thank you" but kinda in a nervous/rude voice..I felt so bad because I know he thought I was being snobby and probably expected him to do that.. When reallly, I was so thankful he did that.

The problem is that if you keep it short you will be viewed as rude, but if you talk while you are anxious just to show others you are not rude, probably you will make fun of yourself or be actually rude as a means not intention, like to say things with anger. I have been in both situations. So, I prefer to be silent and away rather than making fun of myself and making enemies.

You could tell your neighbor when you see him again "Thanks so much for the X that you left for me - I didn't say much at the time because I had had a bad day/been at the hospital for an outpatient procedure" or however much detail you feel like giving him.

More people than you think probably recognize the anxiety behind your abruptness.

[Fuzzybear]

[francisR]

Hi Cosmic Rose

You did very well. that day going through that procedure despite the anxiety. When we do get into a high anxiety state. It takes some time for all of the anxious feelings to disappear. And when anxious people are inclined to be easily irritated. So perhaps it would be possible when you see your neighbor again simply to put on a big smile and say good morning. That should heal, the situation for you. I think that in those situations making ourselves smile and say thanks despite how we feel might be best. You could even imagine yourself a number of times doing just that. So that in the real situation you would be inclined to react that way.

In situations like that where you don't hear something and people laugh you can make yourself do so as well. Pretending you heard what was said. I do that sometimes.

I can understand that when people feel up tight with anxiety and are focusing on this and perhaps don't notice a friend, passing by that person may think we are being snobbish. But again meeting the same person later on and smiling and saying how are you does bring healing.

It may be difficult to stop yourself doing this when you are anxious but there are ways as suggested where any damage can be repaired. Take care. I hope and pray you have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis