I'm Struggling

I have been seeing doctors for four years for treatment of my OCD and only last year did I start doing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I improved for a time, but have since slipped back and now find myself struggling more than ever. I know that CBT and medication is the best way to deal with OCD, but I'm still stuck in the mire. I haven't been able to work since February '06, and I'm hoping that I can learn to live with the OCD and have a normal life. But at the moment, I can't seem to find my way out.

My psychologist says that in treating OCD you usually take two steps forward and one step back. Right now, I'm smack bang in the middle of the step back, and it feels less like a step and more like a lunge. I've been on all the different medications: Anafranil, Prozac, Zoloft, Lamictal, Lithium, Epilem, Effexor, Risperdal, and others. I'm on Zyprexa and Luvox at the moment and I'm just not seeing any difference. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am close to being hospitalised.

I cry myself to sleep every night. Twice I have OD'd on sleeping tablets (On the first occasion I had to be taken to hospital), because I just wanted to sleep, to get away from the urges and the compulsions (Don't worry, I'm not suicidal, I never have been and the overdosing wasn't an attempt on my life). My family is so unbelievably supportive and I hate that they have to worry about me, and I hate knowing the pain they went through to see me in hospital after I OD'd. I can see that it is sucking the life from my Mum everytime she sees me screaming at the mirror while I clean my teeth and spit blood into the sink.

Look, I just need some advice, words of encouragement, and any ideas on how to help myself and my family cope with this. I really appreciate it.

Hi Quirkster

I've never suffered from OCD like what you describe you are suffering from. I'm sorry it's so difficult for you and your family. I'm glad you have a loving and supportive family. It can make all the difference in your recovery process.

I have some very small OCD things that I do which do not interfere with my life. I sometimes wonder if everyone has a little something that they obsess over now and again.

I truly hope that you find some coping skills that will help you very soon and that you can also find a combination of meds that work.

If you ever need to "get it out" and talk about things, I'm always available and you are welcome to pm me anytime.

It sounds like you are trying everything in your power to learn to control yourself and the obsessions that run you at times. The only thing I can think of to say is that sometimes when we get stuck in a rut during our healing process, we need to go back to the basics where things started working and start the process over again. It doesn't necessarily mean that we have gone backwards or that it will take as long to get back to where we had progressed to. It just means we need the practice

I wish you well and pray you find some peace soon!

Hugssssss
J

i want to offer you hope because i know that there were many years in my life when i thought i would rather die then go through another day of the ocd rituals.....from what i read, you are trying so hard to find some solution.i urge you to keep fighting, keep searching, keep trying meds and therapies.......i was lucky...i only had to try a half dozen meds before i found what worked for me but the trial and errors were hard.......now i am 90% free of my symptoms most of the time......keep up the fight! its worth it!

((((((((((quirkster))))))))))

nice to meet you. you know what - I KNOW YOU WILL GET OVER THIS

yes you may have taken a step back, but you will get over it. step backs happen all the time. i wish you strength and confidence to do this - never met you but i get this vibe????

take care sweetie - ignor the backwards steps just take 2 at a time going up.

love jinny xoxoxoxoxoxox