[Pinnamed]

Not sure if this is the right place for this but, the fact of the matter is, my mother and i have always had issues with each other, more so than i could see her having with my brother and sister. There have been too many times when i've said to myself that i hated her, and frankly, she's said too many hurtful things to me over the years.

In fact, today, we had another of our issues; i was eating a hamburger and after i was finished, my mother called out to me from her room in the back to tell me that i shouldn't be messing around in my chair, since she could hear it all the way back in her room. I honestly did not think that i was messing around with my chair and tried to explain that to my mother the best i could. However, what happened was that she said "you're kidding" 2X and then came up to the dining room so that she could find some way to lecture me about the whole matter. I tried not to say anything to preserve my pride, but my mother kept going on and on about the subject, even going as far as to say "How do you expect to be a man; you want to be treated like a man, you want to be spoken to like a man, but you won't own up to responsibility like a man", she also even made a "mute child" comment about me. I couldn't even enjoy the stuff i was doing afterwards because of this.

That's a problem i've always seen in parenting, parents try to teach a lesson but go about it the wrong way in certain cases. Take me for example, from what i can remember at the moment, my mother has always followed a "my house, my rules" sort of parenting, and since i'm a free-spirited kind of guy who doesn't care much for authority, that doesn't really sit well with me. The more people tell me to do something and expect me to comply without question, the more i'll want to not do it, that's been the case for 25 years now. I want to move out as much as my mother wants me out, but at the moment, i simply can't manage it, i need more money.

Point is, my mother and i are always at each other's throats in some way and i'm really not finding enough reasons to love her, which has made Mother's day hard for me to celebrate in recent years.

[jelly-bean]

It sounds like you and Mom are in a very bad spot right now. Maybe you could find someone to be a roommate and then you would be able to move out. Sometimes it is like the old saying goes. Absence makes the heart go fonder and that might be the way it is for you and Mom.

[Pinnamed]

Well, it's official, things between my mother and i are even worse now. And what's even more worse is the fact that all of this is happening right before the final months of the year; the time when my most looked forward to events happened. October has Halloween and my Birthday, November has Thanksgiving and December has the Holiday season. Suffice it to say, this is all distracting.

It all got started the week before Labor Day, when i was trying to get something to eat, and was doing so in the usual way i do things. You see, in recent years, I've developed something of an obsession with keeping my hands clean of germs. It's gotten so bad, some of the skin on my hands has been scrubbed away and my mother has taken notice of that, as well of how long it takes me to wash my hands. I've tried to do what i can to cut down on needing to clean my hands, like using napkins and tissue to grab and open things, but that, in and of itself has caused problems. You see, when i was trying to get something to eat last week, in the usual way, i was opening a cabinet and drawer using a napkin (i once touched those places when my hands weren't exactly clean and i'm hesitant to touch them again without protection), my mother took notice of this and asked me why i didn't just turn the napkin around and use the side i was touching with my hands. Since the side i wasn't touching was the side that had touched the germs, i didn't think that was a good idea, so i didn't do it. This lead to my mother saying things like; my obsessions make me dangerous to live with and that if i can't notice how bad my hands are getting, I'm an idiot. To not put too fine a point on it, that hurt, especially the last one.

I tried to explain my POV of the matter through e-mail, twice, and both times i tried to explain that the fact that she said those things hurt me. But both times, her replies gave the impression that she didn't feel any remorse over what she said and that just made me more angry with her. Then, on the ensuing Sunday, when we were getting ready to do our shopping at Wal-Mart, i took a little long when i was washing my hands after finishing up doing my face and hair. One scrub kept leading to another in there and my mother finally lost it and starting ranting on about it. She even said that she didn't care that i was angry with her, that i made her this way, and that she was done talking to me and that i was stressing her out. I spent the rest of our time shopping thinking about how to write the best e-mail to describe my POV and feelings on this whole ordeal. I sent it, but got no response. I sent it again on Labor day, but after i did so, I overheard her cleaning the house for Labor Day and heard her yelling to herself about me. I really want to end this by moving out, but, i just don't have the money to do that and be happy.

Then, later, she came to my bedroom door and explains that she did read my e-mail the first time and that the problem has always been my hands. From what i gathered, she tries to say that she would be perfectly fine with me if i don't kill myself in front of her, which she feels that i'm doing by overwashing my hands. She states that she will call someone to take me away due me having a problem, and that she does appreciate that i tried to use less water the night before and that i bought gloves to help deal with this issue. She also states that the way she deals with me is the norm for the world and that i won't be able to use e-mails and notes to talk to people in the real world. I can see the logic in that, but, i think all that really means is that i have another reason to want to spend less time with people. I think she sort of apologized for yelling at me during this, but i really doubt it. She asked me if we were good after that, and while i said yes, i really don't think we are. I feel like some of the anger i feel is still there for the earlier insults and i really don't think i was able to enjoy labor day after that.

For a while, it seemed like things were getting semi-better, but then, recently, when i had to take a shower the same day i had to take one in the morning, we had a basic repeat of what happened weeks ago; she lost it because of how i was doing things and basically yelled at me loud enough to scare me silly. I can still hear her yelling voice in my head now. Then, later on, she came to my room to tell me that she's going to consider sending me to a doctor for this, which worried me considerably. The following day, she sat me down to have a talk and, certain words like idiot and retarded were used. In fact, she even basically said that i wasn't mature. This bothers me because, teachers of mine have told me that i was bright, so you can understand the hurt in hearing your mother tell you otherwise. My Brother and Sister have already given me trouble in the past, so this doesn't help really. She even said that i was nice, but selfish in a calm and casual tone and even that i can't fully justify. But what this talk ended up boiling down to was that i now had three options:

1. Wash my hands with hot water as a means to follow a conditioning sort of method

2. Call and arrange a doctor's appointment for this

or

3. Move to a State not suffering a drought and live on my own

To be honest, i don't think i could do number 3 and number 2 is just embarrassing

The fact of the matter is, i'm a proud person, it's not easy for me to admit anything that's not in my favor, so i typically don't. If i may coin a phrase from a TV show i liked; I guess if i don't take responsibility for things and act like i'm not at fault, i can act like the problem never occurred and walk away from it without guilt, if that makes sense.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Pinnamed

Well, it's official, things between my mother and i are even worse now. And what's even more worse is the fact that all of this is happening right before the final months of the year; the time when my most looked forward to events happened. October has Halloween and my Birthday, November has Thanksgiving and December has the Holiday season. Suffice it to say, this is all distracting.

It all got started the week before Labor Day, when i was trying to get something to eat, and was doing so in the usual way i do things. You see, in recent years, I've developed something of an obsession with keeping my hands clean of germs. It's gotten so bad, some of the skin on my hands has been scrubbed away and my mother has taken notice of that, as well of how long it takes me to wash my hands. I've tried to do what i can to cut down on needing to clean my hands, like using napkins and tissue to grab and open things, but that, in and of itself has caused problems. You see, when i was trying to get something to eat last week, in the usual way, i was opening a cabinet and drawer using a napkin (i once touched those places when my hands weren't exactly clean and i'm hesitant to touch them again without protection), my mother took notice of this and asked me why i didn't just turn the napkin around and use the side i was touching with my hands. Since the side i wasn't touching was the side that had touched the germs, i didn't think that was a good idea, so i didn't do it. This lead to my mother saying things like; my obsessions make me dangerous to live with and that if i can't notice how bad my hands are getting, I'm an idiot. To not put too fine a point on it, that hurt, especially the last one.

I tried to explain my POV of the matter through e-mail, twice, and both times i tried to explain that the fact that she said those things hurt me. But both times, her replies gave the impression that she didn't feel any remorse over what she said and that just made me more angry with her. Then, on the ensuing Sunday, when we were getting ready to do our shopping at Wal-Mart, i took a little long when i was washing my hands after finishing up doing my face and hair. One scrub kept leading to another in there and my mother finally lost it and starting ranting on about it. She even said that she didn't care that i was angry with her, that i made her this way, and that she was done talking to me and that i was stressing her out. I spent the rest of our time shopping thinking about how to write the best e-mail to describe my POV and feelings on this whole ordeal. I sent it, but got no response. I sent it again on Labor day, but after i did so, I overheard her cleaning the house for Labor Day and heard her yelling to herself about me. I really want to end this by moving out, but, i just don't have the money to do that and be happy.

Then, later, she came to my bedroom door and explains that she did read my e-mail the first time and that the problem has always been my hands. From what i gathered, she tries to say that she would be perfectly fine with me if i don't kill myself in front of her, which she feels that i'm doing by overwashing my hands. She states that she will call someone to take me away due me having a problem, and that she does appreciate that i tried to use less water the night before and that i bought gloves to help deal with this issue. She also states that the way she deals with me is the norm for the world and that i won't be able to use e-mails and notes to talk to people in the real world. I can see the logic in that, but, i think all that really means is that i have another reason to want to spend less time with people. I think she sort of apologized for yelling at me during this, but i really doubt it. She asked me if we were good after that, and while i said yes, i really don't think we are. I feel like some of the anger i feel is still there for the earlier insults and i really don't think i was able to enjoy labor day after that.

For a while, it seemed like things were getting semi-better, but then, recently, when i had to take a shower the same day i had to take one in the morning, we had a basic repeat of what happened weeks ago; she lost it because of how i was doing things and basically yelled at me loud enough to scare me silly. I can still hear her yelling voice in my head now. Then, later on, she came to my room to tell me that she's going to consider sending me to a doctor for this, which worried me considerably. The following day, she sat me down to have a talk and, certain words like idiot and retarded were used. In fact, she even basically said that i wasn't mature. This bothers me because, teachers of mine have told me that i was bright, so you can understand the hurt in hearing your mother tell you otherwise. My Brother and Sister have already given me trouble in the past, so this doesn't help really. She even said that i was nice, but selfish in a calm and casual tone and even that i can't fully justify. But what this talk ended up boiling down to was that i now had three options:

1. Wash my hands with hot water as a means to follow a conditioning sort of method

2. Call and arrange a doctor's appointment for this

or

3. Move to a State not suffering a drought and live on my own

To be honest, i don't think i could do number 3 and number 2 is just embarrassing

The fact of the matter is, i'm a proud person, it's not easy for me to admit anything that's not in my favor, so i typically don't. If i may coin a phrase from a TV show i liked; I guess if i don't take responsibility for things and act like i'm not at fault, i can act like the problem never occurred and walk away from it without guilt, if that makes sense.

From this post and the last post you read, I suggest you book a doctor's appointment. From what you describe sounds like OCD to me, but I'm no professional. I am currently dealing with the same thing undiagnosed. Basically, everything I touch I feel like there is dirt on it and I need to wash my hands to get rid of the germs on my hands. It is annoying and takes time out of my life.

Anyways, bringing this up with a doctor may refer you to a mental professional of some sort (or book for a mental professional instead of seeing a family doctor) and get some therapy, learn new techniques to help you deal with this, and then if you wanted to, try medication. You can change your diet or take natural supplements to help also. Look up things about OCD. Maybe this will help you understand what is going on inside of you. I know that germs feel terrible on you and you just want to get them off, but please, don't deny it not as a problem. How would it not be? If you need to talk to someone, PM me. Hope this helps . Sorry if I phrased anything wrong in here.

P.s I also have troubles with my mom, but she doesn't believe in mental health being health. I know how you feel here too.

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk

[Pinnamed]

Well, it happened again

Just when it looked like my mother and i were at a slightly better place, i had to take another shower. But while this time, there was no yelling (per se), the incident did leave me with a situation that i was going to take care today; i touched the bathroom light switch with my hands when i wasn't fully sure that they were clean enough (i did wash them, but i'm not sure i was thorough enough). I was going to clean the light switch today for safe measure, but, that's when my mother started explaining the cause of another problem i've been having; the lights in my bathroom keep flickering on and off and off altogether. Apparently, a certain internal part of the light switch was broken and to prove her point, my mother touched the light switch and that bothered me. She once told me to not leave something i deemed unfit to touch there for someone else to touch and i saw the logic in that.

