[almasgemelas]

Hello, I hope you’re well, for the past 5 years or so I’ve been really struggling but it’s very on and off, and I was wondering if I could explain what’s been happening so I could have a second opinion about whether to go to the doctors about it. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, I’m just struggling to tell if this is just my personality and flaws or if it could be something more. My symptoms don’t seem to have the severity of other people and I really don’t want to reach out for help only to be told there’s nothing wrong with me (it happened before for a physical problem – the doctor made me feel really silly for going and 6 years later, the problem still hasn’t gone away!) Searching through online resources has only made me more confused and wary of reaching out.
So my recent symptoms are mainly being completely unable to deal with stress, the stress of my uni work mainly. Sometimes I completely shut down and just completely ignore everything I have to do and stare for hours at things I don’t care about, feeling awful but doing nothing to change it, and generally feeling dead inside. Other times, often in situations where I feel trapped and can’t just instantly leave, I feel like I either can’t breathe or feel like I’m going to hyperventilate. The worst time was during a group presentation, whilst my friends were presenting I started shaking like a leaf and trying really hard not to cry and trying not to hyperventilate (I have never actually hyperventilated, I just feel like I’m going to). I almost had to leave during the exam but I was too afraid of causing my friends grades to drop. To make things worse, (TMI warning) the stress gives me a really bad upset stomach, which has stopped more stressing about the exams themselves, and started making me stress about actually getting through the exams without hyperventilating or having an upset stomach.
I have also had eating issues, mainly binging, which I kind of took up after I stopped self-harming 3 and a half years ago. I don’t know if binging is the right word because it doesn’t necessarily happen in a short-time span or in as large amounts as it does to other people. But I do keep eating, well beyond the point to which it is painful, and often just because I want the food to go so I don’t have to stress about it anymore. When I go on a diet, because of the weight gained by binging, it’s such a relief, but it’s still draining because no matter whether I’m binging or dieting, food is still such a big part of what’s on my brain and it’s so exhausting having been in a battle with my body for so many years. The binging thing also makes the upset stomach worse, and I’m petrified that the amount of sugar and bad food I eat is going to give me diabetes or heart problems.. which I am afraid I might already have symptoms of but I’m a paranoid person so probably not. I am also really incapable of eating a normal amount, I honestly can’t remember a time when I haven’t overeaten or undereaten. I am also very bad at self-care so eating healthy doesn’t tend to happen either (neither does keeping anything clean or not in a state, including myself, but I’m probably just lazy idk)
Thank you if you read all this and sorry to unload it on you guys, I just feel like this could all be my personality and me being too much in my head and being influenced by things I see online. I feel like I’m simultaneously talking myself into and out of going to the doctor. So if anyone has any advice or thoughts, you have no idea how grateful I would be.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by almasgemelas

My symptoms don’t seem to have the severity of other people and I really don’t want to reach out for help only to be told there’s nothing wrong with me (it happened before for a physical problem – the doctor made me feel really silly for going and 6 years later, the problem still hasn’t gone away!)

I bolded the part above because I want to say something about this first. I just got back from my primary care physicians office. He is a very good doctor but he was not in today so I saw an associate of his. She has a very rare health condition that only twelve doctors in the United States treat; it took her eight years to get diagnosed. She told me she was sent away and ignored for eight years until she happened across a specialist who was called in when she was found bleeding from every orifice she had and the toxin he identified in her blood was measured at fourteen times fatal levels.

She told me that she is certain that some patients fabricate stories, but she hasn't found one yet. Every single patient she has had with symptoms that don't make sense - she looks for an answer until she finds it. Sometimes it takes years, once it took eleven years she told me - and that person was number four in the world. NEVER choose a doctor who will make you feel silly for reporting your symptoms.

Originally Posted by almasgemelas

I feel like I’m simultaneously talking myself into and out of going to the doctor. So if anyone has any advice or thoughts, you have no idea how grateful I would be.

You're not going to get a diagnosis from me, but for the first time in this forum I am going to tell someone (that would be you) that I have a significant medical background. I am telling you, unequivocally, that it is my opinion that you get help now. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Pick up the phone tomorrow morning and make an appointment. And then come back and let us know how it went.

[shezbut]

I would advise you to go to a different medical doctor. Tell them about the pains, anxiety, etc. Let them put the puzzle together for you ~ as well as send you to see other doctors, if necessary. You're certainly dealing with a lot of stuff, getting in to see another doctor ASAP would help a lot.

Gentle hugs & best wishes sent you way!