[Kaylord]

This is mainly me just venting! I am so damn frustrated!!!

This past year has been the worst f***ing year of my life! Just some background...

-Mom dies unexpectedly (age 51) July 5th, 2014
-Dealt with a terrible, mentally abusive boss
-Husband doesn't understand grief and is not supportive
-Start have extreme panic attacks daily
-Transmission goes out on car July 5th, 2015
-Borrow money to get new (to me) car
-New (ish) car breaks down 12 days later. In shop for 10 days... no rental coverage.
-Get new car back and get a flat... NO SPARE!
-Now new one needs new engine that is probably not covered by the warranty
-Currently trying to track down police and DHS records from my sexual abuse
-Told records were probably destroyed
-Sister is 2,000 miles away and hurting as much as me.
-Grandpa is also 2,000 miles away and is suffering with parkinsons and dementia. About to go into nursing home.

I am so exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically. How much can one person go through. F***! I AM SO F***ING TIRED!

that is a lot to cope with in 1 year.

i'm not surprised you're mentally exhausted. i think anyone in that situation would be too

has anything good come out of this year?. perhaps that would be good to focus on

hope things get better for you soon!

[Kaylord]

Yeah, there has been some good. My sister and I are closer than we ever have been, which is awesome.
My terrible boss got sick and had to move to another state, so now I have an awesome boss. I also got a raise, which is very nice.

I always see the silver linings in almost everything, and I am typically good at staying positive. It's just getting much harder to keep my positive attitude because it feels as if nothing is working out. And with all of the this stress, I am constantly reminded that I cant ever pick up the phone and talk to my mom again. She was such a huge support system for me my entire life. It has been just over one year, but it feels like just last week that we lost her. And I still have a lifetime to go without her.

Look at it like this: your trials and tribulations will make you stronger than the overwhelming majority of humanity. You've endured and handled more crap than any one person should.

Do what I do: use your pain as a source of power. Revel in the fact that few endure what you have and fewer yet has survived and thrived. You've already survived much and you're already a unique and strong individual from it. Take pride in who you are and what you've accomplished. Press on and the future is yours.

Finally, if you need somebody to talk to, don't be afraid to message me. It's always good to have somebody else to talk to. I'm here for you.

[Kaylord]

Thank you so much for that! That's the kind of thing I needed to hear.

I really am trying to move forward in life as I am not a fan of being stagnant. My momma didn't raise no fool! She also didn't raise a weak person. It has been very hard not to break the f*** down though. Giving up sounds reeeeally awesome right now, but it's not even an option.

It doesn't sound like you're weak one bit so I'm confident that you'll endure.

I hate being held back by useless B.S in my life as well. There is little that angers me more than when I'm ready to move forward and solve my own problems but I have something be it money or other people holding me back haha

[notthisagain]

It's hard when everything around you is falling apart, but what I try to do is reason with myself and think of all of the other years when things weren't so bad, and say to myself "What are the chances that these things are going to happen again, or keep happening?" It doesn't make it any easier that your husband isn't supportive. Are there any support groups in your area that you can go to? I wish that there was more that I can say, but it's easier said than done. Hope that an upswing comes your way!

[Gonegirl4ever]

My heart goes out to you. Loss is never easy and deserves proper grief. It's great that you are processing it and not repressing it all. I can relate

[Kaylord]

Thank you! I am trying my very best not to keep it all locked inside... which I am really good at doing.
It's all just becoming too much to handle and I know that if I dont get out of this soon, I am going to snap.

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with loss as well. I never knew what devastation felt like until I lost her.