So, in an effort to seem responsible, i sent her an e-mail explaining that and why i am a little unhappy about the light switch issue; she said that I'll either have to give her the money to go buy another light switch and do it herself (which may result in her turning off the power, since she fears electricity) or pay $60 or more to hire a repair man to come and do it. Since i don't have nearly enough money to do the latter, and i hate being in someone else's debt, the former seemed like the best course of action, but later, she replied to this by coming to me and saying that i can't just let this sort of thing get fixed and go on doing things the same way as i did before. You see, for the longest time, I've been trying to avoid spreading germs onto things (or avoid gaining germs from) by using my elbows, hips and possibly feet to open and close things (or in the case of the light switch, press). I'm told that i look like an idiot by doing this instead of using my hands, but, it seemed like a good way to cut down on my need to wash my hands.

Anyway, I'm told that doing that may have played a role in breaking the light switch and, if i'm understanding my mother correctly, that means i'll have to use my hands every time i use the light switches, even when doing so will contaminated them when my hands aren't sanitary. My mother told me that if i didn't follow that road and kept using my elbows, soon all of the light switches would be broken the same, then she pointed out that things only seem germy when i deem them so and that for some reason, my dusty room doesn't count as germy or my bathroom in general for that matter. Then, she showed me the water heater to make a point about how I'm running up the water and heating bills with my over hand-washing. Then, she sent me an e-mail saying that she was considering putting me responsible of the heating and water bills.

I then sent her an e-mail saying that i really don't know what to do about this. I don't know how to make her happy and still not compromise myself enough to lead to me going insane with feelings of it never being enough. Then, she sent me a few e-mails about what she found on a website by Mayo clinic or some such place and used it to help get across a few points about germs and the proper way to wash one's hands. She said that our immune systems protect us from the known germs in our house and it's the kind that you'd find in a new place, like a public restroom, that you should worry about. Or something like that. The papers and follow up e-mails she gave me in regards to the hand-washing thing said a few things that i was somewhat aware of already, though, certain aspects of them still worry me;

Apparently, when you wash your hands, your supposed use a towel or something to turn off the faucet and open the door. But I've always just used my knuckles on the part of the handles that i didn't touch to turn off the faucet and left the door partially opened so that i could just open it with my elbow or foot. Also, as i was partially aware of already, soap bars culminate germs on them, making liquid soap better. I'm not even sure how to word how that makes me feel. My mother gave me some Dove liquid soap to help with this, but, I'm not sure how long this will be good for, if you know what i mean.

But the biggest issue, when it comes right down to it, is that i don't like that my mother thinks my decision making skills are bad and that i have no maturity. I admit that i don't act like someone of my age, but i don't need to be treated like a child, nor are all of my decisions bad. I am not immature, i am not an idiot, I'm just not!

September has been awful because of all of this, and i had a plan no less, a plan. My Birthday is in the second week of next month and instead of getting in the mood for it, my mind is wrapped around all of this tension. In this month, i don't think i'll ever get my mother to understand my POV, or start caring about my feelings again and i don't think i can ever really express how i feel to her anymore.

Your mother is not the problem here.

At 25 (unless having been diagnosed with severe medical conditions) you should be well and truly out of the family home. If you are not, rent/board and maintainence should be partly your responsibility, especially when YOUR behaviours are whats causing the household problems. And here you are like a child saying "IM JUST NOT" a child when everything you have written reads like a teenager with parental issues.

If its so horrible there - move out! Prove you can make it on your own and maybe you might earn some respect you deem you deserve.

[cakeladie]

Pin

I am so sorry. A mother should never treat her child like that but I can understand her frustration. How old are you if you don't mind me asking.

My son is 25 and has autism, mild retardation, an auditory processing and OCD. I agree with the other person that you should see a doctor. I just took my son to a doctor to help with his OCD. Like you he washes his hands all the time.

We live in California so we have to conserve water so he has decided to sponge himself instead of taking a second shower because of the water shortage what he does is washes himself and leaves water everywhere in the bathroom to the point that it could have ruined the floor.

You really need to a doctor and get some help but it's a two way street. Your mom has to try and understand and you have to take your medicine and talk to the doctor.

Feel free to pm me my heart is breaking for you

[Pinnamed]

Oh, so you all think I'm immature and retarded now, do you?

A retarded person who passed High school, who was smart enough to actually try and look up the quotes of Plato and Socrates, who was smart enough to realize that he should save his money for something great now and then. I AM NOT RETARDED!!!

I might have autism, but i swear that it is a minor case at best. The way i act sometimes you'd never even guess that i have it. And I'm mature enough to know that i might not be ready for kids of my own, I cannot be immature.

I want to move out and be living on my own, but, i just don't have the means to live on my own and have all the things i need and want to make this work. Believe me, i really want to be out of here before i'm passed thirty. I'm smart enough to know how sad that would be, I AM NOT AN IDIOT!!!

Originally Posted by Pinnamed

.

I want to move out and be living on my own, but, i just don't have the means to live on my own and have all the things i need and want to make this work. Believe me, i really want to be out of here before i'm passed thirty. I'm smart enough to know how sad that would be, I AM NOT AN IDIOT!!!

Overreaction much?

Your last paragraph screams entitlement.

Most of us in the world have to go without a few luxuries to live life. Only in childhood (if you're lucky) you get everything you need and want. I'd love to do a poll and see how many of us lived on noodles for years while trying to find our own way in the world without bludging off our parents.

[francisR]

hi Pinnamed

I am sorry you are having this problem with your mom. There are family therapists who could try to sort out these difficulties so that a way of living together and getting on together could be worked out for both of you.
I know it is financially difficult to be out on your own. But perhaps there is a friend. you could roommate with. I hope and pray this will improve for you in the future. Take care. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[Pinnamed]

Well, it happened again

Just when it felt like my mother and i were on good terms again, another handwashing related issue arose.

Yesterday, i had to take a shower, but aside from my mother having to call me once or twice (one of those times, she subtly threatened to turn off the water), there was no real issue between us. Save only for a moment where she told me i was being too loud for a certain hour. But this morning, i had an accident that required me to take another shower and that bothered me beyond belief. I got under the water and when my mother didn't come to call me out, i assumed that i had been brief enough for her and was out of harm's way for this time.

I was hoping to wash my "soiled" clothes afterwards, but when i couldn't get to the washing machine before my mother (it was her turn to wash her clothes), i decided to somehow wait for the opportunity later. I still had a finished load in the dryer and when i went to get it out, my mother asked me if i'll need to wash my hands after getting the clean clothes. My answer was no and i meant it, this didn't seem like a situation where i would need to wash my hands (not at the time). But what was a situation like that was when i let my dog outside and fed him. As i usually do, i went to wash my hands after that, and that's when things just went so wrong.

Once again my mother was on my case about how long i was taking and honestly, it probably was going on too long. Still though, she said that i should be ashamed of myself and that i lied to her about earlier when i said that i wasn't going to wash my hands after handling the clean clothes. I explained that this washing was related to something else, but, then she started ranting about something. I could barely hear her, but from what i gathered, she was saying something about her laughing and being happy when she drives off and leaves me and my dog here with no food or water.

Then she came back up to the bathroom and basically told me to finish up quickly. This made me nervous and i wanted to finish up, but it still didn't feel like i was done yet. And when i kept on washing to finish up faster, she threatened to turn the water off again and was much more threatening this time. She then went on about how i was going to get along without the water, right before she got angry again and turned out the lights, saying that she'll get angry when i do stupid stuff. With no light, i tried to finish up as best i could, but, twice in a row, i ended up somewhat fingering the faucet, which has always bothered me in the past. I did put hand sanitizer on afterwards, but, I'm just not sure if it worked.

Anyway, after i got out of the bathroom, i overheard my mother talking to herself in her room. Maybe she knew i could hear her and didn't care, i don't know, but in any event, she said that she was basically done with this. From what i heard, she said that she doesn't care if i wash my hands off anymore and that she doesn't want to read anymore e-mails about that or something. After hearing that, i just don't know what to do or how to feel. I feel guilty, but i'm too proud to feel guilty. I want this to end, but I'm just not sure how. I'm told that it shouldn't take that much more than 20 seconds to clean your hands, but, even if a doctor (a professional) said that, i just can't convince myself that that is enough.

The worst part of it all is, i had a plan for today, but the way things are going, I can't bring myself to follow through with it and i'm running out of time. This was supposed to be the month where i got in the mood for my upcoming birthday and instead fate lays this on me. Every time i make a plan this month, something happens and makes it all fall apart.

I'm trying to avoid my mother for the rest of the day, mainly because i don't really think i can talk to her about this, what good would it do?